Husband's beloved rural cabin makes me ill

[Anonymous]

SO let him go and he takes the kids. What's the big deal? DH and I do this a couple of times a year to give the other a break

[Anonymous]

Tell him you will go after he fixes the cabin. Then actually go after he fixes the cabin.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a dolt. Take him up on the free weekend. Why would he subject his kids to unhealthy mold? That's the bigger question.

[Anonymous]

Get a mold test and test for mold. Then you have evidence.

[Anonymous]

Stay at home! Add on to your husband that more things came up for your presentation so you’ll be working part of the weekend anyway. Enjoy yourself, sleep in etc.

+1 on seeing the allergist. It may also be something in the area. Buy an air filter for the next trip. Bring along a mold testing kit, take samples and send it out to be tested.

Depending on the type of mold it might not be safe for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put your foot down, OP. This is your health!

Also, you really need to get yourself tested for mold and other allergens, OP. Then you'd have a diagnosed, legitimate reason to avoid such places in the future.

And even if they’re not have a visible allergic reaction, it isn’t safe for your kids breathing mold for multiple trips a year either.

[Anonymous]

He can take the kids and you stay home alone.

That cabin sounds miserable to me.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has severe allergies and took allergy shots for 4 years, mold isn't something you should just take claritin etc. and suck up. Mold is not safe for anyone. My in-laws have an unfinished basement that reeks of mold/mildew. They've gone "nose blind" to it, but when they've sent gifts in plastic shopping bags, the smell of mildew etc. comes out of the box.

Even w/o the mold issue, spending all my free time in such a rustic cabin does not sound relaxing at all. I'd let him take the kids and not go back.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a jerk. I would never go. I like outdoorsy stuff but not that. No one would push me into staying in that hell hole. Beloved cabin my azz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm siding with a lot of PPs here - let him take the kids on his own this weekend, but it's time for a sit down to talk about him pouting about you not wanting to go to a mold-infested cabin with crappy plumbing that makes you sick.

While I get that going up there may not be your jam in general I also think that if it was fixed up and you physically felt well then you should give it a chance. It could be a great place to create some family memories. But your husband had got to meet more than halfway and work to make it liveable and pleasant for you.

+1

The cabin makes you sick. It is NOT okay for him to push you going there. No one wants to vacation on Planet Benadryl. It just sounds like misery from start to finish.

For those who suggest stacking meds on top of meds: constant exposure to allergens like mold is VERY bad for your health, even with antihistamines. Especially when we are dealing with a deadly pandemic in which the worse reactions seem related to cytokine storms, you don’t want to be amping up the systemic allergic response system.

Mold is very bad, even if DH himself doesn’t experience mold allergy symptoms. Assuming you are not in poverty, if he wants to own this cabin and visit it regularly, he has to make it a priority to get mold remediation done.

[Anonymous]

https://imold.us/surprising-effects-mold-has-on-children/

ASide from the fact that you don’t like going, mold exposure is not healthy for children. Is your family willing to make improvements to the cabin to make it healthier?

Your husband sounds like a jerk for forcing this on his family.

I would love a weekend alone, BTW.

[Anonymous]

I would take him up on his offer to take the kids to the cabin this time, because you have work commitments coming up you really do want to prepare for. But I would also have the expectation that this cabin trip is fully his project and so I wouldn’t be packing for the kids, shopping for the food, etc.

Going forward, I would end family visits to this cabin until the mold is dealt with. Small bathrooms and uncovered windows aren’t doing long term damage to anyone but mold really can (not to mention it will have to be remediated if they ever want to sell it) and it seems like he should be willing to put in a little effort so you’re not physically ill. You should then put in some effort a few (maybe four?) times per year for something your husband really loves— bring an amazing book or a craft project and try to make it a break for yourself as well.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why they can’t go without you.

While they are there he can hang curtains and get someone in to look at the mold.

[Anonymous]

I have a family cabin that is super rustic (like go outside to use outhouse, lanterns after dark rustic). My DH is not an outdoor guy, and I knew that when I married him. So he is as good a sport as he can manage and comes most years for a few days and I stay for a couple weeks with our son. I don’t pressure him to stay or make him feel badly for not being outdoorsy, and he doesn’t make me feel badly for loving the place. It look us a few years to get to that balance.

For folks saying modernize the cabin…if it is a family place it may not be in their control. Our place is owned with extended family, and the rusticness is the point. Folks would agree to remediate mold but probably not to add curtains or doors where they hadn’t been before. Everything is a negotiation between rusticness/tradition and comfort.

[Anonymous]

That’s what you get for not being honest when you were dating. Kinda kidding.

Take the time to yourself and stay home. If it’s literally making you sick then you shouldn’t be going.