When a friend confides about a really major secret and it changes things...

[Anonymous]

Op totally understand your feelings -disregard all this extreme liberal baloney, I can assure most would not be so casual in their advice if it THEIR spouse!
She was wrong on mamy fronts and certainly to burden you with her secret was one if them. If SHE was a real friend she would thought about that prior to burdening you. I feel your pain- sounds like at the least you need a break from her to think things through- I would also cancel your trip- sounds like it will be uncomfortable for you,

[Anonymous]

OP - do not listen to these women who are telling you are wrong! My GOD this board is filled with the most horrifying people (yet sadly I am addicted to it - it's like a train wreck - I simply cannot look away)!

Call me a Pollyanna but I don't believe most people behave this way (I mean as they do on DCUM) as they do in other parts of the country. I just spoke with my best friend from college who is married with three kids - wonderful husband, lives in a small town and I had to tell her about this forum! Well I am sure she is reading right now because she couldn't believe how obnoxious, mean, catty and down right ignorant some people are on this forum.

I'll admit I've made some snide remarks to various posts but it's usually in self defense if someone lashes out at me. What your friend did was wrong. Did she cross the boundaries of friendship by confessing to you? Probably not. Did you cross boundaries by posting so many details about what she told you here? Maybe. Would I have done the same thing? Probably. I am not a fan of cheaters. Especially ones that gloat.

Still, put your big girl panties on, talk to her and cancel your trip to the Cape and book something else. There are better women to be friends with even though you wouldn't guess it by looking at most of the responses to your post. You DID get SOME level headed responses though!!! So carry on. Ugh, the more and more I think about your friend the more I just SMH. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - do not listen to these women who are telling you are wrong! My GOD this board is filled with the most horrifying people (yet sadly I am addicted to it - it's like a train wreck - I simply cannot look away)!

Call me a Pollyanna but I don't believe most people behave this way (I mean as they do on DCUM) as they do in other parts of the country. I just spoke with my best friend from college who is married with three kids - wonderful husband, lives in a small town and I had to tell her about this forum! Well I am sure she is reading right now because she couldn't believe how obnoxious, mean, catty and down right ignorant some people are on this forum.

I'll admit I've made some snide remarks to various posts but it's usually in self defense if someone lashes out at me. What your friend did was wrong. Did she cross the boundaries of friendship by confessing to you? Probably not. Did you cross boundaries by posting so many details about what she told you here? Maybe. Would I have done the same thing? Probably. I am not a fan of cheaters. Especially ones that gloat.

Still, put your big girl panties on, talk to her and cancel your trip to the Cape and book something else. There are better women to be friends with even though you wouldn't guess it by looking at most of the responses to your post. You DID get SOME level headed responses though!!! So carry on. Ugh, the more and more I think about your friend the more I just SMH. Sorry, OP.

Sorry - I don't see how how you call other posters "catty" and then make the definitive remark that "what your friend did was wrong." Where in anything that OP wrote was her friend "gloating"? And then you have the audacity to tell OP there are better people to be friends with when, in fact, you really know next to nothing about their friendship. Sounds pretty catty.

[Anonymous]

Your friend was so wrong but what really peeves me is how she used her sexcaoades to highlight all that's bad in her marriage.
That seems like dangerous territory to tread on- she sounds incredibly selfish- she saw a young hot guy she wanted and got it with no respect for her husband or kids snd now she's made you an accomplice.
She has major issues.

[Anonymous]

[/b]Sorry - I don't see how how you call other posters "catty" and then make the definitive remark that "what your friend did was wrong." Where in anything that OP wrote was her friend "gloating"? And then you have the audacity to tell OP there are better people to be friends with when, in fact, you really know next to nothing about their friendship. Sounds pretty catty.
[b]

Sounds like you had an affair and you are feeling guilty.

[Anonymous]

you kind of suck as a friend. This is why I tell no one anything like this. In fact, your crappy judgement is why this anon site thrives in a town like DC.

[Anonymous]

PP you are a see you next Tuesday! Bet you cannot figure that one out since you are so dim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP you are a see you next Tuesday! Bet you cannot figure that one out since you are so dim.

I bet you've been saving that since seventh grade when the blonde Ashley said it to you in the cafeteria line when you took the last curly fries.

[Anonymous]

^^^ wha?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[/b]Sorry - I don't see how how you call other posters "catty" and then make the definitive remark that "what your friend did was wrong." Where in anything that OP wrote was her friend "gloating"? And then you have the audacity to tell OP there are better people to be friends with when, in fact, you really know next to nothing about their friendship. Sounds pretty catty.
[b]

Sounds like you had an affair and you are feeling guilty.

Actually no. But I'm kind of a Pollyanna in that I believe in the platitude "a friend in need is a friend indeed". I interpreted the OP as her friend had remorse and huge guilt, and was looking for a friend to help her work through what she realized was a tremendous mistake. I know OP was put in a bad position, but friendship isn't only about good times. I don't have a lot of close friends, but for those that I do have, I will be there through good, bad, and indifferent. So it's from this perspective that I wrote my post.

[Anonymous]

The reality is that it does change things. My situation isn't exactly like the OP's, but I did confide in a close friend that my marriage is open. I (mistakenly) thought that because my spouse and I are open and honest about this with each other, that my friend would understand and be someone I could trust. Not so. She resented that I "unburdened" myself on her. It's a complete mystery to her why we live this way. She's right; I did unburden myself. Perhaps that was selfish. I wanted to confide in someone because it's unconventional and she's an important part of my life. I expected that because she's such an understanding, giving and open-minded person, that she would be supportive about my disclosure. Just goes to show you that you truly don't know another person (that works both ways - her not expecting me to be in an open marriage and me not expecting her judgement). The price to unburden yourself can be too high.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You're being way too revealing about your friend! Dial it down.

And stop being so judgmental. It's over. You don't know what stuff you're capable of.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, you are not a friend at all. Friends accept being burdened by each other. Mistakes build bridges ...morality preaching builds walls. You should respond how you are bad too with whatever bs you occupy your time with while people are starving and homeless in the world .

[Anonymous]

OP, your friend did something we used to refer to in the old days as "immoral". Let's call a spade a spade, she committed adultery, and it was wrong. Several times a day, for a period of months, your friend consciously chose to disregard her marriage vows, forget about her husband and children, and spread her legs to f@$& the brains out of a young hunk almost half her age! That is about as down and dirty as it gets, to put it coarsely, and it undoubtedly involved lying to her husband and children repeatedly as well.

It was wrong of her to further share this burden, these lies, this immoral play with you, particularly since she was drunk while doing so. If this behavior seems wrong to you, and it does to me, I would vote with my friendship and pull out of the relationship.

Also, if her husband had been the one repeatedly f @&$ing some young, tight, hot-bodied 24-year old who worked as a paralegal at his law firm, several times a day, for months on end, would we all be so forgiving? No wonder so many DC marriages end in divorce, we have thrown our collective morals out the window!

[Anonymous]

Also OP, I know someone who sort of fits this description, and know I will wonder. Perhaps we should open an "out the extramarital affairs" thread where we describe in not-so-vague terms the people we know in these affairs?