When a friend confides about a really major secret and it changes things...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are having an affair with a married man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are having an affair with a married man.

Ha ha!! Who are you referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn't responded in a while but I bet 19:26 is serial "meh" poster and 23:13 and 23:15 is serial "unhinged" poster. But I digress.

Here are the facts:

OP is friends with a whore who confessed to her.

Why MOST of you condone this is BEYOND!!! JEALOUS?

I wouldn't let this tramp alone with my husband for two hot seconds.

All of you beating up OP - give it a rest. On the other hand, OP if you don't confront your "friend" and cancel the Cape trip after all of this then you deserve what you get.

Who's condoning? Who's jealous, and what are they jealous about?

Have you considered getting a prescription for a benzo, like Xanax or Valium? You're getting way too worked up about a story that doesn't involve you and may not even be true.

Also, I'm not a serial "meh" poster, but I use it from time to time when I mostly disagree and/or don't give a damn. Are you the weird caps poster who needs to be sedated? OP asked a question and people responded to that question. We sincerely appreciate your thought policing, but you may want to count to 10 or something.

[Anonymous]

Hi its the OP have not been on for a while but was shocked to see how many responses there were and they were all over the map. I am not saying any one of them is right or wrong, but we all have our own moral compass and what might be acceptable to one is not to another. So be it.

An interesting followup though- I decided to talk it out with my friend so set something up and met. Before I could even broach the subject, she proceeded to tell me how this guy is coming back to teach for a camp and that they have spoken and are meeting up!!!!! I was floored because I was thinking (hoping) she was remorseful but she told me she couldn't stop thinking about him,etc...i picked my mouth up off the floor and told her my feelings and how I had kept it all in and that I totally disapproved and that i thought she was playing with fire. Her husband is an exceptional guy, very successful but the nicest guy and it just seems so wrong. She has young kids and all I am thinking about is how devastated they would be.

I also told her i am not comfortable going on the trip knowing what i know. She actually got mad at me for this. We parted ways with definite tension, she knows how I feel and that as her friend I cannot condone what she is doing. I have not told my husband but told him I may have a hard time taking off of work (not a total lie as I am bogged down) and that this trip might need to be delayed. I am torn as to whether or not to tell him as he is friends with her husband. This is a total mess and has put me in a very tough situation. I am angry with her for it and really need to stay away right now.

Thank you for your advice. At this point I am doing what feels right for me and I am having a hard time being a friend to someone who is doing something so wrong and that could potentially hurt many many people.

[Anonymous]

Wow! She certainly is a piece of work!! Ugh!
Good for you for standing up to her. It's a tough call as to whether you should tell your husband or not. It's not healthy to lie to him (kind of, it's not technically a lie that you have work but that's not really the reason you don't want to go) and keep secrets from him, but it isn't your secret to tell. But your friend has put you in a really tough spot. I would tell my husband, I don't know if that's right or wrong.
Tough one. Good luck on whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! She certainly is a piece of work!! Ugh!
Good for you for standing up to her. It's a tough call as to whether you should tell your husband or not. It's not healthy to lie to him (kind of, it's not technically a lie that you have work but that's not really the reason you don't want to go) and keep secrets from him, but it isn't your secret to tell. But your friend has put you in a really tough spot. I would tell my husband, I don't know if that's right or wrong.
Tough one. Good luck on whatever you decide.

I love how it's only technically a lie and only technically keeping secrets from her DH. It is a lie and she is keeping an important secret from her DH. What is good for the friend is good for the OP. OP, where is your "moral compass" when it comes to your own behavior?

[Anonymous]

DH here. Now this really sucks. You can't tell your husband bc he's friends w the cuckold. So now when the whole thing blows up your husband will find out you knew and withheld that info from him. He might have a big problem with that

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to tell your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. Now this really sucks. You can't tell your husband bc he's friends w the cuckold. So now when the whole thing blows up your husband will find out you knew and withheld that info from him. He might have a big problem with that

Exactly. But OP is okay with that, and with telling him "I lied to you because I didn't want you to find out the secret about your friend i was keeping from you."

In my experience the ones who are the most militant in their condemnation of others are completely unaware of their own flaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi its the OP have not been on for a while but was shocked to see how many responses there were and they were all over the map. I am not saying any one of them is right or wrong, but we all have our own moral compass and what might be acceptable to one is not to another. So be it.

An interesting followup though- I decided to talk it out with my friend so set something up and met. Before I could even broach the subject, she proceeded to tell me how this guy is coming back to teach for a camp and that they have spoken and are meeting up!!!!! I was floored because I was thinking (hoping) she was remorseful but she told me she couldn't stop thinking about him,etc...i picked my mouth up off the floor and told her my feelings and how I had kept it all in and that I totally disapproved and that i thought she was playing with fire. Her husband is an exceptional guy, very successful but the nicest guy and it just seems so wrong. She has young kids and all I am thinking about is how devastated they would be.

I also told her i am not comfortable going on the trip knowing what i know. She actually got mad at me for this. We parted ways with definite tension, she knows how I feel and that as her friend I cannot condone what she is doing. I have not told my husband but told him I may have a hard time taking off of work (not a total lie as I am bogged down) and that this trip might need to be delayed. I am torn as to whether or not to tell him as he is friends with her husband. This is a total mess and has put me in a very tough situation. I am angry with her for it and really need to stay away right now.

Thank you for your advice. At this point I am doing what feels right for me and I am having a hard time being a friend to someone who is doing something so wrong and that could potentially hurt many many people.

OP I am glad you came back. I was in your situation a few years ago, and all I ever felt was compromised, and felt really bad for the kids and husband. OK, your friend thinks its "love and all that, and maybe it is..." but you are a married woman; it obviously really bothers you, and it is just not your style (so to speak) As for being in the middle, that is no place to be. All these people telling you that you owe it to her to be her confidant. No, I think, not in this.
This is a great big mess -- your friend is playing with fire and you really have no good role whatsoever. When it comes out -- if it does, you will feel culpable. Best to cut off the conversation, now if not sooner. You have already talked with her -- she has your opinion on this, she doesn't agree. No more talk. There are plenty of other people who will be glad to hear all about it -- just not you. There are times when backing away is the best way to save what is left of the relationship and keep peace with the family. As far as going on a vacation with this couple -- to me -- out of the question. She is relying on you to keep the spicy secret of her affair in front of both her and your husband. Who would want to be in that role? I presume you are not 13 anymore?
Take the high road.

[Anonymous]

There are some really skanky poster on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn't responded in a while but I bet 19:26 is serial "meh" poster and 23:13 and 23:15 is serial "unhinged" poster. But I digress.

Here are the facts:

OP is friends with a whore who confessed to her.

Why MOST of you condone this is BEYOND!!! JEALOUS?

I wouldn't let this tramp alone with my husband for two hot seconds.

All of you beating up OP - give it a rest. On the other hand, OP if you don't confront your "friend" and cancel the Cape trip after all of this then you deserve what you get.

Who's condoning? Who's jealous, and what are they jealous about?

Have you considered getting a prescription for a benzo, like Xanax or Valium? You're getting way too worked up about a story that doesn't involve you and may not even be true.

Also, I'm not a serial "meh" poster, but I use it from time to time when I mostly disagree and/or don't give a damn. Are you the weird caps poster who needs to be sedated? OP asked a question and people responded to that question. We sincerely appreciate your thought policing, but you may want to count to 10 or something.

No, I am not familiar with those meds nor do I need them. I think you need to chill dear. Maybe take a few deep breaths. Go pop one of your benzos. You sound like a psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn't responded in a while but I bet 19:26 is serial "meh" poster and 23:13 and 23:15 is serial "unhinged" poster. But I digress.

Here are the facts:

OP is friends with a whore who confessed to her.

Why MOST of you condone this is BEYOND!!! JEALOUS?

I wouldn't let this tramp alone with my husband for two hot seconds.

All of you beating up OP - give it a rest. On the other hand, OP if you don't confront your "friend" and cancel the Cape trip after all of this then you deserve what you get.

Who's condoning? Who's jealous, and what are they jealous about?

Have you considered getting a prescription for a benzo, like Xanax or Valium? You're getting way too worked up about a story that doesn't involve you and may not even be true.

Also, I'm not a serial "meh" poster, but I use it from time to time when I mostly disagree and/or don't give a damn. Are you the weird caps poster who needs to be sedated? OP asked a question and people responded to that question. We sincerely appreciate your thought policing, but you may want to count to 10 or something.

No, I am not familiar with those meds nor do I need them. I think you need to chill dear. Maybe take a few deep breaths. Go pop one of your benzos. You sound like a psycho.

Says the poster who types in all bold....

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. Tell your husband. There should be no secrets among spouses.

[Anonymous]

Update (again) I told my husband. I had to it was killing me and really pissing me off that she put me here to begin with.

He was in shock but I totally trust him and we both agreed its between us. He agrees to not take the trip and understands my predicament. She called today and left a snooty message about cancelling the flights/hotel if we are really not going. I left her a message telling her we cannot, didn't expand on it, just very blunt. She KNOWS she is so wrong.

I am sad on one hand as I do care for her and something tell s me her husband will find out. I feel like she is really putting everything on the line for a fun roll in the hay, so not worth it. I really tried to talk her out of it but she has chosen to not listen. It is out of my hands now.

Thanks for your input.