Dating Strategy: Late Thirties Female

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

It's not crazy, but it IS unrealistic. But you enjoy searching for your unicorn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're doing great then. Why do you need any advice?

Op here. Because I haven’t found my person yet and want to optimize my chances of doing that.

And is that because these men who are tripping over themselves to date you the last three months don't earn more than $200,000? Or is it because they don't want to start families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're doing great then. Why do you need any advice?

Op here. Because I haven’t found my person yet and want to optimize my chances of doing that.

What have been your reasons for rejecting them if they meet all of your criteria? Or are they rejecting you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

At this point it is not crazy that almost all the men left who meet your criteria are only dating women 36 and younger. Everything will have to go perfectly well for you to have two kids in marriage. You'd have to meet your person today, date and be engaged after a year, married after 1.5 - 2 years, no fertility issues, no early menopause etc. Why would a man do that when he could date a woman with all your attributes who is 33 or 35?

It's different if a man has already fallen for you, say someone from work, school or your childhood, who has been waiting and praying for you to be single ( have a friend who had two men ready to pounce when she left her cheating DH). But a man who is looking to have biological children and has never met you will probably not be interested.

Now there might be some men who lie about wanting children just to get married and those who don't mind not having any but will have 1 or 2 if that is what it takes to marry a beautiful woman. You can hope to find these, but you can end up with one who will be actively praying for you not to get pregnant. That will be a mess.

Op here. You are so cruel. I’ve been dating for 3 months and I’ve already met multiple men who meet this criteria who have wanted to date me and with whom I didn’t proceed for one or another reason. Stop with the unhelpful doomsday scenarios.

People aren’t dead after 35!

But you are still single despite meting MULTIPLE men who meet your criteria. Maybe put a front page as in the WaPost.

OP here. You are correct. I turned down 3 offers of being a girlfriend. I’m single so far by choice because I don’t feel like I have had a strong enough connection to proceed to something serious.

You're not single by choice. If you were, you wouldn't be whining about it here.

You do realize that getting married generally starts with being a girlfriend, right?

Do you have sex with these men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interested to how this measures up to your wants:

38
Never married
Homes in US and Europe so he's always back and forth
Extremely intelligent - genuinely just someone so interested to talk to
Equally high EQ
Unsure about kids
5'8ish
Way more than $200k
Honesty, integrity
Fit, active

With all those great qualities, most women will look past height. I certainly would. He's a catch!

If OP wants someone to look past her age, she's going to have to make compromises too.

Height isn't a big deal - it's really not much of a compromise. Almost all of my friends wouldn't care, even my 5'9 friend. Someone who is extremely intelligent, high EQ, rich, honest, high integrity, fit, active, and single is a catch for any woman, period.

Right so someone in OPs position isn't going to find it all, and compromises will be made. Most likely he will be divorced, have a few kids of his own, some baggage, and maybe a vasectomy that needs to be reversed.

Uh, no, that has already been addressed above. A divorced man with a few kids is a liability. OP is better off single. Compromise on something like height, sure. But a divorced man with kids and a vasectomy? In no world should OP even accept a message from such a man.

I mean, she has a strategy to get to her ultimate goal of having a kid in a year. It's going to require some flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

Why is it not crazy? Why would you expect him to make 33% more than you do?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, you're being entirely unreasonable, OP.

If you're really serious about meeting someone and having children with them, you need to do two things:

1. Freeze your eggs now.
2. Pay for the services of a real matchmaker.

Extra thing 3. Failing 2, treat OLD like it's your JOB. Best foot forward, great but realistic pics, look after your health and body, diligent searching and communication every day, it's a needle in a haystack and you've got to process a large volume of candidates (hence matchmaking services advised).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

I'm 39 and dating a man who meets all of these criteria. It's not that hard, but it is a numbers game. You need to make swiping through profiles on apps like a part time job. Read about the burn the haystack method for sorting through men, it's basically how to weed out all the low effort ones (which is like 99% of men on apps).

You say it's not that hard and at the same time says it's a part time job.

When I was on OLD I put in minimum effort and found dates. And I'm not even close to making $150k. In fact any woman who has an income filter will be a horrible match for me.

It’s not hard? It’s just swiping, messaging, and going on dates a few hours a week. It’s easy but it takes time, and you have to take it seriously if you want to get the best of the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

OP, I get it. But I'm telling you, demographically, there are a lot of decent dateable men with government jobs that are good jobs (well, before Trump). Stable with good benefits, TSP, FERS, etc. I wouldn't cut out ALL of those guys just because they make 25-50k less than your target range of 200 plus.

But you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

Just one data point. I meet your criteria. Been very focused on my career, so single, no drama, no baggage, aged 39. I date 25 to 32, no exceptions, because biology is a fact of life. Sorry to bear the news, but a few similarly situated male friends have the same rule. And all my other friends are married with kids. Good luck, though.

[Anonymous]

Someone who is on H1b and needs a green card

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

Just one data point. I meet your criteria. Been very focused on my career, so single, no drama, no baggage, aged 39. I date 25 to 32, no exceptions, because biology is a fact of life. Sorry to bear the news, but a few similarly situated male friends have the same rule. And all my other friends are married with kids. Good luck, though.

It's harsh but true that biology is what it is. I had kids "early" at 25 and 30, and then found out I was infertile due to a number of medical conditions that creeped up on me after kid #2. After that, it was miscarriage after miscarriage until I gave up. 7 miscarriages in all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

Just one data point. I meet your criteria. Been very focused on my career, so single, no drama, no baggage, aged 39. I date 25 to 32, no exceptions, because biology is a fact of life. Sorry to bear the news, but a few similarly situated male friends have the same rule. And all my other friends are married with kids. Good luck, though.

DP but no good man is left for the taking at 39. There is definitely something, sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

Just one data point. I meet your criteria. Been very focused on my career, so single, no drama, no baggage, aged 39. I date 25 to 32, no exceptions, because biology is a fact of life. Sorry to bear the news, but a few similarly situated male friends have the same rule. And all my other friends are married with kids. Good luck, though.

DP but no good man is left for the taking at 39. There is definitely something, sorry

Was in a long term relationship for 6 years mid twenties to early 30s. She died in a car crash. Stuff happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

Just one data point. I meet your criteria. Been very focused on my career, so single, no drama, no baggage, aged 39. I date 25 to 32, no exceptions, because biology is a fact of life. Sorry to bear the news, but a few similarly situated male friends have the same rule. And all my other friends are married with kids. Good luck, though.

Assuming you want kids as a non-negotiable and want some time as a couple before having kids, that’s smart. Figure date for a bit, get married etc, it may take 2-3 years before you try to get pregnant.

I feel like matchmaker might help OP. Hard to find someone who puts a priority on having kids who will want to match with a 39 year old.

I do have a friend who met her husband at 40, got oops pregnant after they were engaged and has a healthy kid. So I’d say trying to arrange “spontaneous” meeting guys who check your boxes might help you not get immediately filtered out by age.