Dating Strategy: Late Thirties Female

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

At this point it is not crazy that almost all the men left who meet your criteria are only dating women 36 and younger. Everything will have to go perfectly well for you to have two kids in marriage. You'd have to meet your person today, date and be engaged after a year, married after 1.5 - 2 years, no fertility issues, no early menopause etc. Why would a man do that when he could date a woman with all your attributes who is 33 or 35?

It's different if a man has already fallen for you, say someone from work, school or your childhood, who has been waiting and praying for you to be single ( have a friend who had two men ready to pounce when she left her cheating DH). But a man who is looking to have biological children and has never met you will probably not be interested.

Now there might be some men who lie about wanting children just to get married and those who don't mind not having any but will have 1 or 2 if that is what it takes to marry a beautiful woman. You can hope to find these, but you can end up with one who will be actively praying for you not to get pregnant. That will be a mess.

Op here. You are so cruel. I’ve been dating for 3 months and I’ve already met multiple men who meet this criteria who have wanted to date me and with whom I didn’t proceed for one or another reason. Stop with the unhelpful doomsday scenarios.

People aren’t dead after 35!

Look lady, you want kids. I’m not sure if you aren’t aware of basic biology, but after 35 you’re not dead but your child bearing years aren’t exactly in front of you. Is it possible? Absolutely. Is it easy? Maybe, if you’re lucky. But acting like being 38 and not even with a man at this point isn’t a big deal is some serious delusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interested to how this measures up to your wants:

38
Never married
Homes in US and Europe so he's always back and forth
Extremely intelligent - genuinely just someone so interested to talk to
Equally high EQ
Unsure about kids
5'8ish
Way more than $200k
Honesty, integrity
Fit, active

With all those great qualities, most women will look past height. I certainly would. He's a catch!

Nope. OP WANTS kids. This is the worst potential ever for a woman who wants kids. He will date her for a year and decide he doesn't want kids.

OP needs a man who wants kids yesterday. And she needs him today. Or she needs IVF and frozen embryos.

But a guy who wants kids wants a woman who is younger than 38…

[Anonymous]

"But a guy who wants kids wants a woman who is younger than 38…"

Not all. I agree, many. I married a man when I was older than this and we had kids. He cared about me and not my age. I agree you are in go-time, OP. But just do your best with the situation. And you wouldn't want to have kid(s) with someone who wasn't quite right for you or going to be a good father. So I gently suggest focusing on intentional dating (for Plan A, marriage and kid) for the next several months and if there's no one fabulous Plan B comes into place: Do I want to have/adopt a child alone? How do I feel if I don't have a kid? And consider getting in ob-gyn appointments/pre-conception tests now to get any tests, ask questions if you have good insurance. It 'will' be okay however life happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

Have you been in therapy? Staying with someone who didn’t want kids when you presumably did until you were 37 means something is off.

Are you looking for step kids? Adoption? Willing to be a SMBC?

No, she has not been in therapy or at least with a good therapist because she posts here multiple times a week. It’s almost manic behavior at this point.

Look OP, you keep asking this forum where to meet men. The truth is, you’ve tried all of the places to meet them, and none of them have worked. I’ll give it to you straight here. It’s not the case that you’re not finding the right man because you haven’t found that magical venue where all the single wealthy available interested qualified husband material men hang out. You aren’t finding him because you’re the one who’s not available, from a readiness / energy / emotional / spiritual sense. Think about that really hard. Find people who can help, whether that’s a therapist, energy healer, nature, whatever. Then and only then will you meet your match. You don’t want attract someone vibing on your current frequency, trust me. Do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interested to how this measures up to your wants:

38
Never married
Homes in US and Europe so he's always back and forth
Extremely intelligent - genuinely just someone so interested to talk to
Equally high EQ
Unsure about kids
5'8ish
Way more than $200k
Honesty, integrity
Fit, active

With all those great qualities, most women will look past height. I certainly would. He's a catch!

Nope. OP WANTS kids. This is the worst potential ever for a woman who wants kids. He will date her for a year and decide he doesn't want kids.

OP needs a man who wants kids yesterday. And she needs him today. Or she needs IVF and frozen embryos.

But a guy who wants kids wants a woman who is younger than 38…

She can have kids alone using a sperm bank and IUI/IVF instead of wasting her precious years dating someone who might not want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interested to how this measures up to your wants:

38
Never married
Homes in US and Europe so he's always back and forth
Extremely intelligent - genuinely just someone so interested to talk to
Equally high EQ
Unsure about kids
5'8ish
Way more than $200k
Honesty, integrity
Fit, active

With all those great qualities, most women will look past height. I certainly would. He's a catch!

Nope. OP WANTS kids. This is the worst potential ever for a woman who wants kids. He will date her for a year and decide he doesn't want kids.

OP needs a man who wants kids yesterday. And she needs him today. Or she needs IVF and frozen embryos.

But a guy who wants kids wants a woman who is younger than 38…

She can have kids alone using a sperm bank and IUI/IVF instead of wasting her precious years dating someone who might not want them.

And since that’s what she really wants, that’s what she should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not suggesting you'd be willing to change your perspective, or even capable of it. However, something for you to consider. I'll offer you the life hack to finding a great guy and having a happy marriage.

My tall, great looking, slim, very fit and smart Caucasian son is 37 and makes well above your income requirement in a non-Al threatened industry. Also within a finger of proposing to his Latina 38 gf. Make no mistake about it, there is no one that would describe her as slender, nor anyone on the planet that would say she has nice legs/ass. She's almost a foot shorter, a professional that makes a fraction of his income and lets it all slip thru her fingers. To top it all off, she's in bad health with an acute illness.
You know what she does have. A sweet and gracious personality to everyone. A desire to have a child. Is feminine and makes him feel like a man (and that ladies is the life hack). I'm not happy about the odds stacked towards having an ugly grandkid, but hey, the child will be loved unconditionally and be bilingual and hopefully a great personality.

He's experienced lots of very attractive and gorgeous gf's, most were liberal leaning because that's the majority in the age range. Lots of feminist that want to compete and not compromise with some really whacky ideas on what's wrong with our culture. Attractive women that are more interested in social media than a real life. A woman that want's a man to support her dreams instead of shared dreams.

He's a conservative that believes in traditional roles. It took him a long time, but he finally found a woman that's beautiful on the inside.

Could that be you ? It's not for very many women these days apparently.
Good luck to you

I agree with all your points except the "ugly" grandchild. How could you, PP, when you're so thoughtful about the rest? Very disappointed.

This is so true. Happiness in women is the most attractive quality I find.

[Anonymous]

This isn't rocket science. IVF/sperm bank then bang whoever you find attractive whether they want kids, already have kids or not.

You should have had as kid ten years ago whether you found the "right" man or not. You have lots of time to find Mr. Right. Your fertility is the priority right now.

[Anonymous]

A man who has the qualities (income) you want and a family would also probably have a criteria that may disqualify you. A man who wants children would want a woman under age 35.

I remember a friends episode where Rachel was doing math about wanting a baby at 35. She worked backwards and realized she should meet the guy immediately at age 30 if she wanted to date, get engaged, plan a wedding and have a baby at age 35.

Late thirties is late to meet a guy to do these things with. You should be on your second or third kid by now. Most people want to be done having kids by 40. If you are late thirties, you will be even later thirties when you’re married if you meet your husband today and have first kid at 40. It isn’t impossible but I would lower your standards. Beggars can’t be choosers or accept no baby.

[Anonymous]

Your values are completely off.

My son is a teacher and a coach, great all around, who will make an excellent husband and father.

You are a desperate woman wanting to have children but would rule him out due to the income requirements.

He could have a baby and family with anyone he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

OP, I get it. But I'm telling you, demographically, there are a lot of decent dateable men with government jobs that are good jobs (well, before Trump). Stable with good benefits, TSP, FERS, etc. I wouldn't cut out ALL of those guys just because they make 25-50k less than your target range of 200 plus.

But you do you.

+1 it would ruled out someone like my fed husband, who has been a wonderful partner but prioritizes work/life balance.

[Anonymous]

*rule out ^^

[Anonymous]

Op doesn’t care about values or reality or any of that. She never ever replies to any of those comments, which would show a bit of self reflection. Read her other posts. They’re all “lots of dates lol I want a baby!” She’s waiting for this one magical recommendation on where to find the man that will solve her problems. But she’s not self aware enough to realize the intricacies of partnership and the realizes or brining another soul into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interested to how this measures up to your wants:

38
Never married
Homes in US and Europe so he's always back and forth
Extremely intelligent - genuinely just someone so interested to talk to
Equally high EQ
Unsure about kids
5'8ish
Way more than $200k
Honesty, integrity
Fit, active

Gross.

Height is the stupidest of all criteria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're doing great then. Why do you need any advice?

Op here. Because I haven’t found my person yet and want to optimize my chances of doing that.

Lower your standards or stay single. No man in his prime years with good money is going to rush to marry a 35+ woman while so many women between 25 and 30 are available.

Look for men over 55 you may have better luck.

Gross. So she can be a caretaker for an old man and a toddler at the same time? Unless he's Jeff Bezos rich, no.

There are so many scenarios presented here that are worse than just staying single and getting a sperm donor for IVF. T

Ok so this is good. We have established what you are (and maybe OP). Now we’re just negotiating price.