Dating Strategy: Late Thirties Female

[Anonymous]

In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

[Anonymous]

What advice did you get here that didn't work out?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1315341.page

[Anonymous]

INFO:

Why aren’t married now? What happened in previous relationships? You’re attractive, have a career and the social skills to date. Most people in your situation who wanted a family married by 35, why didn’t you?

There are very few men in your age range who want to be married and aren’t married already. Understanding what went wrong for you is going to help you strategize how to connect with the small pool that’s left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

[Anonymous]

You're 38. Stop wasting time. Get thee to a sperm bank, and make this happen on your own.

Perhaps or perhaps not, you will find a good partner sometime in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:everything could be ok but why you didn't have family by this age. You do understand that men who want kids and family would go for younger so you should be ok in dating single dads too.

Hard no on single dads. You're better off staying single, and if you really want kids, get an anonymous sperm donor. Single dads are going to be more of a liability to you than an asset, especially if you want kids of your own.

[Anonymous]

Don't be so picky. His interests don't have to be yours. He can make $150k just like you. Don't talk about your age.

[Anonymous]

Continuing: so far the men I’ve met on the apps meet the income criteria or come close:

- one made 230k
- one made 170k
- one made 200k

So it’s like not impossible but more about timing and chemistry and alignment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In DC, I think you should look for 150k or higher. A lot of government jobs top out around 176k

Op here. I only have the income requirement because this is a very HCOL area and I’m targeting men 36+ given my age. At this point it’s not crazy to want someone to make a little more money than me. Given the track I’m on, I’ll easily make 200k myself in a few years.

As for why I’m here: I am recently divorced due to a cheating spouse who did not want kids.

At this point it is not crazy that almost all the men left who meet your criteria are only dating women 36 and younger. Everything will have to go perfectly well for you to have two kids in marriage. You'd have to meet your person today, date and be engaged after a year, married after 1.5 - 2 years, no fertility issues, no early menopause etc. Why would a man do that when he could date a woman with all your attributes who is 33 or 35?

It's different if a man has already fallen for you, say someone from work, school or your childhood, who has been waiting and praying for you to be single ( have a friend who had two men ready to pounce when she left her cheating DH). But a man who is looking to have biological children and has never met you will probably not be interested.

Now there might be some men who lie about wanting children just to get married and those who don't mind not having any but will have 1 or 2 if that is what it takes to marry a beautiful woman. You can hope to find these, but you can end up with one who will be actively praying for you not to get pregnant. That will be a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:INFO:

Why aren’t married now? What happened in previous relationships? You’re attractive, have a career and the social skills to date. Most people in your situation who wanted a family married by 35, why didn’t you?

There are very few men in your age range who want to be married and aren’t married already. Understanding what went wrong for you is going to help you strategize how to connect with the small pool that’s left.

She has posted several times. He exH cheated on her and she stayed with him for too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:everything could be ok but why you didn't have family by this age. You do understand that men who want kids and family would go for younger so you should be ok in dating single dads too.

Hard no on single dads. You're better off staying single, and if you really want kids, get an anonymous sperm donor. Single dads are going to be more of a liability to you than an asset, especially if you want kids of your own.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're 38. Stop wasting time. Get thee to a sperm bank, and make this happen on your own.

Perhaps or perhaps not, you will find a good partner sometime in the future.

+1.

Get to the sperm bank yesterday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Continuing: so far the men I’ve met on the apps meet the income criteria or come close:

- one made 230k
- one made 170k
- one made 200k

So it’s like not impossible but more about timing and chemistry and alignment.

How do you know how much these guys make? I have a decent salary, but I don't go around telling people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

I'm 39 and dating a man who meets all of these criteria. It's not that hard, but it is a numbers game. You need to make swiping through profiles on apps like a part time job. Read about the burn the haystack method for sorting through men, it's basically how to weed out all the low effort ones (which is like 99% of men on apps).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I am looking to marry and have a child within the next few years.

I’m looking for the following in a man:
- character and integrity
- intelligence
- income 200k+ ( I make 150k)
- wants family and a child
- interested in health and fitness
- emotionally regulated
- interested in travel

Where and how can I find my person in the dev area? Any specific professions? Neighborhoods? Places of gathering?

I’m 38, slender and am told I’m pretty and look 32. Only dates I’ve met comment on how young I look and how nice my legs are. I’ve also been told I’m “elegant” and that they want to take me to a gala.

I don’t know what that says about me.

Please help! Any guidance would be amazing!

What’s wrong with these guys? Do they *all* not meet these criteria?