DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Have you tried being more kinky? For example wearing a dress and no panties on and whispering in his ears about it, or lifting your dress to show him or asking him to feel your wet vagina.

I am not trying to be "fresh" but we are adults here and sex is healthy and amazing. And when you have a spouse sex is even more exciting because there is no limit to experimenting as long as both are comfortable

I think it's fair to assume that if a woman is writing here about a sexual imbalance in her long term relationship, she's tried all the obvious stuff. If I tried what you suggested with my no-libido husband, his reaction would likely be devastating. Not on purpose; he wouldn't want to hurt me. It's just that his mind isn't there, and attempting to yank it where I want it would be jarring for him, resulting in a startled reaction, an uncomfortable laugh, and no sex.

And that's the thing... Initiating sex comes with the possibility that you will be rejected. Gently, kindly, of course, but rejected all the same. Or almost worse, that you'd be indulged, but with no interest from him. The more that happens, the more vulnerable you feel, and the harder the rejection hits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll say this as a married man. Any man who doesn't have any kind of health problems that prevent him from having sex and is voluntarily choosing not to have sex with his wife should immediately divorce her because he is robbing her of her happiness. Just because you are married to someone doesn't mean they have to sacrifice their happiness for you.

Do you think that sex is the only form of happiness you have to offer a woman? Do you not provide companionship, laughs, household partnership, co-parenting?

I miss sex, but if I had to put a number on it, it'd be maybe 10% of what I want from a relationship. Why would I give up 90% to maybe get 10%? That's asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Have you tried being more kinky? For example wearing a dress and no panties on and whispering in his ears about it, or lifting your dress to show him or asking him to feel your wet vagina.

I am not trying to be "fresh" but we are adults here and sex is healthy and amazing. And when you have a spouse sex is even more exciting because there is no limit to experimenting as long as both are comfortable

I think it's fair to assume that if a woman is writing here about a sexual imbalance in her long term relationship, she's tried all the obvious stuff. If I tried what you suggested with my no-libido husband, his reaction would likely be devastating. Not on purpose; he wouldn't want to hurt me. It's just that his mind isn't there, and attempting to yank it where I want it would be jarring for him, resulting in a startled reaction, an uncomfortable laugh, and no sex.

And that's the thing... Initiating sex comes with the possibility that you will be rejected. Gently, kindly, of course, but rejected all the same. Or almost worse, that you'd be indulged, but with no interest from him. The more that happens, the more vulnerable you feel, and the harder the rejection hits.

Exactly like this! And we feel so lonely too! In the relationship and, in my case (OP), in the shame/ embarrassment of the situation, not feeling comfortable to talk to my friends about this, to expose myself, him, our marriage…. That is why venting on anonymity helps alleviate the pain a bit.

[Anonymous]

I get OP. I was incredibly miserable until kids went to college and then I left. My ex spouse appears to be sexual with a new partner, so I may be partly to blame in some way. Like OP, I became so resentful of the humiliation of having to be celibate that I lost all attraction to my ex. By the end of my marriage, I didn't want to do it either. I can remember being very attracted to my ex but that was a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for all the women here in sexless marriages.

Is it an ED issue for you? In other words, if they could longer have PIV and Viagra (doesn't work all the time and for everyone) fails to help, would you be okay on other forms of sex and intimacy.

The reason I ask this question is that I have noticed when I have sex with a woman and I don't ejaculate she feels as if either I didn't enjoy it or I am into her etc. I feel like for us men when it comes to sex women expect us to always be ready wrong erection, ejaculation etc...Or is it just a perception that's wrong?

Yes! I would love for there to be intimacy. It doesn’t have to be PIV. I mean we have no intimacy now. Other forms of touch especially sensual. Touch are very loving intimate and connected. That’s the piece that’s missing. Yeah do I wanna be railed, sure do! Would I be happy just knowing my husband desired me and we could be close that would also be really nice.

I’ve asked him to use toys with me and sensual massage and he says he will, but it never happens. Ive tried to introduce bsdm. With him choosing roles. Nothing. I’d love oral it would be amazing. I’ve had boyfriends that had ED and that’s all we did. It was beautiful and I felt so loved/wanted. It’s the connection that’s missing .

Before it got bad, yeah I associated lack of erection with lack of desire. I was used to being responded to with great enthusiasm in the past.

And I spent years giving blowjobs and no reciprocal handies to him, hoping it’s some way he would get over this no pun intended hump (slump). Nothing worked to keep things consistently going and never initiation from him. Eventually I just rolled over and stopped asking. He’s become asexual. I have not.

So yeah I’d be into anything that signaled his interest.

Wow you are not asking much that's a really low bar to clear. You wanna be caressed, eaten out, f**d in all kind of positions that's basic sex. I am sorry.

Have you tried being more kinky? For example wearing a dress and no panties on and whispering in his ears about it, or lifting your dress to show him or asking him to feel your wet vagina.

I am not trying to be "fresh" but we are adults here and sex is healthy and amazing. And when you have a spouse sex is even more exciting because there is no limit to experimenting as long as both are comfortable

Oh honey, of course I’ve tried all that. Multiple times. I’ve grabbed his junk and walked him around the house like a dog too…he loved it. We had two minutes of sex that fell apart after I stopped directly stimulating him. I made no big deal about it and he yawned in my face. It’s a him thing.

It looks like you have tried everything. Your only options are:
accept the situation, divorce, or open up the marriage (he may be into cuckolding).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might have to give him a little shove in the HRT direction if he's just never getting around to it. There's a lot of bro-sciencey things on the internet about it but here's the least painful way to do it.

Get him to agree to onboard with an online provider, there are a few popular ones (Defy has been around a long time). He will have to take labs through labcorp (blood), and a physical (you can even get one from CVS/Target). They will give you options for delivery mechanism (SubQ injections are ideal, especially if you have kids, compared to gels as this limits any potential exposure to them). They will send everything in the mail, minus alcohol swabs. He will have some follow ups.

It takes 5 minutes a week to do two injections. Ask him if he feels better after a few months. If Low T was the major issue he will have more energy, better mood, better athletic performance, concentration, and sex drive.

The downside with in person providers is they will try and extract more money from you by forcing you to come in and get injections from them. It is also more difficult to get a Rx from a GP, as they don't care if you are on the extreme low end of T. Perhaps if you laid it all out for him and got the ball rolling he will accommodate.

No need for HRT. Just hit the gym 4 times a week. Focus on compound lifts squat, bench, row, pull ups, deadlift. And in cardio..and you are good to go. I am 53 and want sex everyday. But DW wants it 3 or 4 times a week and that works for us.

Finally, this guy is making some sense. No need to go on TRT your recipe is above. I’d add get enough good quality sleep every night, drink enough water and have him get in the sun every day for at least 20 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might have to give him a little shove in the HRT direction if he's just never getting around to it. There's a lot of bro-sciencey things on the internet about it but here's the least painful way to do it.

Get him to agree to onboard with an online provider, there are a few popular ones (Defy has been around a long time). He will have to take labs through labcorp (blood), and a physical (you can even get one from CVS/Target). They will give you options for delivery mechanism (SubQ injections are ideal, especially if you have kids, compared to gels as this limits any potential exposure to them). They will send everything in the mail, minus alcohol swabs. He will have some follow ups.

It takes 5 minutes a week to do two injections. Ask him if he feels better after a few months. If Low T was the major issue he will have more energy, better mood, better athletic performance, concentration, and sex drive.

The downside with in person providers is they will try and extract more money from you by forcing you to come in and get injections from them. It is also more difficult to get a Rx from a GP, as they don't care if you are on the extreme low end of T. Perhaps if you laid it all out for him and got the ball rolling he will accommodate.

No need for HRT. Just hit the gym 4 times a week. Focus on compound lifts squat, bench, row, pull ups, deadlift. And in cardio..and you are good to go. I am 53 and want sex everyday. But DW wants it 3 or 4 times a week and that works for us.

Finally, this guy is making some sense. No need to go on TRT your recipe is above. I’d add get enough good quality sleep every night, drink enough water and have him get in the sun every day for at least 20 minutes.

DW can confirm my DH’s libido went up after he started lifting 3x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is just setting up for an AP. My ex AP use to victimize a lot. She just wanted d, and rationalize her desires and wants this way. Scary...

Keep in mind for women everything they do is justify. I'll admit as men we do stupid things everyday and will admin we are just wrong. For women it's different. If they ever step out it's never their fault. Someone likely the DH pushed them. The DH bought the condoms..the DH opened the condom, put it on the AP penis and put into his DW's vagina. Don't blame her. Blame the DH.

This has more to do with how you feel about women than the OP. She said that she's not interested in sex with other men and would rather fix the intimacy in her marriage.

[Anonymous]

We've gone past not liking sex and are into hating sex.

He's gay, an abuse victim, or is hiding something. My wife is sadly a rape victim and it's not like what it is on TV. It was more traumatic because we're trying to have a baby.

My wife says why would you marry a man who wasn't wanting to have sex? As a couple we get a lot of pleasure knowing we might be making a baby despite being north of 45. Kids are a blast if we can parent how we want.

[Anonymous]

Last poster again

What do you guys do instead of having sex? My wife wonders why he wouldn't want to have sex with his wife and make babies? That's his job.

I was getting Sal from Mad Men vibes from your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that women have a much higher sex drive as they age compared to men. And women unlike men encounter issues much later than men. You don't have to deal with loss of erection. If you are dry just use lubes. If a man can't get hard or Cialis is taking awhile to kick in he can't f**k you.

No, it isn’t even close. This thread represents the minority of marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that women have a much higher sex drive as they age compared to men. And women unlike men encounter issues much later than men. You don't have to deal with loss of erection. If you are dry just use lubes. If a man can't get hard or Cialis is taking awhile to kick in he can't f**k you.

No, it isn’t even close. This thread represents the minority of marriages.

Perhaps. More than you believe though.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately men think ED is the end of sex. It’s so non imaginative /unsexy. I love a D, there’s so much more we can do besides straight up piv. Sometimes I wish I was bi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might have to give him a little shove in the HRT direction if he's just never getting around to it. There's a lot of bro-sciencey things on the internet about it but here's the least painful way to do it.

Get him to agree to onboard with an online provider, there are a few popular ones (Defy has been around a long time). He will have to take labs through labcorp (blood), and a physical (you can even get one from CVS/Target). They will give you options for delivery mechanism (SubQ injections are ideal, especially if you have kids, compared to gels as this limits any potential exposure to them). They will send everything in the mail, minus alcohol swabs. He will have some follow ups.

It takes 5 minutes a week to do two injections. Ask him if he feels better after a few months. If Low T was the major issue he will have more energy, better mood, better athletic performance, concentration, and sex drive.

The downside with in person providers is they will try and extract more money from you by forcing you to come in and get injections from them. It is also more difficult to get a Rx from a GP, as they don't care if you are on the extreme low end of T. Perhaps if you laid it all out for him and got the ball rolling he will accommodate.

No need for HRT. Just hit the gym 4 times a week. Focus on compound lifts squat, bench, row, pull ups, deadlift. And in cardio..and you are good to go. I am 53 and want sex everyday. But DW wants it 3 or 4 times a week and that works for us.

Finally, this guy is making some sense. No need to go on TRT your recipe is above. I’d add get enough good quality sleep every night, drink enough water and have him get in the sun every day for at least 20 minutes.

DW can confirm my DH’s libido went up after he started lifting 3x a week.

Weight lifting, good sleep and hydration has an unbelievably positive impact on libido for men. Its amazing actually. And it's very cheap too. Just a gym membership, a good mattress, staying off electronics several hours before bed, and a good water filter that's it. And your wife will thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately men think ED is the end of sex. It’s so non imaginative /unsexy. I love a D, there’s so much more we can do besides straight up piv. Sometimes I wish I was bi.

I agree with you. I don't have ED yet. I am 45 so maybe it's coming soon. You are correct when it comes to sex the options are endless. Some nights I just eat my wife out for 40 straight minutes..she gets O after O and squirts a lot in between. After this she gets so sensitive down there she doesn't even want the D