DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost
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Anonymous
| My husband of many years does not like sex. I love sex. We have elementary school age kids and parenting is very stressful, but his lack of a sexual appetite pre-dates our children. I have not had sex in more than a year, maybe almost two, I stopped tracking it, it was too depressing. He never initiates it, I feel unwanted and rejected. It is a terribly sad feeling. He has low testosterone levels but does not seek medical assistance to help increase them. I have lost count of how many times I have opened up to him how much this hurts me and our marriage. I believe I initiated probably 90% of all our sexual interactions when we had them. The same way I am the one to plans date nights (they are very rare), vacations, kids lives, etc. He is sympathetic when we talk about this, but NOTHING changes. He tells me he loves me and loves our life and our family. I crave sex, I feel that I am still too young (mid 40s) and full of life to accept that my sexual life is just want I can help myself with. I am sad and lost. He is a good father, a good guy, and we have a good life (minus this major crack that the lack of intimacy brings into my life). I feel lonely, I know he has been depressed lately due to his aging parents issues, and I don’t know what to do to turn things around. I am tired and feel defeated. I am embarrassed to admit that I feel good when men look at me, observe me, I feel like my husband does not see me at all. It is a terrible feeling, and a very sad one, because I have loved him fiercely for all these years, and now I am questioning that I feel for him, and I have no intention of breaking up our family. |
Anonymous
| I hate to be that person but why did you marry and have kids? He could be with a person who doesn't want sex and you could be with a person that meets your drive. |
Anonymous
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Tell him that something needs to change, like opening up the marriage.
If you were always the one to initiate, you kind of had to expect something like this to happen, didn't you? |
Anonymous
| Sorry OP. If he has never been interested, it’s unlikely to be a health issue. Have you considered he may be gay? |
Anonymous
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Sounds like he's never been interested and you still married him. If he is uninterested in making a change (meds or therapy) Divorce. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry OP.
I am about ten years older than you, and my kids are a little older, but otherwise my story is the same. It is a terribly sad place to be. I too will not break up my family, but imagining that this is all I'll have for the rest of my life is very depressing. My husband was always low-drive and the sex wasn't great, but it was good enough for me to accept (given many many other major positives.) Then things tanked after the kids now we're very affectionate best friends but there's no sex. No desire to effect change (despite countless conversations, tears, some therapy....) It's just awful. My sympathies. |
Anonymous
| If he does not want to help you have sex than he is not a good man who cares about you. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is likely gay. Ask him if you can hook up with other men. |
Anonymous
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Sorry OP! I feel terrible for your situation.
Is it possible he has ADHD? |
Anonymous
Thank you.
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Anonymous
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Get a jackrabbit and spend some time on erosberry dot com - they have some very tasteful female friendly erotic videos that you can use as visual stimulation for your self pleasuring
Life is about SO much more than sex, SO MUCH - if you have a partner who is otherwise great and you have a functional/happy family life, don't let your hormones ruin it. A decade from now you probably won't have much sex drive if any yourself and if you blow up your family to feed your sexual desires now that would have been a very silly choice |
Anonymous
If not ADHD, he probably has a porn addiction. Have you asked him whether he’s addicted to porn? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like the gender reversal troll. When men post the same thing, the man is blamed for not doing enough around the house; not getting the woman in the mood, etc. i.e. it's all the man's fault that the woman doesn't want it. |
Anonymous
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Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but:
- it’s likely he has low - T. Is he otherwise low energy or often down/ depressed? These are symptoms of it. In any event, you deserve better, OP. |
Anonymous
+ 1. Your husband denying you this type of affection and love is a form of emotional abuse. |