DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. If you don’t want to open up the marriage, you would have to work harder to seduce him. You need to things that will arouse him. He has fantasies, everyone does. Talk openly about them. It will save your sex life.

[Anonymous]

She is just setting up for an AP. My ex AP use to victimize a lot. She just wanted d, and rationalize her desires and wants this way. Scary...

[Anonymous]

Sympathy, OP. I'm in the same boat. We got together in our 40s and the sex was the best of my life. Now he's in his mid-50s and apparently just no longer a sexual creature. Like your husband, mine is very sweet, a wonderful partner in so many ways, and my best friend. He's been sympathetic the few times I've mustered up the nerve to talk to him about it, and nothing changes.

I would not divorce, because sex is not as important to my life as the rest-- equal partner, shared interests, lovely human. But I am sad.

I really need to ask him to get his testosterone checked. But like many men, he's SO sensitive about this stuff. I just know if I bring it up he's going to be walking around like a kicked puppy for days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is just setting up for an AP. My ex AP use to victimize a lot. She just wanted d, and rationalize her desires and wants this way. Scary...

Keep in mind for women everything they do is justify. I'll admit as men we do stupid things everyday and will admin we are just wrong. For women it's different. If they ever step out it's never their fault. Someone likely the DH pushed them. The DH bought the condoms..the DH opened the condom, put it on the AP penis and put into his DW's vagina. Don't blame her. Blame the DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might have to give him a little shove in the HRT direction if he's just never getting around to it. There's a lot of bro-sciencey things on the internet about it but here's the least painful way to do it.

Get him to agree to onboard with an online provider, there are a few popular ones (Defy has been around a long time). He will have to take labs through labcorp (blood), and a physical (you can even get one from CVS/Target). They will give you options for delivery mechanism (SubQ injections are ideal, especially if you have kids, compared to gels as this limits any potential exposure to them). They will send everything in the mail, minus alcohol swabs. He will have some follow ups.

It takes 5 minutes a week to do two injections. Ask him if he feels better after a few months. If Low T was the major issue he will have more energy, better mood, better athletic performance, concentration, and sex drive.

The downside with in person providers is they will try and extract more money from you by forcing you to come in and get injections from them. It is also more difficult to get a Rx from a GP, as they don't care if you are on the extreme low end of T. Perhaps if you laid it all out for him and got the ball rolling he will accommodate.

No need for HRT. Just hit the gym 4 times a week. Focus on compound lifts squat, bench, row, pull ups, deadlift. And in cardio..and you are good to go. I am 53 and want sex everyday. But DW wants it 3 or 4 times a week and that works for us.

Good for you. Why take stuff you don't need right? Some people do. Some people don't!

[Anonymous]

I have sympathy for all the women here in sexless marriages.

Is it an ED issue for you? In other words, if they could longer have PIV and Viagra (doesn't work all the time and for everyone) fails to help, would you be okay on other forms of sex and intimacy.

The reason I ask this question is that I have noticed when I have sex with a woman and I don't ejaculate she feels as if either I didn't enjoy it or I am into her etc. I feel like for us men when it comes to sex women expect us to always be ready wrong erection, ejaculation etc...Or is it just a perception that's wrong?

[Anonymous]

PP here strong not wrong*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone. I’m so sorry.

+1. Solidarity, OP. It sucks and I try not to think about it because it's so depressing and against the popular narrative men are horndogs. I do think it permeates the relationship on a low level even when things are "good." One little bickering argument but its always in the background we also haven't had sex in 3 years and a minor thing feels VERY important.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think that women have a much higher sex drive as they age compared to men. And women unlike men encounter issues much later than men. You don't have to deal with loss of erection. If you are dry just use lubes. If a man can't get hard or Cialis is taking awhile to kick in he can't f**k you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for all the women here in sexless marriages.

Is it an ED issue for you? In other words, if they could longer have PIV and Viagra (doesn't work all the time and for everyone) fails to help, would you be okay on other forms of sex and intimacy.

The reason I ask this question is that I have noticed when I have sex with a woman and I don't ejaculate she feels as if either I didn't enjoy it or I am into her etc. I feel like for us men when it comes to sex women expect us to always be ready wrong erection, ejaculation etc...Or is it just a perception that's wrong?

I definitely associate erection with arousal. If my partner can't get it up, it very much feels like he's not into me. He says otherwise, but his heart rate doesn't go up, his eyes don't go glassy... all that physiological stuff that signals sexual interest is absent. And that's a big turnoff.

I posted above about being in a mostly sexless marriage with my best friend, who I would not leave over sex. He's always willing to focus on me, but it's clear he isn't aroused. And that's most of what gets ME going. So if he's not into it, I'm not into it. And yes, I have tried many times to forge ahead and hope he catches up. He rarely does. And after, it's like he just had a good meal or something. No woozy pillow talk, no sweaty snuggling, just "that was great babe, good night!" Ugh, I don't even like thinking about how I feel after one-sided sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might have to give him a little shove in the HRT direction if he's just never getting around to it. There's a lot of bro-sciencey things on the internet about it but here's the least painful way to do it.

Get him to agree to onboard with an online provider, there are a few popular ones (Defy has been around a long time). He will have to take labs through labcorp (blood), and a physical (you can even get one from CVS/Target). They will give you options for delivery mechanism (SubQ injections are ideal, especially if you have kids, compared to gels as this limits any potential exposure to them). They will send everything in the mail, minus alcohol swabs. He will have some follow ups.

It takes 5 minutes a week to do two injections. Ask him if he feels better after a few months. If Low T was the major issue he will have more energy, better mood, better athletic performance, concentration, and sex drive.

The downside with in person providers is they will try and extract more money from you by forcing you to come in and get injections from them. It is also more difficult to get a Rx from a GP, as they don't care if you are on the extreme low end of T. Perhaps if you laid it all out for him and got the ball rolling he will accommodate.

NP. Does testosterone treatment cause increased hairloss in men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might have to give him a little shove in the HRT direction if he's just never getting around to it. There's a lot of bro-sciencey things on the internet about it but here's the least painful way to do it.

Get him to agree to onboard with an online provider, there are a few popular ones (Defy has been around a long time). He will have to take labs through labcorp (blood), and a physical (you can even get one from CVS/Target). They will give you options for delivery mechanism (SubQ injections are ideal, especially if you have kids, compared to gels as this limits any potential exposure to them). They will send everything in the mail, minus alcohol swabs. He will have some follow ups.

It takes 5 minutes a week to do two injections. Ask him if he feels better after a few months. If Low T was the major issue he will have more energy, better mood, better athletic performance, concentration, and sex drive.

The downside with in person providers is they will try and extract more money from you by forcing you to come in and get injections from them. It is also more difficult to get a Rx from a GP, as they don't care if you are on the extreme low end of T. Perhaps if you laid it all out for him and got the ball rolling he will accommodate.

NP. Does testosterone treatment cause increased hairloss in men?

Yes it does. My friend became completely bald at 35 following TRT. Why do men need TRT before 35 I have no idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for all the women here in sexless marriages.

Is it an ED issue for you? In other words, if they could longer have PIV and Viagra (doesn't work all the time and for everyone) fails to help, would you be okay on other forms of sex and intimacy.

The reason I ask this question is that I have noticed when I have sex with a woman and I don't ejaculate she feels as if either I didn't enjoy it or I am into her etc. I feel like for us men when it comes to sex women expect us to always be ready wrong erection, ejaculation etc...Or is it just a perception that's wrong?

I definitely associate erection with arousal. If my partner can't get it up, it very much feels like he's not into me. He says otherwise, but his heart rate doesn't go up, his eyes don't go glassy... all that physiological stuff that signals sexual interest is absent. And that's a big turnoff.

I posted above about being in a mostly sexless marriage with my best friend, who I would not leave over sex. He's always willing to focus on me, but it's clear he isn't aroused. And that's most of what gets ME going. So if he's not into it, I'm not into it. And yes, I have tried many times to forge ahead and hope he catches up. He rarely does. And after, it's like he just had a good meal or something. No woozy pillow talk, no sweaty snuggling, just "that was great babe, good night!" Ugh, I don't even like thinking about how I feel after one-sided sex.

I am one of the pps who had this issue for awhile and I think you might be overthinking this? I understand what you are talking about- DH being hungry for you versus "oh, sex- I can do that." My DH is very much the same, and I have stopped worrying about it. One, his libido isn't like mine, he never really has to wait for sex because it's always on the table for him without a wait. So of course he's not going to act like a guy who's been thinking about it and waiting- he never reaches that point. Two, sex isn't as romantic for him because he's a man who has been married for 17 years. It's ok. And three, when we are vacation he manages to be a little more revved up for me. So I let that disappointment about it go. We do it, he enjoys it, his level of passion is not my responsibility, especially since I do all the stuff he likes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might have to give him a little shove in the HRT direction if he's just never getting around to it. There's a lot of bro-sciencey things on the internet about it but here's the least painful way to do it.

Get him to agree to onboard with an online provider, there are a few popular ones (Defy has been around a long time). He will have to take labs through labcorp (blood), and a physical (you can even get one from CVS/Target). They will give you options for delivery mechanism (SubQ injections are ideal, especially if you have kids, compared to gels as this limits any potential exposure to them). They will send everything in the mail, minus alcohol swabs. He will have some follow ups.

It takes 5 minutes a week to do two injections. Ask him if he feels better after a few months. If Low T was the major issue he will have more energy, better mood, better athletic performance, concentration, and sex drive.

The downside with in person providers is they will try and extract more money from you by forcing you to come in and get injections from them. It is also more difficult to get a Rx from a GP, as they don't care if you are on the extreme low end of T. Perhaps if you laid it all out for him and got the ball rolling he will accommodate.

NP. Does testosterone treatment cause increased hairloss in men?

I suppose in some men it does. I haven't dealt with that myself. I suspect you would already know, as a man, if you were predisposed to hair loss and if that was an acceptable risk or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for all the women here in sexless marriages.

Is it an ED issue for you? In other words, if they could longer have PIV and Viagra (doesn't work all the time and for everyone) fails to help, would you be okay on other forms of sex and intimacy.

The reason I ask this question is that I have noticed when I have sex with a woman and I don't ejaculate she feels as if either I didn't enjoy it or I am into her etc. I feel like for us men when it comes to sex women expect us to always be ready wrong erection, ejaculation etc...Or is it just a perception that's wrong?

I definitely associate erection with arousal. If my partner can't get it up, it very much feels like he's not into me. He says otherwise, but his heart rate doesn't go up, his eyes don't go glassy... all that physiological stuff that signals sexual interest is absent. And that's a big turnoff.

I posted above about being in a mostly sexless marriage with my best friend, who I would not leave over sex. He's always willing to focus on me, but it's clear he isn't aroused. And that's most of what gets ME going. So if he's not into it, I'm not into it. And yes, I have tried many times to forge ahead and hope he catches up. He rarely does. And after, it's like he just had a good meal or something. No woozy pillow talk, no sweaty snuggling, just "that was great babe, good night!" Ugh, I don't even like thinking about how I feel after one-sided sex.

Look up "mindfulness". I think he is "absent" during sex. He needs to learn to be present. "Mindfulness" teaches you to be present. It's very hard though. It requires dedication and patience.

It helped me regained my sexual mojo back. In the past when I had sex as soon as I came I got and just didn't want to even touch my partner I was just done. Sometimes during sex I would have partial erections sometimes no erection. Sex was like a chore to please my partner. I saw therapist no help. I saw an urologist no help. Viagra Cialis didn't help. I was at loss until I saw a post on Reddit about "mindfulness".