DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.

If your sole criteria for a successful marriage is non-stop-effing, sounds like... marriage isn't your thing?

[Anonymous]

Makes me feel better that my husband always wants to jump on me… but is having issues finding a job. We all have our hang ups…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.

Our culture is very quick to pinpoint that a man is gay and I don't know why. We don't say the same about women. What is it about men that we start suspecting that they are gay?!

[Anonymous]

Same thing. Good husband and good father but little interest in sex after the first five or so years. I wasn't about to blow up my kid's lives because mommy isn't getting any. However, once the youngest graduated HS I left him. Had some of the best sex of my life after that, I had no idea it could be so great!

[Anonymous]

My wife doesn't want to have sex with me, and I have gone from mad to sad to bad. The last time? Probably seven years ago, when our second was conceived. She must definitely be gay too, actually, in this case, lesbian.

[Anonymous]

I waited 10 years no sex till I found out he was cheating. In retrospect I wish I had opened the marriage up. I was too traditional. He was already cheating though. My only consolation was that the kids were older when we finally divorced. Still it was a hard life with no sex in my 30s and 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same thing. Good husband and good father but little interest in sex after the first five or so years. I wasn't about to blow up my kid's lives because mommy isn't getting any. However, once the youngest graduated HS I left him. Had some of the best sex of my life after that, I had no idea it could be so great!

Same. After the youngest was in college, I left her. It’d been years since she had an interest in sex. Decent mom but lousy wife.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe the men claiming their wives don't want sex. From reading this forum my impression is that nearly all women love sex. And sexless marriages are solely the fault of the husbands because their wives regardless of age are always ready for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.

If your sole criteria for a successful marriage is non-stop-effing, sounds like... marriage isn't your thing?

I love how you ignored everything else she wrote.

Married people have sex. It is perfectly normal to expect sex in a marriage and it is abusive to arbitrarily decide it's not something you want to do and deny your spouse the intimacy (barring any health issues).

So, I'm guessing you're triggered because you are one of those spouses who denies his/her partner sex in a marriage? If so, you're an abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.

If your sole criteria for a successful marriage is non-stop-effing, sounds like... marriage isn't your thing?

I love how you ignored everything else she wrote.

Married people have sex. It is perfectly normal to expect sex in a marriage and it is abusive to arbitrarily decide it's not something you want to do and deny your spouse the intimacy (barring any health issues).

So, I'm guessing you're triggered because you are one of those spouses who denies his/her partner sex in a marriage? If so, you're an abuser.

Not you again with your expectations. Stuff happens; you sound immature and rigid.

[Anonymous]

My husband was like this and it was caused by alcohol. He was a functioning alcoholic. We now have an active sex life because he no longer drinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of my friends think my husband is gay, but he swears he's not. He is also not interested in our sex life, not romantic, not present. He's into himself, his career, his workout, and his friends, most of whom are women. He might be a bit neurodivergent, and maybe some ADHD, but it's hard to know for sure. The one thing that I am certain of is that he doesn't want sex with me, and yet after 20 years he also doesn't want a divorce. I wasted 12 years of my life trying to fill the void with other people when I could have been focused on building another relationship or advancing my career. Leave sooner or you'll never leave.

If your sole criteria for a successful marriage is non-stop-effing, sounds like... marriage isn't your thing?

I love how you ignored everything else she wrote.

Married people have sex. It is perfectly normal to expect sex in a marriage and it is abusive to arbitrarily decide it's not something you want to do and deny your spouse the intimacy (barring any health issues).

So, I'm guessing you're triggered because you are one of those spouses who denies his/her partner sex in a marriage? If so, you're an abuser.

Not you again with your expectations. Stuff happens; you sound immature and rigid.

What stuff happens? I already said that illness is not what I’m talking about. So what made you decide that it’s ok to just cut someone off and expect that they must be ok with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but:

- it’s likely he has low - T. Is he otherwise low energy or often down/ depressed? These are symptoms of it.

In any event, you deserve better, OP.

+ 1.

Your husband denying you this type of affection and love is a form of emotional abuse.

Unless it's a woman doing it, right? Then we read that, he is not entitled to her body and to expect sex is rapey, sex is not a need and he should just JO in the shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but:

- it’s likely he has low - T. Is he otherwise low energy or often down/ depressed? These are symptoms of it.

In any event, you deserve better, OP.

+ 1.

Your husband denying you this type of affection and love is a form of emotional abuse.

Yep. and it the roles were reversed .. Your man would not go for a sexless marriage... But ok.

Oh please. If the roles were reversed, we’d be saying she doesn’t owe him sex and shouldn’t be pressured to, that there’s something he’s doing to dampen her drive, that she’s too tired from child rearing and working, etc. and we’d be outraged if he cheated.
-woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife doesn't want to have sex with me, and I have gone from mad to sad to bad. The last time? Probably seven years ago, when our second was conceived. She must definitely be gay too, actually, in this case, lesbian.

Nope. I didn’t have sex from 40-47 because I hated my husband. Not gay.