Waiting 30+ to have kids

[Anonymous]

We married at 26/27 after 1 year of dating and 1 year of engagement.

We had our child when I was 40.

We had a 12 year honeymoon of international travel, parties, fine dining, devoting ourselves in our dream careers. We also bought a house and established ourselves financially.

My DH also was able to do an ivy league fellowship fir a graduate degree.

We had some help with fertility but I ended up conceiving naturally.

Our timeline worked great for us.

Friends who had kids young divorced. Someone told me to put it off, because once you have kids, it's 20 years of sacrificing your own goals.

I had had a rough childhood and wanted love, fun, pleasure and travel. So waiting worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

"Lower middle class folks"

My colleague did. She was a licensed architect, husband was on tenure track at a university.
I wish I could have had mine before 30 too. They'd be out of the house by now and I would have had a long lead time before retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on your health and fertility, OP. I had my last viable pregnancy at 30. I had multiple losses after 30 and recently discovered they were due to a blood clotting disorder, that apparently I did not have before (?). Fertility plummets after 35, and all kinds of other problems crop up (like mine), so just be aware of that.

But I agree that if you do not want kids now, please do not have kids! Children need and deserve 100% of your commitment. If in doubt, then it's no.

My fertility is fine as far as I know. All my blood work and gyno checkups look good. I’m on a non-hormonal IUD so no waiting time once it’s taken out.

I’m healthy and fit. We eat well, workout, and we are pretty active.

That's nice but not a guarantee of fertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

The upper class. They are the only ones who can afford to raise them they way they want at that age. It's UMC/MC that wait. The longer you wait the more MC/LMC you are..... I see you first time parents at 40....

And the very lowest class.
I don't think there is any "good" time to have kids but I think if marriage is stable and good, earlier is better than being granny parents. No child wants that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We married at 26/27 after 1 year of dating and 1 year of engagement.

We had our child when I was 40.

We had a 12 year honeymoon of international travel, parties, fine dining, devoting ourselves in our dream careers. We also bought a house and established ourselves financially.

My DH also was able to do an ivy league fellowship fir a graduate degree.

We had some help with fertility but I ended up conceiving naturally.

Our timeline worked great for us.

Friends who had kids young divorced. Someone told me to put it off, because once you have kids, it's 20 years of sacrificing your own goals.

I had had a rough childhood and wanted love, fun, pleasure and travel. So waiting worked for us.

We had a 3rd at 40 and I worry about how little time they will have with us. I hope you at least gave your child a sibling?

[Anonymous]

anything older than 30 is a major risk for both defects and infertility for the woman, start trying now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We married at 26/27 after 1 year of dating and 1 year of engagement.

We had our child when I was 40.

We had a 12 year honeymoon of international travel, parties, fine dining, devoting ourselves in our dream careers. We also bought a house and established ourselves financially.

My DH also was able to do an ivy league fellowship fir a graduate degree.

We had some help with fertility but I ended up conceiving naturally.

Our timeline worked great for us.

Friends who had kids young divorced. Someone told me to put it off, because once you have kids, it's 20 years of sacrificing your own goals.

I had had a rough childhood and wanted love, fun, pleasure and travel. So waiting worked for us.

Your post is incredibly irresponsible and could seriously mislead women reading it. Just because things worked out for you doesn’t mean this is the norm, and glossing over the risks of waiting to have kids is reckless. Fertility drops fast after 35, and many women face heartbreaking struggles with infertility or have to go through expensive, invasive treatments like IVF that still don’t guarantee success. Acting like getting pregnant naturally at 40 is no big deal is misleading and dangerous.

Let’s talk about the actual risks you completely ignored. Pregnancy at an older age comes with way higher chances of complications like preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, and issues like Down syndrome. These aren’t small concerns—they can change lives for the worse for both mom and baby. Brushing these off as if they’re not a factor is not just ignorant, it’s irresponsible. Other women reading your post might take your experience as advice, and that could lead to them making decisions they’ll regret when things don’t work out as easily for them.

And seriously, saying that having kids earlier means “20 years of sacrificing your goals” is flat-out insulting. Plenty of people balance having kids and building careers, traveling, or doing whatever else is important to them. Acting like you did it the “right” way is dismissive and condescending to those who chose a different path. It’s not your place to shame younger parents or pretend like their lives are over because they had kids earlier.

You got lucky, plain and simple. But spreading this narrative without acknowledging the risks or challenges is harmful. Stop pretending your personal story is a blueprint for everyone else—it’s not, and pushing this kind of message could hurt a lot of women who don’t have the same outcome as you.

[Anonymous]

Had our first at 28/29. Have 3 kids now (ages range between 7 and 14) and we’re 42/43. It hasn’t been perfect for us, but it has been wonderful. If I could go back I would have done it earlier and had more.

Just our experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We married at 26/27 after 1 year of dating and 1 year of engagement.

We had our child when I was 40.

We had a 12 year honeymoon of international travel, parties, fine dining, devoting ourselves in our dream careers. We also bought a house and established ourselves financially.

My DH also was able to do an ivy league fellowship fir a graduate degree.

We had some help with fertility but I ended up conceiving naturally.

Our timeline worked great for us.

Friends who had kids young divorced. Someone told me to put it off, because once you have kids, it's 20 years of sacrificing your own goals.

I had had a rough childhood and wanted love, fun, pleasure and travel. So waiting worked for us.

As I get older, I realize a big reason for this is that a 50 year old whose kids have launched has more options than a 50 year old with young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on your health and fertility, OP. I had my last viable pregnancy at 30. I had multiple losses after 30 and recently discovered they were due to a blood clotting disorder, that apparently I did not have before (?). Fertility plummets after 35, and all kinds of other problems crop up (like mine), so just be aware of that.

But I agree that if you do not want kids now, please do not have kids! Children need and deserve 100% of your commitment. If in doubt, then it's no.

My fertility is fine as far as I know. All my blood work and gyno checkups look good. I’m on a non-hormonal IUD so no waiting time once it’s taken out.

I’m healthy and fit. We eat well, workout, and we are pretty active.

That's nice but not a guarantee of fertility.

Have you had a fertility workup or do you mean just regular bloodwork. What matters is amh and afc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had our first at 28/29. Have 3 kids now (ages range between 7 and 14) and we’re 42/43. It hasn’t been perfect for us, but it has been wonderful. If I could go back I would have done it earlier and had more.

Just our experience.

I have a 14 year old and 42 is on the way low end of people I know with 14 year olds maybe because my 14 year olds friends are not the oldest?

[Anonymous]

They are psycho. Having kids is so hard. Enjoy your life first! I waited till 35

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We married at 26/27 after 1 year of dating and 1 year of engagement.

We had our child when I was 40.

We had a 12 year honeymoon of international travel, parties, fine dining, devoting ourselves in our dream careers. We also bought a house and established ourselves financially.

My DH also was able to do an ivy league fellowship fir a graduate degree.

We had some help with fertility but I ended up conceiving naturally.

Our timeline worked great for us.

Friends who had kids young divorced. Someone told me to put it off, because once you have kids, it's 20 years of sacrificing your own goals.

I had had a rough childhood and wanted love, fun, pleasure and travel. So waiting worked for us.

Your post is incredibly irresponsible and could seriously mislead women reading it. Just because things worked out for you doesn’t mean this is the norm, and glossing over the risks of waiting to have kids is reckless. Fertility drops fast after 35, and many women face heartbreaking struggles with infertility or have to go through expensive, invasive treatments like IVF that still don’t guarantee success. Acting like getting pregnant naturally at 40 is no big deal is misleading and dangerous.

Let’s talk about the actual risks you completely ignored. Pregnancy at an older age comes with way higher chances of complications like preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, and issues like Down syndrome. These aren’t small concerns—they can change lives for the worse for both mom and baby. Brushing these off as if they’re not a factor is not just ignorant, it’s irresponsible. Other women reading your post might take your experience as advice, and that could lead to them making decisions they’ll regret when things don’t work out as easily for them.

And seriously, saying that having kids earlier means “20 years of sacrificing your goals” is flat-out insulting. Plenty of people balance having kids and building careers, traveling, or doing whatever else is important to them. Acting like you did it the “right” way is dismissive and condescending to those who chose a different path. It’s not your place to shame younger parents or pretend like their lives are over because they had kids earlier.

You got lucky, plain and simple. But spreading this narrative without acknowledging the risks or challenges is harmful. Stop pretending your personal story is a blueprint for everyone else—it’s not, and pushing this kind of message could hurt a lot of women who don’t have the same outcome as you.

Oh my goodness, you are reading far, far too much into PP’s post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

Lower middle class folks

Nah, go to a fancy private school. The parents have their first around 25 or around 40, not many in their 30s..... but those are mostly UC/UMC folks. Maybe LMC also have them young but live in the burbs - I would know.

My twins go to private school and I had them at 34. I am the exact same age (graduated from college the same year) as the majority of their friend's moms.

Top tier private, not catholic or church school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on your health and fertility, OP. I had my last viable pregnancy at 30. I had multiple losses after 30 and recently discovered they were due to a blood clotting disorder, that apparently I did not have before (?). Fertility plummets after 35, and all kinds of other problems crop up (like mine), so just be aware of that.

But I agree that if you do not want kids now, please do not have kids! Children need and deserve 100% of your commitment. If in doubt, then it's no.

My fertility is fine as far as I know. All my blood work and gyno checkups look good. I’m on a non-hormonal IUD so no waiting time once it’s taken out.

I’m healthy and fit. We eat well, workout, and we are pretty active.

I went off hormonal birth control and got pregnant two weeks later. The "waiting period" isn't always a thing.

Same. I'd been on birth control from 18-30 and just assumed it would take some time but nope. Happened twice for me.