Waiting 30+ to have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.

Agree: kids are expensive and a huge change for your life in every way imaginable. Also, a condo would not be ideal for a family. I wouldn’t have kids until there was a way out of the condo soon after first child, at the latest. With that said, I would definitely try to be done having kids before 35

[Anonymous]

No it is definitely NOT insane - in fact it is very smart.

Once children enter the picture, life changes entirely.
In every area.
And there is no going back.

Enjoy your youth as well as the freedom it provides.
Travel as much as you can, experience the true joy of learning new things.

This way > once you do have children, then you can know fundamentally that you have already experienced life to its fullest which will make you a very satisfied parent to your children❣️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. Get tested now though. My fertility was shot by 32 or at least don’t waste a lot of time trying if it’s not working
After 3-4 months.

Same. Got pregnant with my first and only at 30, then when I started trying again 32-33 I learned I was in premature menopause and my eggs were totally shot. I focus on how lucky I was to have my one instead of waiting until my mid-30s like many of my friends did, but it’s taken a lot of years and heartache to get to that point.

Now that’s the minority of women for sure, but had I done fertility testing at 30, I would have known ahead of time and may have been able to catch that last good egg before it disappeared. No family history or any indication it would happen to me. Just something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Had my kids at 29,32,35. If you might want more than 2 I would probably start before 30. We started trying when I was turning 28 and endometriosis made it difficult for me to conceive. Had my first naturally after a year of trying, second and third were IVF.

I don’t know if anyone is ever ready for kids - the biggest pieces are being in a stable relationship with both partners wanting kids, and being emotionally and financially stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.

This is true. Wait until you are ready. Just had my first at 35 and I am exhausted and will be paying $30k a year for childcare. I love my baby so
Much. So glad I had her but would not have been able to do this in my twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ( 27) and my husband ( 28) have been together for 5 years - married for 1 year. We have good jobs, own a condo, no debt, etc., but we are not ready for kids. I would like to wait until 30 but everyone we know keeps pushing us to have kids right away. Is it really insane of us to want to wait until 30 for kids?

People are stupid. Ignore them.

[Anonymous]

Obviously it is fine to wait until 30. I had my first at 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ( 27) and my husband ( 28) have been together for 5 years - married for 1 year. We have good jobs, own a condo, no debt, etc., but we are not ready for kids. I would like to wait until 30 but everyone we know keeps pushing us to have kids right away. Is it really insane of us to want to wait until 30 for kids?

Absolutely wait. I want to talk about why you were together 4 years before marrying.

Was it a long engagement? Was that your choice or was DH holding things slow? Is he excited for kids?

Also a condo is terrible home for family, the fees on older condos go insane and renters take over. It used to be a decent investment if you could buy it VERY cheap compared to rents but that hasn’t been the case since the 2000s, except in NYC maybe

Not op, but I’m guessing it had something to do with the fact that she was 22 when she met him? Like, a practical baby. I met DH at 22 and we were doubled down on each other right away, but it would have been totally bizarre in our circle to have married with a year or two. We got married after 4 years. Felt perfect at the time, and happily married for over 20 years. Also, we waited seven years to have kids too! We really like each other and we were happy with our lives without kids.

[Anonymous]

If you were my daughter I would support you wanting to wait until 30, it’s perfectly reasonable!

If I were you I would probably get some fertility blood work done to rule out any issues like low ovarian reserve just in case.

I would also start tracking ovulation if you aren’t already so that you can confirm you are ovulating regularly.

I would do the above because I am risk averse because 30 is not very late to start TTC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30 is a good age. Your kids will be out of the house by early 50s, which is a great time.

We had kids in late 30s/early 40s and won’t be empty nesters until 60. Pretty late, imho. Regret not having them earlier

Same.

I had my first at 32 and my last at 38. I encourage my kids to be DONE by 35!! That means start earlier if they want more than one. Sometimes nature has a round about way of giving you kids and it takes time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

The upper class. They are the only ones who can afford to raise them they way they want at that age. It's UMC/MC that wait. The longer you wait the more MC/LMC you are..... I see you first time parents at 40....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

Lower middle class folks

Nah, go to a fancy private school. The parents have their first around 25 or around 40, not many in their 30s..... but those are mostly UC/UMC folks. Maybe LMC also have them young but live in the burbs - I would know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

The upper class. They are the only ones who can afford to raise them they way they want at that age. It's UMC/MC that wait. The longer you wait the more MC/LMC you are..... I see you first time parents at 40....

This

[Anonymous]

You don’t know how your fertility is OP. I had my first at 27 and just had my third child at 36. It’s so much harder on your body in your 30s. Each pregnancy I was lucky to conceive right away but not everyone is like this. You could also end up with a c section for the first and need to wait longer to have another child. I really liked spacing my kids out as my body needs this to recover and it’s nice to have one on one time with the baby for several years.

[Anonymous]

Married at 29, started trying at 30, but didn’t have first until 35 thanks to infertility. Get checked before you decide anything.