Waiting 30+ to have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

Oopsie baby takes you out of the running as anyone to take advice from.

We loved dealing with infants as actual adults, not teenagers.

So, because I was 19, I couldn't love/deal with my child? That's one of the most idiotic comments I've ever gotten. I'm sure it was really bad for him as a baby/child having a mom stay at home with him and provide him with everything he wanted and needed. Poor kid. Should've waited 20 years to have him so he could have the exact same life and 20 less years with his mother.

Having been born to an uneducated 20 year own, I know your type.

That PP isn’t uneducated, did you read her post?

I sure did -- did you?

She's magically rich in her early 20s, she spends 50 grand on her kids' activities, and she wants them to breed early so she can be a young grandmother.

Yeah, there's nothing off about that story.

Then you read the word masters degree. Sounds like you have issues from your own mom that have nothing to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

Oopsie baby takes you out of the running as anyone to take advice from.

We loved dealing with infants as actual adults, not teenagers.

Oh come on. Accidental pregnancies are extremely common (36 out of 1000 women in 2019 alone had one!).

What point do you think this makes? All but one of the women I know who got unexpectedly pregnant were not being very careful with their birth control. Two took other meds that conflicted with BCP, one skipped take her pils a couple mornings, one was told by her boyfriend he was not fertile, one got pregnant the only time they skipped the condom. All of them had abortions and had kids a decade later, when they were ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.

Agree: kids are expensive and a huge change for your life in every way imaginable. Also, a condo would not be ideal for a family. I wouldn’t have kids until there was a way out of the condo soon after first child, at the latest. With that said, I would definitely try to be done having kids before 35

It's insane to me that people think a condo wouldn't work for a family. You people do not live in reality.

I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my 2 kids and we are just fine. We have a pool, playground, basketball/tennis courts, and there's tons of kids here. We just went outside with some bubbles and Nerf guns and other kids and parents came out and propped their chair next to mine (sunny day in California today). It's a nice way to be a part of a community.

A house is absolutely not needed to raise kids.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the posts but nobody is in your marriage / family except for you and your husband.

We met in college, married at 29 (me) and 27 (him), and originally planned to wait until he finished his PhD. It then was taking longer than we thought so we started trying around 31 (me) and ended up having our first child shortly before I turned 33. We lived in a 580 sq foot condo in DC and - while not ideal - it worked. We actually didn’t know what the future would hold after the PhD and post docs so we stayed there until just before her 3rd bday.

[Anonymous]

30 is fine but get tested now to make sure you will be ok waiting.

[Anonymous]

Married at 28, babies at 31, 35, and 37. My parents were almost the same ages when they had me and my siblings so I don’t know any different. Wait until you’re ready.

[Anonymous]

Of course it’s not insane. A couple things you might consider, though:

1. That both of you are 100% committed to this and that one party won’t keep putting it off.

2. That you have a reasonable expectation of fertility at 30+. You probably do and 30 is not old but a full fertility work-up could be a good idea. Fertility is weird and most of the time it isn’t an issue but I’ve seen the heartbreak my friends have dealt with after putting off kids.

I had my first at 29 (so not really any different than 30) and my 3rd at 33. I don’t feel like starting around this time was crazy or too old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

Lower middle class folks

Nah, go to a fancy private school. The parents have their first around 25 or around 40, not many in their 30s..... but those are mostly UC/UMC folks. Maybe LMC also have them young but live in the burbs - I would know.

Lies and cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

Oopsie baby takes you out of the running as anyone to take advice from.

We loved dealing with infants as actual adults, not teenagers.

Oh come on. Accidental pregnancies are extremely common (36 out of 1000 women in 2019 alone had one!).

What point do you think this makes? All but one of the women I know who got unexpectedly pregnant were not being very careful with their birth control. Two took other meds that conflicted with BCP, one skipped take her pils a couple mornings, one was told by her boyfriend he was not fertile, one got pregnant the only time they skipped the condom. All of them had abortions and had kids a decade later, when they were ready.

I know many people with surprise babies on the pill or an iud: I was off the pill for less than 36 hours. Ex H coerced me. I took the pill religiously for 13 years: no way in heck I thought one time in my 30s and only off it for about 30 hours would result in a pregnancy. Friend is a midwife: she got pregnant on the pill twice/ she got her tubes tied. Someone else had an IUD move. Birth control on average works 90 percent of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We married at 26/27 after 1 year of dating and 1 year of engagement.

We had our child when I was 40.

We had a 12 year honeymoon of international travel, parties, fine dining, devoting ourselves in our dream careers. We also bought a house and established ourselves financially.

My DH also was able to do an ivy league fellowship fir a graduate degree.

We had some help with fertility but I ended up conceiving naturally.

Our timeline worked great for us.

Friends who had kids young divorced. Someone told me to put it off, because once you have kids, it's 20 years of sacrificing your own goals.

I had had a rough childhood and wanted love, fun, pleasure and travel. So waiting worked for us.

As I get older, I realize a big reason for this is that a 50 year old whose kids have launched has more options than a 50 year old with young children.

True. My kids said I waited to long to marry because if I had, I would be an empty nester now and could start over and find someone else. Instead I am 47 with my youngest in 4th grade. Dad is 51. One time sex in years was that kid: not planned. It would be much easier to be divorced now if my kids were in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

I never got this logic. Plenty of 40 or 35 year olds are traveling the world as well, but free and unencumbered. You still have a 13 year old- are you telling me youre just dumping them at home and off partying? If so, you're a bad mom and another example of why most people dont want to have children while theyre still a stunted and immature adolescent. And plenty of the people who are 35 or 40 and still travelling around Bali/living some wild life will still be able to have kids when they do decide to do it. I've always felt the "it's so much better to be a young mom" talking points just sound utterly delusional... any parent worth their salt and halfway decent is still checking in regularly with their THIRTEEN YEAR OLD and spending plenty of time at home so the kids have a solid foundation. You may be slightly more free than someone with, say, a newborn and a toddler, but not by much...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:anything older than 30 is a major risk for both defects and infertility for the woman, start trying now

Untrue. Try over 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

Oh, also I'm not gonna be 70 before I get a grandchild so I'll also be able to enjoy my grandkids when I'm young. I am encouraging my kids to have them sooner rather than later as well, and I'll be able to help them with whatever they need to be able to do that.

Good for you. I am a PP. I am not at all interested in being a grandparent. Don’t care if it is 65, 70 or never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

Yeah. Does having kids early freeze your development or something? This poster sounds genuinely 12 years old.

Oopsie baby takes you out of the running as anyone to take advice from.

We loved dealing with infants as actual adults, not teenagers.

So, because I was 19, I couldn't love/deal with my child? That's one of the most idiotic comments I've ever gotten. I'm sure it was really bad for him as a baby/child having a mom stay at home with him and provide him with everything he wanted and needed. Poor kid. Should've waited 20 years to have him so he could have the exact same life and 20 less years with his mother.

You still sound like you are 19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

Oopsie baby takes you out of the running as anyone to take advice from.

We loved dealing with infants as actual adults, not teenagers.

So, because I was 19, I couldn't love/deal with my child? That's one of the most idiotic comments I've ever gotten. I'm sure it was really bad for him as a baby/child having a mom stay at home with him and provide him with everything he wanted and needed. Poor kid. Should've waited 20 years to have him so he could have the exact same life and 20 less years with his mother.

You still sound like you are 19.

Yeah. Does having kids early freeze your development or something? This poster sounds genuinely 12 years old.