Waiting 30+ to have kids

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 27 and 29 ave loved that timeline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ( 27) and my husband ( 28) have been together for 5 years - married for 1 year. We have good jobs, own a condo, no debt, etc., but we are not ready for kids. I would like to wait until 30 but everyone we know keeps pushing us to have kids right away. Is it really insane of us to want to wait until 30 for kids?

Absolutely wait. I want to talk about why you were together 4 years before marrying.

Was it a long engagement? Was that your choice or was DH holding things slow? Is he excited for kids?

Also a condo is terrible home for family, the fees on older condos go insane and renters take over. It used to be a decent investment if you could buy it VERY cheap compared to rents but that hasn’t been the case since the 2000s, except in NYC maybe

- We dated for three years and then a 1 year engagement. We both chose a 1 year engagement.

- He’s excited but definitely not ready yet.

- A condo works for us. We have a 3bd 2ba 1800sqft condo. Lots of space, close to many amenities, and close to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on your health and fertility, OP. I had my last viable pregnancy at 30. I had multiple losses after 30 and recently discovered they were due to a blood clotting disorder, that apparently I did not have before (?). Fertility plummets after 35, and all kinds of other problems crop up (like mine), so just be aware of that.

But I agree that if you do not want kids now, please do not have kids! Children need and deserve 100% of your commitment. If in doubt, then it's no.

My fertility is fine as far as I know. All my blood work and gyno checkups look good. I’m on a non-hormonal IUD so no waiting time once it’s taken out.

I’m healthy and fit. We eat well, workout, and we are pretty active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.

We are financially ready for kids but not mentally there. We want to spend 1-2 years of marriage enjoying each other and traveling. Most our relationship has been through the pandemic and really honing in on our carers, so we didn’t do as much of that as we had wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.

Agree: kids are expensive and a huge change for your life in every way imaginable. Also, a condo would not be ideal for a family. I wouldn’t have kids until there was a way out of the condo soon after first child, at the latest. With that said, I would definitely try to be done having kids before 35

What’s so wrong with a condo? Many people raise kids in a condo where we live ( Chicago).

My hope is to start trying at 29/30 and have 2-3 by 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ( 27) and my husband ( 28) have been together for 5 years - married for 1 year. We have good jobs, own a condo, no debt, etc., but we are not ready for kids. I would like to wait until 30 but everyone we know keeps pushing us to have kids right away. Is it really insane of us to want to wait until 30 for kids?

Absolutely wait. I want to talk about why you were together 4 years before marrying.

Was it a long engagement? Was that your choice or was DH holding things slow? Is he excited for kids?

Also a condo is terrible home for family, the fees on older condos go insane and renters take over. It used to be a decent investment if you could buy it VERY cheap compared to rents but that hasn’t been the case since the 2000s, except in NYC maybe

Not op, but I’m guessing it had something to do with the fact that she was 22 when she met him? Like, a practical baby. I met DH at 22 and we were doubled down on each other right away, but it would have been totally bizarre in our circle to have married with a year or two. We got married after 4 years. Felt perfect at the time, and happily married for over 20 years. Also, we waited seven years to have kids too! We really like each other and we were happy with our lives without kids.

We were together for 3 years and engaged for 1 year before being married. We met in summer 2019 and then the pandemic hit. That slowed down a lot for us. We got married in 2023. 2021/2022 were still pretty murky when it came to the pandemic and having a wedding. As a healthcare worker, I wasn’t about to have a large event during a pandemic.

I met my husband when I was 22 and married at 26. He’s a year older than me. I don’t think a 3 year relationship is that long before getting engaged at our ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

+1

I am 47. I don’t know anyone who had kids before 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.

Agree: kids are expensive and a huge change for your life in every way imaginable. Also, a condo would not be ideal for a family. I wouldn’t have kids until there was a way out of the condo soon after first child, at the latest. With that said, I would definitely try to be done having kids before 35

Why? I had a whoops baby at 37 from one time sex in years (yes, I was married) the whole fertility cliff at 35 is a myth: there are hundreds of articles about it

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 30 and my second at 35. Do whatever works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 27 and 29 ave loved that timeline

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

Lower middle class folks

Nah, go to a fancy private school. The parents have their first around 25 or around 40, not many in their 30s..... but those are mostly UC/UMC folks. Maybe LMC also have them young but live in the burbs - I would know.

My twins go to private school and I had them at 34. I am the exact same age (graduated from college the same year) as the majority of their friend's moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on your health and fertility, OP. I had my last viable pregnancy at 30. I had multiple losses after 30 and recently discovered they were due to a blood clotting disorder, that apparently I did not have before (?). Fertility plummets after 35, and all kinds of other problems crop up (like mine), so just be aware of that.

But I agree that if you do not want kids now, please do not have kids! Children need and deserve 100% of your commitment. If in doubt, then it's no.

My fertility is fine as far as I know. All my blood work and gyno checkups look good. I’m on a non-hormonal IUD so no waiting time once it’s taken out.

I’m healthy and fit. We eat well, workout, and we are pretty active.

I went off hormonal birth control and got pregnant two weeks later. The "waiting period" isn't always a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who has kids before 30 these days?

+1

I am 47. I don’t know anyone who had kids before 30.

I know one person from college who did. Then they had to wait 9 years to have their second because 2008 hit and the husband lost his job and they got hit hard. Their second kid is the same age as our twins but their first is a lot older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.

Agree: kids are expensive and a huge change for your life in every way imaginable. Also, a condo would not be ideal for a family. I wouldn’t have kids until there was a way out of the condo soon after first child, at the latest. With that said, I would definitely try to be done having kids before 35

What’s so wrong with a condo? Many people raise kids in a condo where we live ( Chicago).

My hope is to start trying at 29/30 and have 2-3 by 35.

Yes in NYC, maybe Chicago and San Francisco you will find condos with families.

In DMV they all leave by the time the kid is walking more or less. They want space for a kid to play, and schools are better in suburbs, and then of course there are no kids in neighborhood because they all left.

Condo is fine for a baby but it’s a ticking clock and moving with young kids is a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

We had ours at 27 and 31. Timing worked out great for us but we had involved grandparents who were willing to watch our first for weekends so we could get away for friends weddings, etc.