Waiting 30+ to have kids

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 35 and 39 without issue, but do wish I had them a smidge earlier.

[Anonymous]

We got married at 26 and waited five+ years to have a baby and then we had two more within four years. Those five years allowed us to concentrate on our careers and our relationship plus travel and have a lot of fun. We were able to save money and be fully ready for parenting though you are never fully ready! For us, the timing was perfect. We were in our mid 50s when our youngest left for college. We also felt pressure from family but we never worried about it as it was our lives and not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Who’s pushing you to have kids? That’s so inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not insane. If you aren’t ready, then you aren’t ready. I had my first at 28 but 1) I wanted three, not 2 and 2) I wanted them before I turned 35. No regrets, but I’m not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ( 27) and my husband ( 28) have been together for 5 years - married for 1 year. We have good jobs, own a condo, no debt, etc., but we are not ready for kids. I would like to wait until 30 but everyone we know keeps pushing us to have kids right away. Is it really insane of us to want to wait until 30 for kids?

Absolutely wait. I want to talk about why you were together 4 years before marrying.

Was it a long engagement? Was that your choice or was DH holding things slow? Is he excited for kids?

Also a condo is terrible home for family, the fees on older condos go insane and renters take over. It used to be a decent investment if you could buy it VERY cheap compared to rents but that hasn’t been the case since the 2000s, except in NYC maybe

[Anonymous]

I met my husband at 20 and married at 24, but we waited until were 31 to have our first kid. A lot of it had to do with careers and timing, my husband worked while doing his PhD and defended when I was 6 months pregnant.

You also have no idea what your fertility is going to be like, I got pregnant the first month I went off birth control at 31, my friend started trying at 27 and didn't give birth until 4 years later after IVF. So you can't count either on it happening right away but also on it not happening right away either.

Ultimately you have to do what's best for you. It's not up to other people, it's up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many do you want?

Maybe 2. No more than 3. 30 isn’t hard set, but we are just not ready. I would like to wait at least 2 more years before trying.

IMO you won't feel physically different being pregnant at 27/28 or 29/30 - and that may be true until your mid-30's. I think it's harder after your mid-30's.

I'd try before you feel fully ready and if you aren't pregnant in 6 months insist on checking your levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who’s pushing you to have kids? That’s so inappropriate.

This. My mom made initially some noises but I made it very clear I didn't want to discuss it and she left it alone. I'll only discuss this stuff with my husband or OBGYN.

[Anonymous]

Mom probably wants to save you from infertility's physical, mental, financial and marital struggles.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on your health and fertility, OP. I had my last viable pregnancy at 30. I had multiple losses after 30 and recently discovered they were due to a blood clotting disorder, that apparently I did not have before (?). Fertility plummets after 35, and all kinds of other problems crop up (like mine), so just be aware of that.

But I agree that if you do not want kids now, please do not have kids! Children need and deserve 100% of your commitment. If in doubt, then it's no.

[Anonymous]

I'm from Ghana and my sister is 32 and doesn't have kids and not even sure if she wants kids. If you know anything about the African culture that's just unheard off. Many of her friends are unmarried as well and those married are having kids much later definitely not in their early 30s.

I think first child post 35 and only 1 or at most 2 kids will be the norm worldwide. And I think some countries just as Japan, Germany and perhaps the United States are already in this scenario. If I am not mistaken (too lazy to look up the day) the the total fertility rate in the United States of you excuse migrants is less than 2 children per women. The age at first marriage and the age when women have their first kid is definitely up as well.

Nothing wrong at all. Evolutionary biology isn't supposed to be straight line. Societies go through changes.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 26 and we waited till we were 32 to start trying. No issues. Had two kids.

[Anonymous]

Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom probably wants to save you from infertility's physical, mental, financial and marital struggles.

financial struggles usually happen when you have children before you are financially ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it now. You’ll be fine. More likely to regret having them later than now.

I disagree. Having children is expensive and hard. If you have them before you are financially or mentally ready, you are in for a world of hurt.