no, husband, i'm not being a "control freak" for wanting you to have a passport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, I am on your husband's side on this. I have travelled more than my husband, but we have taken a few great trips (Asia, various parts of Europe) together. We now have 2 kids and do not have plans for international travel, but his obsessive worry about passports expiring and having passports drives me insane. I am a busy person with work, stuff for the kids, etc. and this is just not my priority. I will do it when I can.

I get it why you'd be annoyed. Honestly, my husband and I are not that busy. We aren't looking high and low for 15 minutes where we can relax in peace. This really, truly isn't a time issue here - it's just that I care about this, and he does not.

And I think that PPs are right that I care about this partly because I would like us to be able to take trips, and partly because I just think that adults should have passports. You don't know what's going to happen. Being able to leave is important.

But luckily he just told me that he found his old passport, and is filling out the paperwork now.

Honestly, he and I both have our things where we care very much about it being one way or another. Over 7 years together, we have mostly learned to compromise, and give the other person what they need even if we don't see why they need it. Getting to that compromise can sometimes be frustrating.

[Anonymous]

I just renewed my passport and it is ridiculously easy for a simple renewal, even of an expired passport. Get a picture at CVS, fill out the form, write a check for $110 and throw the whole thing in the mail. 5 weeks later my new passport arrived.

[Anonymous]

You are being a control freak.

fill out the form, have him sign it, send it in.

[Anonymous]

My passport expired in 2013. The last time I traveled out of the country was 2008. I have no plans to renew any time soon, and if my husband forced me to without a concrete reason, I would consider him to have mental problems. If he came to me and said, "Hey I have $5000 to blow, let's plan a European vacation," then I'd start thinking about what I have to do to renew my passport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just renewed my passport and it is ridiculously easy for a simple renewal, even of an expired passport. Get a picture at CVS, fill out the form, write a check for $110 and throw the whole thing in the mail. 5 weeks later my new passport arrived.

OP here - glad to hear it was that easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My passport expired in 2013. The last time I traveled out of the country was 2008. I have no plans to renew any time soon, and if my husband forced me to without a concrete reason, I would consider him to have mental problems. If he came to me and said, "Hey I have $5000 to blow, let's plan a European vacation," then I'd start thinking about what I have to do to renew my passport.

That's fine. We're not married to each other, so you don't need to make me feel better by having a valid passport - and hopefully your husband doesn't care that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

LOL, if this is OP, now you are trying to micromanage everyone on DCUM's passport renewals!? My dear, you don't need to know downsides and upsides for every hypothetical situation encountered by every poster who reads this thread. You are in the wrong here. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I haven't allowed my passport to expire since I first got one -- I've had to have new pages sewn in at consulates overseas I travel so much (with my DH, who is more into travel than me). I'd never try to force DH or another adult to renew his passport without having an international trip planned. That reeks of controlling behavior to me. Your DH isn't going to be up for a last-minute jaunt to Europe no matter if you find great airfares at the last minute or not -- that is NOT THE TYPE OF MAN YOU MARRIED. You are trying to change your DH's and your life through this one facet, thinking having a passport in-hand will mean exciting travel for you. It won't -- you need to communicate with your DH, plan for the travel you are craving, and then make the passport (and other necessary prep) happen.

And yeah, just renewed DD's passport and had it expedited -- it took 1.5 weeks door-to-door, and that was with the standard USPS expedite (not going to the passport authority). You're really off base on this one, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

LOL, if this is OP, now you are trying to micromanage everyone on DCUM's passport renewals!? My dear, you don't need to know downsides and upsides for every hypothetical situation encountered by every poster who reads this thread. You are in the wrong here. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I haven't allowed my passport to expire since I first got one -- I've had to have new pages sewn in at consulates overseas I travel so much (with my DH, who is more into travel than me). I'd never try to force DH or another adult to renew his passport without having an international trip planned. That reeks of controlling behavior to me. Your DH isn't going to be up for a last-minute jaunt to Europe no matter if you find great airfares at the last minute or not -- that is NOT THE TYPE OF MAN YOU MARRIED. You are trying to change your DH's and your life through this one facet, thinking having a passport in-hand will mean exciting travel for you. It won't -- you need to communicate with your DH, plan for the travel you are craving, and then make the passport (and other necessary prep) happen.

And yeah, just renewed DD's passport and had it expedited -- it took 1.5 weeks door-to-door, and that was with the standard USPS expedite (not going to the passport authority). You're really off base on this one, OP.

I'm really not trying to micromanage anyone. I don't care if anyone else has a passport. I'm just asking why you wouldn't have one. It seems like a pretty inexpensive, potentially extremely useful tool to have.

I guess the lesson here is that a whole lot of people on DCUM don't feel like having a valid passport is important. I appreciate that my feelings may not be the norm. I don't think that makes me unreasonable. (And, really, I cannot emphasize enough: the husband and I each have our particularities. We are both pretty good at accommodating them in each other. This isn't some nutty one-sided marriage where a henpecked husband is forced to compromise on everything, while his shrewish wife is just sitting around being a nag. Though I know it's fun to imagine it that way.)

[Anonymous]

OP, when was the last time your DH used his passport?

[Anonymous]

First, as others have said, yes, you ARE being a control freak making him do something for which there is no need.

As for the need, you need a passport for international travel. You do not need it on a day-to-day basis, except on the occasional need for an additional form of identification and in those instances, there are almost always other alternatives that are available.

As for renewing, when the passport office is not busy, it takes 4-5 weeks. It only takes 6-8 weeks when they are busy. You do not need your passport to book travel or take advantage of great travel deals. You only need it when you actually travel. The only thing that his reluctance to do it immediately hampers is your ability to take advantage of great travel deals that must be used in the next 3 weeks. And if you wanted that, you can do an expedited renewal which takes 1-2 weeks to process. I'm not sure why you are so reluctant to book travel without him having his passport, but that's your odd reluctance. This is no different from his reluctance to renew his passport when he doesn't need to.

And I agree with others that it's $110 that you don't need to spend unless have travel planned. The passports expire in 10 years. If you aren't going to use it for the first 8 years, why have it? Why not renew it when you need it and then it will be good for 10 years after that.

As has been pointed out, the psychological warfare between you two is more of a concern than the actual passport. You need to figure out why you are making this such a major problem between you. You admit that he doesn't need it, expect to appease your sense of wanderlust, not even to actually travel and yet you are making him do something he doesn't want to do. Figure out why you need to make him compromise and bend his will to yours when there is no actual need before you make this a hill to die on. Because although it doesn't seem like a big issue to you, in the future, this will come back to bite you. If this is the only time that you make him compromise unnecessarily, then you'll probably be okay, but if you have multiple issues that you make him kowtow to you, then no matter how small they are, they will add up and cumulatively may destroy your marriage where one or two will not. So, pick carefully those issues that you make him bow to your will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, as others have said, yes, you ARE being a control freak making him do something for which there is no need.

As for the need, you need a passport for international travel. You do not need it on a day-to-day basis, except on the occasional need for an additional form of identification and in those instances, there are almost always other alternatives that are available.

As for renewing, when the passport office is not busy, it takes 4-5 weeks. It only takes 6-8 weeks when they are busy. You do not need your passport to book travel or take advantage of great travel deals. You only need it when you actually travel. The only thing that his reluctance to do it immediately hampers is your ability to take advantage of great travel deals that must be used in the next 3 weeks. And if you wanted that, you can do an expedited renewal which takes 1-2 weeks to process. I'm not sure why you are so reluctant to book travel without him having his passport, but that's your odd reluctance. This is no different from his reluctance to renew his passport when he doesn't need to.

And I agree with others that it's $110 that you don't need to spend unless have travel planned. The passports expire in 10 years. If you aren't going to use it for the first 8 years, why have it? Why not renew it when you need it and then it will be good for 10 years after that.

As has been pointed out, the psychological warfare between you two is more of a concern than the actual passport. You need to figure out why you are making this such a major problem between you. You admit that he doesn't need it, expect to appease your sense of wanderlust, not even to actually travel and yet you are making him do something he doesn't want to do. Figure out why you need to make him compromise and bend his will to yours when there is no actual need before you make this a hill to die on. Because although it doesn't seem like a big issue to you, in the future, this will come back to bite you. If this is the only time that you make him compromise unnecessarily, then you'll probably be okay, but if you have multiple issues that you make him kowtow to you, then no matter how small they are, they will add up and cumulatively may destroy your marriage where one or two will not. So, pick carefully those issues that you make him bow to your will.

This is not such a major problem between us two. This is something I am really annoyed about today, after talking about it for a year. He has already agreed to have his passport renewed; he just hasn't done it. In a year.

It's annoying. I am venting. Somehow, we will make it through. Hopefully, with passports - that we will then use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I am pretty sure my passport is expired, OP, and my mother lives overseas. It's not that there's a downside to having a valid passport, it's that it's not a pressing need - and I have plenty of actual pressing needs to take care of first.

[Anonymous]

My sympathies, OP.

My husband usually keeps up with passport requirements since we are foreigners and our families live overseas. However he lets other critical stuff slide, like carbon monoxide detectors (!!!), or bike helmet replacements, or replacing rotting siding.

He has ADHD. I have to keep on top of this stuff or nag him to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I am pretty sure my passport is expired, OP, and my mother lives overseas. It's not that there's a downside to having a valid passport, it's that it's not a pressing need - and I have plenty of actual pressing needs to take care of first.

11:31 here. What if she has a health emergency? My BIL died suddenly overseas, and DH's new passport had not yet been delievered (as I wrote, he is usually on top of passports requirements). It was a nightmare weekend while we tried to get an emergency passport made so that we could make it to the funeral. Don't do that to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My sympathies, OP.

My husband usually keeps up with passport requirements since we are foreigners and our families live overseas. However he lets other critical stuff slide, like carbon monoxide detectors (!!!), or bike helmet replacements, or replacing rotting siding.

He has ADHD. I have to keep on top of this stuff or nag him to do it.

OP, does your DH let this stuff go? Yesterday was daylight savings -did he check smoke and CO detectors? If he didn't and you care less about those, then this is all about your disappointment in him for not loving what you love.