no, husband, i'm not being a "control freak" for wanting you to have a passport

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. I used to live overseas and travel everywhere and my husband is a lot like yours: he SAYS he will travel, but he never makes any effort towards that goal. It makes me feel lonely and like I am the one who has to do all the compromising. Maybe your pissed b/c not having a passport means you're not traveling, or you've given up one of your dreams for him and he isn't doing the same?

[Anonymous]

If you haven't traveled overseas in the seven years you've been together, I can see why he doesn't see this as a priority. Plan a trip and he'll have some motivation to do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

got better things to do than filling out unnecessary paper work and standing in unnecessary lines.

i just filled out my renewal form. it took 5 minutes. there are no lines. we just mail them off. which i offered to do.

it just doesn't seem to me worth putting up that much of a fight over that little exertion.

Exactly. It isn't worth it. If you have a trip planned, it will take him 5 minutes at that point to fill out the renewal form. So let it go. It's not a big deal. You just said it.

5 minutes to fill out - then some number of months for the renewed passport to come back to you. It's not that fast a process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a good idea to have a passport as an additional form of ID, at any rate. But this sounds like more than just a passport. You see the passport as symbolic of your love of travel. He might also see it the same way, and that's why he's resisting. I also have more of a travel itch than my husband, and I got tired of trying to push him. So I started booking trips with my girlfriends and with our kid. Life is too short to miss out on the things I want to do because he's not interested.

OP here - and I think that's exactly right. Plus good advice. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I used to work with someone who did not have a bank account. It drove me nuts that she didn't maintain one but she didn't see the point. She would cash her paychecks at a convenience store and keep her money in cash. For me, a bank account is a required device used by adults even though plenty of people don't have one.

The way you feel about passports is the way I feel about bank accounts. For you, a passport is a required item that you must have in your possession. Most people don't have passports and don't see the need to maintain one. It's something you get when you plan a trip outside the US. It's not something you need at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

got better things to do than filling out unnecessary paper work and standing in unnecessary lines.

i just filled out my renewal form. it took 5 minutes. there are no lines. we just mail them off. which i offered to do.

it just doesn't seem to me worth putting up that much of a fight over that little exertion.

Why don't you just fill out the form for him? I did this for my husband AND child.

I did, too. I do everything like this because my handwriting is a LOT better.

We had expired passports for a couple of years because we both lean toward the procrastinating side and we have a son with ASD and extreme ADHD which make it difficult to go anywhere. My husband finally got off his duff and renewed his when he had business that was threatening to take him to China and he tends to have to travel on very short notice. Then all of his family planned a cruise to the Bahamas which got us all on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

What would be the upside of having one and going to the post office and taking time out of your day if you are not going anywhere? What is the upside of trying to force someone to do something that they do not want to do just because you want it?

The downside is that he is a grown man being forced to take time out of his day to do something that is meaningless to him.. If he doesn't use the passport for ten years then he just renewed the passport for no reason and only will need to be renewed again. It's just sitting there with all this effort put into acquiring it just for the sake of acquiring it. It makes no sense for you to care so much.

This has to be about a larger issue- him not helping out, him lacking motivation in life or something for you to even care so much. Let it go.

Honestly, it's not about any of these larger issues. "Helping out" isn't an issue with us - we both pull our own weight. He has plenty of motivation. He's great.

And stubborn.

And so sometimes he just puts up a fight about something because he wants to put up a fight. And then we have a fight. And it's frustrating.

This is just one of those things.

There's no problem with a "grown man" having to take time from his busy day (that is bizarrely sexist imagery there). Mostly because I offered to go to the post office with the forms so that he doesn't have to do it, because I care about this and he doesn't - I thought I could make this as friction-free as possible by doing it all myself.

I realize that for many of you guys, having a passport or not seems like a purely practical issue. Do you have a specific trip for which you need this specific tool. Of course, it's partly that for me - I don't want to not be able to take advantage of an airfare deal because we don't have valid travel documents. It's obviously more than that to me, as well.

How? I would say the same thing about you. Why would you be forcing a grown woman to do something she doesn't want to do? You are being ridiculous and bizarrely angry about a non issue. It's like you want to fight with your husband about this so you are spinning in circles trying to make this an issue.

You can take a trip , book the damn thing because of a fare deal and get the passport. I booked a trip to China and had an expired passport and I just went and got it renewed. I have travelled all over the place and this has never been an issue. You are creating a problem for no reason with all these scenarios that actually would not be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

got better things to do than filling out unnecessary paper work and standing in unnecessary lines.

i just filled out my renewal form. it took 5 minutes. there are no lines. we just mail them off. which i offered to do.

it just doesn't seem to me worth putting up that much of a fight over that little exertion.

Exactly. It isn't worth it. If you have a trip planned, it will take him 5 minutes at that point to fill out the renewal form. So let it go. It's not a big deal. You just said it.

5 minutes to fill out - then some number of months for the renewed passport to come back to you. It's not that fast a process.

It does not take months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop making this a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

got better things to do than filling out unnecessary paper work and standing in unnecessary lines.

i just filled out my renewal form. it took 5 minutes. there are no lines. we just mail them off. which i offered to do.

it just doesn't seem to me worth putting up that much of a fight over that little exertion.

Exactly. It isn't worth it. If you have a trip planned, it will take him 5 minutes at that point to fill out the renewal form. So let it go. It's not a big deal. You just said it.

5 minutes to fill out - then some number of months for the renewed passport to come back to you. It's not that fast a process.

It's not 'some months'. It's like, weeks. Only a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

OP, it just gets annoying as shit. We have an appointment tomorrow, and DH is stressing about me being able to find the place. OMG, I know the area way better than him, because I work here every day of the week. Yes, I google mapped it. Today. Early in the morning. Otherwise, he'd be throwing a fit just like you're doing now. Just let grown-ups be grown-ups. It took DH months and months to get things rolling on this, but now all of a sudden it's all asap. Annoying. Step back. Your husband will get a passport when you need it. And I know how to get to a place 20 minutes away from my work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. I used to live overseas and travel everywhere and my husband is a lot like yours: he SAYS he will travel, but he never makes any effort towards that goal. It makes me feel lonely and like I am the one who has to do all the compromising. Maybe your pissed b/c not having a passport means you're not traveling, or you've given up one of your dreams for him and he isn't doing the same?

Plan a trip, If he doesn't want to go then just go. People don't want to miss out on fun so more than likely he would go. Why would you put your life on pause for someone like that when you don't need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
thanks for calling me a controlling bitch, all you pps. very nice. hope you have wonderful days, too.

Hey, you're the one who came here demanding validation of your feelings -- which is more proof you are a crazy controlling bitch -- and if you don't get it, too bad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And stubborn.

And so sometimes he just puts up a fight about something because he wants to put up a fight. And then we have a fight. And it's frustrating.

YOU are the one who is stubbornly determined to pick a fight here.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, I am on your husband's side on this. I have travelled more than my husband, but we have taken a few great trips (Asia, various parts of Europe) together. We now have 2 kids and do not have plans for international travel, but his obsessive worry about passports expiring and having passports drives me insane. I am a busy person with work, stuff for the kids, etc. and this is just not my priority. I will do it when I can.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are being a control freak on this issue. By your own statements he sounds like a great guy who doesn't see the need to get a passport until you have a trip planned. That's not an unreasonable position. Your nagging him, an adult, over something so silly is unreasonable.

And at the end of the day your issue isn't the passport, your issue is that you want to travel internationally and he seems uninterested. Address your desire to travel internationally instead of using his passport renewal as a surragate for the real issue.

Signed: I had 180k of international travel last year and my DH didn't have a passport and all was well. We scheduled an international vacation for this spring and he went and got his passport. It arrived in plenty of time without a problem.