no, husband, i'm not being a "control freak" for wanting you to have a passport

[Anonymous]

this is just a vent, no advice needed: my husband's passport has been expired for a year. i've been asking him, for a year, to get it renewed.

this weekend, i finally dragged him to cvs to get his passport photos taken. today, i asked him to please fill out the passport renewal form so that i could bring it to the post office and send it off. so that we have passports. his response is that i am being a "control freak" and why can't he do this on his own timeline.

because that means that it WILL NEVER HAPPEN is why.

just, background: i spent most of my 20s and 30s living overseas. husband has been overseas basically once, when his parents took him to europe. he almost lived in canada once with an ex but that fell through. obviously, travel and being able to travel is clearly more important to me - and it's something we haven't done at all in the 7 years we've been together. we've traveled a lot in the US, never overseas - except to canada, once.

so, yes, this is extremely frustrating to me. it's frustrating that my husband doesn't have the same wanderlust - but i made peace with that, before i married him. but refusing to get his passport renewed - and making out as if i am the bad guy, as if i am unreasonable, for wanting him to do it - just makes me feel so sad and frustrated.

no, we're not getting a divorce. yes, he has other redeeming qualities. i don't need advice. just annoyed AF.

[Anonymous]

Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

[Anonymous]

There is no reason for him to get a passport right this second unless you have a trip plan. If you do have a trip planned, let him deal with the stress of a panicked run to the post office or passport office on 19th. I get why this annoys you but you are introducing stress into your marriage for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Are you planning a trip? Why are you pushing this? Not sure I'm getting your motivation. Most people do this when they need it.

[Anonymous]

I am a control freak and your annoyance is beyond me. There is no urgency here. Please relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

well good thing we're not married.

i cannot imagine why someone would willingly choose not to have a passport, unless they didn't have the $110 it costs to renew. what possible reason could there be for not just taking care of it - especially if it was a priority for your spouse.

[Anonymous]

He is an adult. He is capable of deciding for himself whether or not he should have a passport. Calm the fuck down, you crazy controlling bitch.

[Anonymous]

so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

well good thing we're not married.

i cannot imagine why someone would willingly choose not to have a passport, unless they didn't have the $110 it costs to renew. what possible reason could there be for not just taking care of it - especially if it was a priority for your spouse.

because he has his own priorities! You want him to stop doing something he finds valuable (even if it's just weekend relaxing) to go make time to do something unimportant for no real reason. And be nagged about it also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

well good thing we're not married.

i cannot imagine why someone would willingly choose not to have a passport, unless they didn't have the $110 it costs to renew. what possible reason could there be for not just taking care of it - especially if it was a priority for your spouse.

Many people do not feel that it is necessary if they are not planning to travel internationally in the near future. Your husband is clearly one of those people, but you said yourself that international travel isn't something that you have done together in your marriage. You have either made peace with his non-interest in international travel or you haven't. If you have, you can just let this go. If you haven't, then maybe try talking to him about it like an adult, come up with somewhere fun that you can go together abroad, and have the passport conversation in that context.

Either way, your annoyance about his symbolic refusal to renew his passport is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

well good thing we're not married.

i cannot imagine why someone would willingly choose not to have a passport, unless they didn't have the $110 it costs to renew. what possible reason could there be for not just taking care of it - especially if it was a priority for your spouse.

Likely because they have no desire to travel outside of the U.S.

Plan a trip, then he will need one.

Maybe he figures if he has one you'll want to be traveling all the time, which isn't something he's interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

well good thing we're not married.

i cannot imagine why someone would willingly choose not to have a passport, unless they didn't have the $110 it costs to renew. what possible reason could there be for not just taking care of it - especially if it was a priority for your spouse.

because he has his own priorities! You want him to stop doing something he finds valuable (even if it's just weekend relaxing) to go make time to do something unimportant for no real reason. And be nagged about it also.

dude, we do what he wants a lot. we do what i want a lot. we have a very egalitarian marriage. it takes literally 15 minutes to get the photos taken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I am on your husband's side vis-a-vis your unreasonable annoyance about this. I don't think there is a downside to having a valid passport, nor do I think it's a huge deal to get it renewed. But he doesn't want to do it. You can fill out the form for him if that means so much to you, and then he just has to sign it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

There is no downside to having one but that isn't the issue. There isn't any need for DW to drag DH to do it. Right. This. Very. Second. If they plan a trip then okay, he needs one and he will probably figure out or ask DW to help him.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you planning more vacations then if you like to travel? I grew up doing big international trips and loved seeing historical sites. DH loved it after I took him. He saw how much I enjoyed myself and I think it made him like it too.

I don't see the need for a passport unless you know you'll be going internationally in the next 3 months?