no, husband, i'm not being a "control freak" for wanting you to have a passport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My sympathies, OP.

My husband usually keeps up with passport requirements since we are foreigners and our families live overseas. However he lets other critical stuff slide, like carbon monoxide detectors (!!!), or bike helmet replacements, or replacing rotting siding.

He has ADHD. I have to keep on top of this stuff or nag him to do it.

OP, does your DH let this stuff go? Yesterday was daylight savings -did he check smoke and CO detectors? If he didn't and you care less about those, then this is all about your disappointment in him for not loving what you love.

Neither of us is very great at staying on top of day to day things like smoke detectors, really. He is better at it than I am, to tell you the truth.

Good news is that he just gave me his filled out passport application. I will be bringing it to the post office today. In exchange, we are getting pizza for dinner and watching whatever he wants on TV tonight.

Really, overall, our household is pretty peaceful (knock wood). We both sometimes get wound up about the stuff we get wound up about. Thanks for listening, thanks for empathizing and giving some good insight (those of you who did).

[Anonymous]

I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

I drive every day so I need my license. I leave the country once every 10 years, if that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I see no upside to it. I left the country once - for a sibling's destination wedding in Mexico. I have no idea when a passport expires but it's been over five years since the wedding, so ... probably? Why would I renew it? In 40 years I've left the country once. I have no other siblings, so nobody else is getting married out of the country and if they do I probably wouldn't go. I have neither the money nor the wanderlust to travel. I barely leave my little 10 mile radius. I haven't been on an airplane in over two years.

You're lying when you say you've made peace with his lack of wanderlust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

well good thing we're not married.

i cannot imagine why someone would willingly choose not to have a passport, unless they didn't have the $110 it costs to renew. what possible reason could there be for not just taking care of it - especially if it was a priority for your spouse.

Um, lots of people don't have passports. It is only weird to you because you travel abroad a lot. Not everyone does, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

What game are getting ahead of? You think the passport office will close abruptly? Or you think they run out of blank passports?

Normal people act when they get a notice. This is what the notice is for. Normal people don't run to the DMV a year before their licence expires to be ahead of the game.

[Anonymous]

OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

So funny that you don't see it is a control thing. How do you 'give' someone one month to do something? Why bother when the action is not yours to take or not take and doesn't impact you? That is the definition of controlling. That's fine, but own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My sympathies, OP.

My husband usually keeps up with passport requirements since we are foreigners and our families live overseas. However he lets other critical stuff slide, like carbon monoxide detectors (!!!), or bike helmet replacements, or replacing rotting siding.

He has ADHD. I have to keep on top of this stuff or nag him to do it.

OP, does your DH let this stuff go? Yesterday was daylight savings -did he check smoke and CO detectors? If he didn't and you care less about those, then this is all about your disappointment in him for not loving what you love.

Not to go all off-topic or anything, but anyone can check the smoke and CO detectors. If it's important to OP or PP or anyone, just go do it yourself. There is no need to nag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

Yes, definitely, getting a passport renewed and having an unnecessary colonoscopy are comparable. Great analogy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

Yes, definitely, getting a passport renewed and having an unnecessary colonoscopy are comparable. Great analogy.

It took me three hours to get my passport renewed waiting on line at the post office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is just a vent, no advice needed: my husband's passport has been expired for a year. i've been asking him, for a year, to get it renewed.

this weekend, i finally dragged him to cvs to get his passport photos taken. today, i asked him to please fill out the passport renewal form so that i could bring it to the post office and send it off. so that we have passports. his response is that i am being a "control freak" and why can't he do this on his own timeline.

because that means that it WILL NEVER HAPPEN is why.

just, background: i spent most of my 20s and 30s living overseas. husband has been overseas basically once, when his parents took him to europe. he almost lived in canada once with an ex but that fell through. obviously, travel and being able to travel is clearly more important to me - and it's something we haven't done at all in the 7 years we've been together. we've traveled a lot in the US, never overseas - except to canada, once.

so, yes, this is extremely frustrating to me. it's frustrating that my husband doesn't have the same wanderlust - but i made peace with that, before i married him. but refusing to get his passport renewed - and making out as if i am the bad guy, as if i am unreasonable, for wanting him to do it - just makes me feel so sad and frustrated.

no, we're not getting a divorce. yes, he has other redeeming qualities. i don't need advice. just annoyed AF.

Plan a vacation for the two of you. But know that he might not get to go. Go and enjoy yourself. See how long it takes for him to get his passport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

Yes, definitely, getting a passport renewed and having an unnecessary colonoscopy are comparable. Great analogy.

It took me three hours to get my passport renewed waiting on line at the post office.

I'm not sure what point you're making. Our post office is very fast and we don't currently need colonoscopies, though since my husband has a history of prostate cancer in his family, if he doesn't also get his yearlies once he's old enough, I'm sure I will nag him about that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is just a vent, no advice needed: my husband's passport has been expired for a year. i've been asking him, for a year, to get it renewed.

this weekend, i finally dragged him to cvs to get his passport photos taken. today, i asked him to please fill out the passport renewal form so that i could bring it to the post office and send it off. so that we have passports. his response is that i am being a "control freak" and why can't he do this on his own timeline.

because that means that it WILL NEVER HAPPEN is why.

just, background: i spent most of my 20s and 30s living overseas. husband has been overseas basically once, when his parents took him to europe. he almost lived in canada once with an ex but that fell through. obviously, travel and being able to travel is clearly more important to me - and it's something we haven't done at all in the 7 years we've been together. we've traveled a lot in the US, never overseas - except to canada, once.

so, yes, this is extremely frustrating to me. it's frustrating that my husband doesn't have the same wanderlust - but i made peace with that, before i married him. but refusing to get his passport renewed - and making out as if i am the bad guy, as if i am unreasonable, for wanting him to do it - just makes me feel so sad and frustrated.

no, we're not getting a divorce. yes, he has other redeeming qualities. i don't need advice. just annoyed AF.

Plan a vacation for the two of you. But know that he might not get to go. Go and enjoy yourself. See how long it takes for him to get his passport.

He filled out the paperwork about an hour ago. I plan to bring it to the post office today. So hopefully we'll be going on a trip together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I see no upside to it. I left the country once - for a sibling's destination wedding in Mexico. I have no idea when a passport expires but it's been over five years since the wedding, so ... probably? Why would I renew it? In 40 years I've left the country once. I have no other siblings, so nobody else is getting married out of the country and if they do I probably wouldn't go. I have neither the money nor the wanderlust to travel. I barely leave my little 10 mile radius. I haven't been on an airplane in over two years.

You're lying when you say you've made peace with his lack of wanderlust.

this all makes me sad. wow.