How can women not be duped by men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s because with co-workers it’s called having high expectations or having boundaries, depending on the circumstances. If a woman expects her direct reports to be on time and produce high quality work, she’s a boss, if she has expectations for her husband? A bI+ch.

Your post does not make sense. Expectations are one thing. Being a bi+ch is another. And you know the difference.

I do. Men on this board and the sort of men who string women along certainly don’t seem to. High expectations, high standards, and no compromises are the ways women avoid being strung along.

[Anonymous]

You're talking about a women who went in the Bachelor as a model for bad relationships. You need to pick better heroes. Not reality TV stars. That's your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s because with co-workers it’s called having high expectations or having boundaries, depending on the circumstances. If a woman expects her direct reports to be on time and produce high quality work, she’s a boss, if she has expectations for her husband? A bI+ch.

Your post does not make sense. Expectations are one thing. Being a bi+ch is another. And you know the difference.

I do. Men on this board and the sort of men who string women along certainly don’t seem to. High expectations, high standards, and no compromises are the ways women avoid being strung along.

Right. One look at how the selfish, incel type men on this board get triggered at the mere suggestion that a woman be a "b!**h" who self advocates for herself makes you realize it really is the best strategy for women, that's why it terrifies them. The day women as a collective become as transactional and self focused as men would be a bad day for 99% of men, who rely on women's altruism, romanticism, and "kindness" to fool them into tolerating absolutely abysmal, draining behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who would go on The Bachelor or similar shows are not ordinary having ordinary relationships.

Exactly lol. If one is going on those shows they have mental problems that need to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And if my brother or son was the type of person to sit around while his spouse worked I for darn sure hope he wouldn’t be with the kind of doormat who enables this behavior and— worse— teaches boys that’s how they can behave. I expect my daughter to have extremely high standards.

If your son behaved this way, it would have been you who would have taught him how.

Again is there any male behavior for which you don’t blame women?

+1 I’m just reading along and ma’am I need to thank you for everything that you’ve said and everything that you do

These anti woman comments are killing me

[Anonymous]

Meh, I think women have as much responsiblity as men in relationships and can control their own destiny. Noen of this passivity.

Men and women can choose to end dating relationships that aren't working for them. It doesn't mean either was duped, it is what dating is for. To see if you want to make a life long committment and if at some point one person doesn't, they should end it.

I am completely agains the sexist tradition of proposal / engagement rings as some required ritual or the idea that women's dreams in life are about rings and white dresses.

Women need to start living their own lives, making their own decisions, and being active and autonomous in their life choices. They aren't damsels in distress, or weak, helpless, passive beings who exist at the whim of men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold out until you find the perfect man who meets 100% of your long list of requirements. A lot of women do that.

Of course, the rate of unmarried single women has gone up lately.. but at least they aren't settling for less than ideal circumstances.

Is this a joke? Women’s unrealistic dating standards are already overwhelmingly responsible for the current broken dating market. In our “cheap sex” culture, of course some man who is a 10 was willing to bang a woman who is a 6 a few times. Now the 6 forevermore thinks she deserves to be married to a 10, not understanding that there’s a difference between who men will sleep with when they’re horny and who they will make a lifetime commitment to.

Advising women to hold out for “the perfect man who meets 100% of [their] long list of requirements” is actually insane. Do you think your dad was a 100% perfect Prince Charming? No, he was a human being with flaws, just like your mom—and yet society thrived with these matches.

Let's take education as a simple case. A woman who went to college probably wants a man who also went to college. But, university enrollment at the undergrad level at most universities is 60-40 male-female. So just on that measure, and it's not a lot to ask for, and it's 3 women competing for 2 men.

Yes, let us do take education as a simple case…of women’s absurd dating standards. There are lots of well-paying jobs that don’t require a college degree—a 22-year-old plumber or electrician with four years of experience will likely earn significantly more than most 22-year-olds with a marketing degree (or most other non-STEM degrees).

Even some knowledge jobs, in the IT field for example, can be obtained and successfully done with the appropriate certifications and no college degree.

However, a college degree *is* important to those who believe in credentialism and status symbols. Additionally, women who insist on a partner with a college degree are really looking for someone who ascribes to the left-wing orthodoxy that dominates these institutions. Men, especially white men, correctly view these institutions and their ideology as hostile toward them and, as you noted, are avoiding them in increasing numbers. And now women are dismayed that there are not enough men engaging with the institutions and systems that seek their destruction—amazing.

So while a college degree is not necessary for earning a reasonable income in many fields or even obtaining knowledge (which has never been more freely available to so many people, via the Internet), many women view it as a requirement in a partner because they have an inordinate focus on class and credentialism and have strict ideological limits on the views their partners are allowed to hold.

So, yes, limiting one’s dating pool to only college educated men is not some sort of rational filter to ensure he can provide for a family, but is actually one of the superfluous “checkboxes” that many women need to abandon if they want to succeed in finding a partner.

[Anonymous]

In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.” State your opinions firmly. Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man. Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful. Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out. A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it. He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women. If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend. If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there? No. You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend. Treat a boyfriend like that. If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.” State your opinions firmly. Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man. Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful. Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out. A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it. He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women. If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend. If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there? No. You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend. Treat a boyfriend like that. If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance!

Most women won't want a boyfriend who treats them the same way you are describing. Someone who pushes back, says no, is unhelpful, treats his girlfriend like Denise from marketing. If someone posted on here that their boyfriend of 6 months was acting the way you suggest people act, she would be given the advice to dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.” State your opinions firmly. Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man. Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful. Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out. A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it. He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women. If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend. If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there? No. You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend. Treat a boyfriend like that. If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance!

Most women won't want a boyfriend who treats them the same way you are describing. Someone who pushes back, says no, is unhelpful, treats his girlfriend like Denise from marketing. If someone posted on here that their boyfriend of 6 months was acting the way you suggest people act, she would be given the advice to dump him.

NP, but yeah because... men and women are different? Men are socialized to be selfish, that it's okay to be loud and focus on themselves. Wome are socialized to be aware of the group, to be empathetic and self sacrificing and nice. So yes, men need, often, to be trained to put the other person first whereas women often need to train themselves to put themselves first. It's the same reason the "male loneliness crisis" exists, because men cannot maintain friendships with other men because they dont really engage in reciprocal behavior. Both sides are being selfish so the friendship is shallow and unfulfilling. Women dont suffer from the same issue because they habitually put the other person before them, think of what they'd like/enjoy, connect with them emotionally. Women need to basically learn to take a step back from constantly "fixing" the relationship or other person and exist in an attitude of selfishness, and men need to learn the total opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.” State your opinions firmly. Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man. Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful. Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out. A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it. He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women. If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend. If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there? No. You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend. Treat a boyfriend like that. If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance!

Most women won't want a boyfriend who treats them the same way you are describing. Someone who pushes back, says no, is unhelpful, treats his girlfriend like Denise from marketing. If someone posted on here that their boyfriend of 6 months was acting the way you suggest people act, she would be given the advice to dump him.

NP, but yeah because... men and women are different? Men are socialized to be selfish, that it's okay to be loud and focus on themselves. Wome are socialized to be aware of the group, to be empathetic and self sacrificing and nice. So yes, men need, often, to be trained to put the other person first whereas women often need to train themselves to put themselves first. It's the same reason the "male loneliness crisis" exists, because men cannot maintain friendships with other men because they dont really engage in reciprocal behavior. Both sides are being selfish so the friendship is shallow and unfulfilling. Women dont suffer from the same issue because they habitually put the other person before them, think of what they'd like/enjoy, connect with them emotionally. Women need to basically learn to take a step back from constantly "fixing" the relationship or other person and exist in an attitude of selfishness, and men need to learn the total opposite.[/quote

So much sexism in one post. Women and men both need to respect ohers and be treated with respect. Neither needs to fix the other but both should be supportive. There is no one way that women act and men act in relationships. Both sexes run the gamet of personalities and how they treat others and how selfish or unselfish they are. There is no need to "train" anyone. Teach your kids to treat others with respect and to expect respect in return. Teach both your sons and daughters to assert themselves, and to know what a healthy relationship looks like and how to take responsibility for themselves and their choices. As adults, make those choices for yourself. Neither should put up with disrespect or a non supportive or unequal partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.” State your opinions firmly. Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man. Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful. Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out. A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it. He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women. If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend. If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there? No. You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend. Treat a boyfriend like that. If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance!

I would advise both my son and daughter to dump someone who treated them like this. This should have self respect and expect respect in a relationship and treat others with respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.” State your opinions firmly. Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man. Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful. Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out. A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it. He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women. If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend. If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there? No. You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend. Treat a boyfriend like that. If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance!

Most women won't want a boyfriend who treats them the same way you are describing. Someone who pushes back, says no, is unhelpful, treats his girlfriend like Denise from marketing. If someone posted on here that their boyfriend of 6 months was acting the way you suggest people act, she would be given the advice to dump him.

NP, but yeah because... men and women are different? Men are socialized to be selfish, that it's okay to be loud and focus on themselves. Wome are socialized to be aware of the group, to be empathetic and self sacrificing and nice. So yes, men need, often, to be trained to put the other person first whereas women often need to train themselves to put themselves first. It's the same reason the "male loneliness crisis" exists, because men cannot maintain friendships with other men because they dont really engage in reciprocal behavior. Both sides are being selfish so the friendship is shallow and unfulfilling. Women dont suffer from the same issue because they habitually put the other person before them, think of what they'd like/enjoy, connect with them emotionally. Women need to basically learn to take a step back from constantly "fixing" the relationship or other person and exist in an attitude of selfishness, and men need to learn the total opposite.

So much sexism in one post. Women and men both need to respect ohers and be treated with respect. Neither needs to fix the other but both should be supportive. There is no one way that women act and men act in relationships. Both sexes run the gamet of personalities and how they treat others and how selfish or unselfish they are. There is no need to "train" anyone. Teach your kids to treat others with respect and to expect respect in return. Teach both your sons and daughters to assert themselves, and to know what a healthy relationship looks like and how to take responsibility for themselves and their choices. As adults, make those choices for yourself. Neither should put up with disrespect or a non supportive or unequal partner.

It's the truth, and men need to be socialized differently IN GENERAL, which is exactly why so many of them are struggling so much to function in society and maintain relationships of any kind. It's very obvious who the problem is. The proof is in the pudding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.” State your opinions firmly. Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man. Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful. Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out. A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it. He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women. If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend. If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there? No. You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend. Treat a boyfriend like that. If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance!

I would advise both my son and daughter to dump someone who treated them like this. This should have self respect and expect respect in a relationship and treat others with respect.

Quoted poster.

Please note that I did not say “Say no randomly for kicks”

I said “say no.” A lot of women will avoid saying no about anything for any reason in new relationships. They will either go along to get along or they will waffle. “Hmm, that’s a great idea, honey! But remember it might not work because…” I have literally never met a man who had a problem saying “No that won’t work” to a woman he is dating. Often without even really thinking about whether that is true.

Likewise, I did not say “Don’t listen to other’s opinions” I said “State your own opinions firmly.” Again this is where the socialization of women to be nice (aka agreeable and compliant) works against them. If you want to go to Hawaii and he wants to go skiing for a fun couple’s trip. Say that and don’t soften it. State your opinion. If he is a man who cares about you then the two of you can have a real conversation. If he replies “Oh so you don’t even care about what I want!!!” Or some other tantrum, that is IMPORTANT INFORMATION.

And finally, if you are dating someone for less than 6 months and you feel entitled to be coddled through life by that person, then you are a user and I do not apologize for saying so.