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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.”  State your opinions firmly.  Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man.  Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful.  Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out.  A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it.  He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women.  If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend.  If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there?  No.  You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend.  Treat a boyfriend like that.  If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance![/quote]

Most women won't want a boyfriend who treats them the same way you are describing. Someone who pushes back, says no, is unhelpful, treats his girlfriend like Denise from marketing. If someone posted on here that their boyfriend of 6 months was acting the way you suggest people act, she would be given the advice to dump him. [/quote]

NP, but yeah because... men and women are different? Men are socialized to be selfish, that it's okay to be loud and focus on themselves. Wome are socialized to be aware of the group, to be empathetic and self sacrificing and nice. So yes, men need, often, to be trained to put the other person first whereas women often need to train themselves to put themselves first. It's the same reason the "male loneliness crisis" exists, because men cannot maintain friendships with other men because they dont really engage in reciprocal behavior. Both sides are being selfish so the friendship is shallow and unfulfilling. Women dont suffer from the same issue because they habitually put the other person before them, think of what they'd like/enjoy, connect with them emotionally. Women need to basically learn to take a step back from constantly "fixing" the relationship or other person and exist in an attitude of selfishness, and men need to learn the total opposite.[/quote]

So much sexism in one post. Women and men both need to respect ohers and be treated with respect. Neither needs to fix the other but both should be supportive. There is no one way that women act and men act in relationships. Both sexes run the gamet of personalities and how they treat others and how selfish or unselfish they are. There is no need to "train" anyone. Teach your kids to treat others with respect and to expect respect in return. Teach both your sons and daughters to assert themselves, and to know what a healthy relationship looks like and how to take responsibility for themselves and their choices. As adults, make those choices for yourself. Neither should put up with disrespect or a non supportive or unequal partner.  [/quote]

It's the truth, and men need to be socialized differently IN GENERAL, which is exactly why so many of them are struggling so much to function in society and maintain relationships of any kind. It's very obvious who the problem is. The proof is in the pudding[/quote]

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