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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In the first 6 months: Tell him “no.”  State your opinions firmly.  Don’t rescue him if he finds himself in a tough situation of his own creation.

The problem is that in the early stages of a relationship women are taught to not need anything and to give everything bc the goal used to be to catch a man.  Even a crappy man was better than being a spinster and women are still socialized with that mindset.

The reality is that the early stages of the relationship are the place where you need to push back, say no, be unhelpful.  Because a weak, selfish man will be utterly infuriated and will either show his weakness so you can dump him or he will weed himself out.  A man worth your time can hear no and be respectful about it.  He won’t automatically reject opinions offered by women.  If he messes up, he will understand that it’s his responsibility to solve it.

Don’t do anything for a new boyfriend that you wouldn’t do for a newish friend.  If Denise from marketing was sick would you go over and take her temperature hourly and make her soup and clean her apartment while you’re there?  No.  You would text her a get-well message, maybe drop off soup, and check in after a few days to see if she is on the mend.  Treat a boyfriend like that.  If he is likes you as a person it won’t drive him away; if he only likes you for your labor then good riddance![/quote]

I would advise both my son and daughter to dump someone who treated them like this. This should have self respect and expect respect in a relationship and treat others with respect. [/quote]

Quoted poster.

Please note that I did not say “Say no randomly for kicks”

I said “say no.”  A lot of women will avoid saying no about anything for any reason in new relationships. They will either go along to get along or they will waffle.  “Hmm, that’s a great idea, honey!  But remember it might not work because…” I have literally never met a man who had a problem saying “No that won’t work” to a woman he is dating.  Often without even really thinking about whether that is true.

Likewise, I did not say “Don’t listen to other’s opinions” I said “State your own opinions firmly.”  Again this is where the socialization of women to be nice (aka agreeable and compliant) works against them.  If you want to go to Hawaii and he wants to go skiing for a fun couple’s trip.  Say that and don’t soften it.  State your opinion.  If he is a man who cares about you then the two of you can have a real conversation.  If he replies “Oh so you don’t even care about what I want!!!” Or some other tantrum, that is IMPORTANT INFORMATION.

And finally, if you are dating someone for less than 6 months and you feel entitled to be coddled through life by that person, then you are a user and I do not apologize for saying so.[/quote]

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