My mom is upset over Thanksgiving plans

[Anonymous]

Team Mom. Your Dad is treating you and your new baby like an afterthought. They are “in town” but not specifically to visit you? F that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you remind ALL of them that from here on out they need to remember that Baby Larla will be having one birthday and one dance recital and one school play, etc so if they’re going to want to participate in these milestones then they’re going to have to figure out how to manage because you won’t be playing referee among adults.

That's fair. Stick to the original Thanksgiving plans but make it clear that all are welcome here on out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback everyone. I’m still torn on what to do, but I’m leaning towards telling my dad to come the next day so I don’t upset my mom. Plus I would hate for her to be alone on her birthday.

You are a new mom, so I’ll give you some grace. I can’t wait until your kid grows up and decides that you aren’t worth the trouble to adjust their plans so you don’t have to be alone on a holiday/birthday. You are already setting such a great example for them to follow! Signed mom of teen

Weird rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Op, you're a mom now. You're an adult. Being an adult means you act like one. You invited your mom first but you also invited your dad or at least agreed he could come on Thanksgiving when he suggested it.

Your Mom is being petulant and selfish. She is forcing you to choose her over your Dad by using blatant emotional blackmail.

It's time you trained her to stop behaving that way with you, and trained yourself to act like a grown up.

If she's alone on Thanksgiving that's her own choice, no? She's the type who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

Let her stew in her own soup if bitterness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Op, you're a mom now. You're an adult. Being an adult means you act like one. You invited your mom first but you also invited your dad or at least agreed he could come on Thanksgiving when he suggested it.

Your Mom is being petulant and selfish. She is forcing you to choose her over your Dad by using blatant emotional blackmail.

It's time you trained her to stop behaving that way with you, and trained yourself to act like a grown up.

If she's alone on Thanksgiving that's her own choice, no? She's the type who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

Let her stew in her own soup if bitterness.

Mommy issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Op, you're a mom now. You're an adult. Being an adult means you act like one. You invited your mom first but you also invited your dad or at least agreed he could come on Thanksgiving when he suggested it.

Your Mom is being petulant and selfish. She is forcing you to choose her over your Dad by using blatant emotional blackmail.

It's time you trained her to stop behaving that way with you, and trained yourself to act like a grown up.

If she's alone on Thanksgiving that's her own choice, no? She's the type who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

Let her stew in her own soup if bitterness.

Mommy issues?

Definitely. Talk about projecting!

[Anonymous]

I bet your dad is doing this on purpose to cause drama with your mom. He has decided that he will be in town and wants to crash your plans with your mom on her birthday. You are clearly not the priority, and he can come over another time. If he actually cared about you, he would never put you in this position. My parents divorced when I was a kid and they would occasionally spend time together when necessary, but for holidays, one of them would always agree to celebrate it on a different day. In this case, you already made plans with your mom AND it’s her birthday, so dad gets another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Op, you're a mom now. You're an adult. Being an adult means you act like one. You invited your mom first but you also invited your dad or at least agreed he could come on Thanksgiving when he suggested it.

Your Mom is being petulant and selfish. She is forcing you to choose her over your Dad by using blatant emotional blackmail.

It's time you trained her to stop behaving that way with you, and trained yourself to act like a grown up.

If she's alone on Thanksgiving that's her own choice, no? She's the type who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

Let her stew in her own soup if bitterness.

Mommy issues?

Definitely. Talk about projecting!

Many women engage in emotional blackmail just like ops mommy. If you think emotional blackmail is ok you're the one with issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom. Your Dad is treating you and your new baby like an afterthought. They are “in town” but not specifically to visit you? F that.

Team Mom *1

[Anonymous]

Is stepmom the AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Where would they be otherwise or did they kind of invite themselves over? If so, it sounds like a power move on your Dad against your mom since he must know it is her birthday.

How far apart was your parent’s divorce and the start of his relationship with your step mother?

He hadn’t made other plans. He claims he forgot it was my mom’s birthday.

He started dating my stepmom a few years after their divorce.

[Anonymous]

You suck OP.

[Anonymous]

Is he the type that isn't as much a part of your life so you drop everything for him the second he phones in (mom's bdays be damned)?
If that is not the case, you should still see him Friday and explain to your mom future events may include that couple and she will have to see them. I would give her Thanksgivings though if it's important to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback everyone. I’m still torn on what to do, but I’m leaning towards telling my dad to come the next day so I don’t upset my mom. Plus I would hate for her to be alone on her birthday.

Your instincts are good. Do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

This. OP, you and your baby were not your dad's priority. He made a plan to come to town, without consulting you, and is now working you in. Don't punish your mom for being familiar and reward your dad for being self centered.

This. Women are always so blinded by their poor behaving dads. He knows your mom doesn’t want to see him and he knows that you usually spend the holiday with her. He’s being a jerk by ignoring all of that and putting you in this position. You’ll see him later in the weekend. It doesn’t even sound like he’s coming to specifically be with you and I bet you your mom provides way more support to you on a regular basis then he does or will.

It sounds like she's poorly behaving and women like you refuse to see wrong in moms and always blame dad's. Mom probably kept the kids from him given she doesn't want the kids to see him during his visit.