My mom is upset over Thanksgiving plans

[Anonymous]

Tell them all to stay home. Why can’t these adults (your parents) behave for a few hours and be with their daughter and new grandchild? They created this mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom. I get you want to see your dad, but your mom is already willing to change your traditional plans (without any argument, it seems) that clearly your dad hasn't been apart of for some time, and it's her birthday.

Ask to see Dad the next day.

Moving forward, early on I would announce you are having 1 Thanksgiving at your house, all are welcome. But not this year because you already made a plan with your mom.

This is ridiculous. She agreed? She doesn't get to dictate to OP how she spends Thanksgiving, or any day.

Team "suck it up, parents."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

Adults, and particularly senior citizens, who make a big deal about their birthdays, are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom. I get you want to see your dad, but your mom is already willing to change your traditional plans (without any argument, it seems) that clearly your dad hasn't been apart of for some time, and it's her birthday.

Ask to see Dad the next day.

Moving forward, early on I would announce you are having 1 Thanksgiving at your house, all are welcome. But not this year because you already made a plan with your mom.

This is ridiculous. She agreed? She doesn't get to dictate to OP how she spends Thanksgiving, or any day.

Team "suck it up, parents."

No. Your dad doesn't get to announce he's coming to your home when you already have plans. That's not how this works.

[Anonymous]

Team Mom. You asked her if it was okay to invite Dad, she said no. You already had plans with her, plans for which she demonstrated flexibility and understanding. Your dad can't meet the baby without coming to dinner?

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the feedback everyone. I’m still torn on what to do, but I’m leaning towards telling my dad to come the next day so I don’t upset my mom. Plus I would hate for her to be alone on her birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team you. New baby changes everything. Everyone is invited, everyone can come or not. Not your problem to manage the emotions about it other than your own. Baby is too young to have any. The end!

I really dislike it when people think that having a baby means that you no longer need to be thoughtful at all about other people.
I also really dislike it when people say "The end!" as though that adds anything at all to the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback everyone. I’m still torn on what to do, but I’m leaning towards telling my dad to come the next day so I don’t upset my mom. Plus I would hate for her to be alone on her birthday.

OP I commend you for being thoughtful about other people, particularly at a time when you are learning how to deal with a newborn. I hope you can keep that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback everyone. I’m still torn on what to do, but I’m leaning towards telling my dad to come the next day so I don’t upset my mom. Plus I would hate for her to be alone on her birthday.

I don't know how this is a question. If your dad can come another day, why does he have to come on Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

Adults, and particularly senior citizens, who make a big deal about their birthdays, are ridiculous.

Not wanting to have dinner with your ex and his wife (and AP?) isn't making a big deal out of your birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback everyone. I’m still torn on what to do, but I’m leaning towards telling my dad to come the next day so I don’t upset my mom. Plus I would hate for her to be alone on her birthday.

Ya that sounds like a good plan OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad’s only in town that one day??

I’d have him come over at 10 or 11 for coffee/bagels, then mom later that day for dinner at 4.

If dad complains, too bad. Tell him you are not making yourself miserable when you just had a baby - presumably he knows the deal and he & your mom have not been in a room in a while.

THIS^^^

If he's in town for more than 1 day, you have Thursday with Mom and another day with dad. You have a newborn, so don't over extend yourself. You also know neither parent wants to be around the other, so do not put them in that position. You will have plenty of those times to come---ES plays/events, sports/music/school activities your kid(s) are in, graduations, religious event for the kids---those are all one-time events that they need to learn to grow up and be in the same room. But holidays, nope, you can celebrate separately on different days ideally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback everyone. I’m still torn on what to do, but I’m leaning towards telling my dad to come the next day so I don’t upset my mom. Plus I would hate for her to be alone on her birthday.

Dad can come the next day. It will be easier on everyone, including you and the baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team you. New baby changes everything. Everyone is invited, everyone can come or not. Not your problem to manage the emotions about it other than your own. Baby is too young to have any. The end!

I really dislike it when people think that having a baby means that you no longer need to be thoughtful at all about other people.
I also really dislike it when people say "The end!" as though that adds anything at all to the conversation.

She has a NEWBORN. She is entitled to do a holiday or any day really in a manner that works best for her immediate family at this time. That does not mean she is "not thoughtful at all about other people".

Me personally, I'd do Thursday with her mom, since that was already set up. Then do friday with dad. Everyone will be happier, including the OP and her newborn baby (overstimulation can wreck havoc on a newborn). No need to stress everyone out by making her Mom have to be in same place with her dad and his new girlfriend (or wife).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

This. OP, you and your baby were not your dad's priority. He made a plan to come to town, without consulting you, and is now working you in. Don't punish your mom for being familiar and reward your dad for being self centered.