My mom is upset over Thanksgiving plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This one seems fairly easy- you do not invite your dad. If there is any other time you can find to meet up with him that isn't Tgiving day or Tgiving dinner, great.

But stick with your mom on this one.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Op, you're a mom now. You're an adult. Being an adult means you act like one. You invited your mom first but you also invited your dad or at least agreed he could come on Thanksgiving when he suggested it.

Your Mom is being petulant and selfish. She is forcing you to choose her over your Dad by using blatant emotional blackmail.

It's time you trained her to stop behaving that way with you, and trained yourself to act like a grown up.

If she's alone on Thanksgiving that's her own choice, no? She's the type who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

Let her stew in her own soup if bitterness.

Mommy issues?

Definitely. Talk about projecting!

Yup. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

This. OP, you and your baby were not your dad's priority. He made a plan to come to town, without consulting you, and is now working you in. Don't punish your mom for being familiar and reward your dad for being self centered.

This. Women are always so blinded by their poor behaving dads. He knows your mom doesn’t want to see him and he knows that you usually spend the holiday with her. He’s being a jerk by ignoring all of that and putting you in this position. You’ll see him later in the weekend. It doesn’t even sound like he’s coming to specifically be with you and I bet you your mom provides way more support to you on a regular basis then he does or will.

It sounds like she's poorly behaving and women like you refuse to see wrong in moms and always blame dad's. Mom probably kept the kids from him given she doesn't want the kids to see him during his visit.

You’re full of crap, but nothing if not predictable. What took you so long to get here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

This. OP, you and your baby were not your dad's priority. He made a plan to come to town, without consulting you, and is now working you in. Don't punish your mom for being familiar and reward your dad for being self centered.

This. Women are always so blinded by their poor behaving dads. He knows your mom doesn’t want to see him and he knows that you usually spend the holiday with her. He’s being a jerk by ignoring all of that and putting you in this position. You’ll see him later in the weekend. It doesn’t even sound like he’s coming to specifically be with you and I bet you your mom provides way more support to you on a regular basis then he does or will.

It sounds like she's poorly behaving and women like you refuse to see wrong in moms and always blame dad's. Mom probably kept the kids from him given she doesn't want the kids to see him during his visit.

He doesn't get to come meddle in pre-made plans. Everyone would say the same about keeping plans if she made plans with dad first and mom popped in asking to include her for her birthday. If dad said he wouldn't want to be part of that, people would side with dad as he was the FIRST plan.
As it is, it's rude to shift the holiday plans on a parent for the other's whim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

This. OP, you and your baby were not your dad's priority. He made a plan to come to town, without consulting you, and is now working you in. Don't punish your mom for being familiar and reward your dad for being self centered.

This. Women are always so blinded by their poor behaving dads. He knows your mom doesn’t want to see him and he knows that you usually spend the holiday with her. He’s being a jerk by ignoring all of that and putting you in this position. You’ll see him later in the weekend. It doesn’t even sound like he’s coming to specifically be with you and I bet you your mom provides way more support to you on a regular basis then he does or will.

It sounds like she's poorly behaving and women like you refuse to see wrong in moms and always blame dad's. Mom probably kept the kids from him given she doesn't want the kids to see him during his visit.

He doesn't get to come meddle in pre-made plans. Everyone would say the same about keeping plans if she made plans with dad first and mom popped in asking to include her for her birthday. If dad said he wouldn't want to be part of that, people would side with dad as he was the FIRST plan.
As it is, it's rude to shift the holiday plans on a parent for the other's whim.

OP could have reached out to him and invite him. She clearly treats him very differently. She probably knew he was coming and didn't care. Now he's asking and it's a crisis. The simple solution is to do brunch with dad and dinner with mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

This. OP, you and your baby were not your dad's priority. He made a plan to come to town, without consulting you, and is now working you in. Don't punish your mom for being familiar and reward your dad for being self centered.

This. Women are always so blinded by their poor behaving dads. He knows your mom doesn’t want to see him and he knows that you usually spend the holiday with her. He’s being a jerk by ignoring all of that and putting you in this position. You’ll see him later in the weekend. It doesn’t even sound like he’s coming to specifically be with you and I bet you your mom provides way more support to you on a regular basis then he does or will.

It sounds like she's poorly behaving and women like you refuse to see wrong in moms and always blame dad's. Mom probably kept the kids from him given she doesn't want the kids to see him during his visit.

You’re full of crap, but nothing if not predictable. What took you so long to get here?

Mom refuses to be decent and allow dad and his wife to see their child and grandchild on thanksgiving. She is the one who is nasty. Clearly you were quick to jump in and disparage dad before considering the flip side to it.

[Anonymous]

I have been out to dinner and back and now reading threads from earlier today. I am convinced that it's a bunch of drunks responding at this point with a bunch of nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been out to dinner and back and now reading threads from earlier today. I am convinced that it's a bunch of drunks responding at this point with a bunch of nonsense.

Perhaps drink less wine with dinner next time.

[Anonymous]

Here is a failsafe step-by-step plan:

1. Watch “The Big Chill.”
2. Realize that Thanksgiving can be a four-day weekend celebration.
3. Leave your dad high and dry on Thursday.
4. Have him over early Saturday to eat, drink, and watch the awesome traditional Michigan-OSU showdown, like in the movie. Game plus alcohol will make interactions with his new honey smooth like butta.
5. Rinse and repeat every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Op, you're a mom now. You're an adult. Being an adult means you act like one. You invited your mom first but you also invited your dad or at least agreed he could come on Thanksgiving when he suggested it.

Your Mom is being petulant and selfish. She is forcing you to choose her over your Dad by using blatant emotional blackmail.

It's time you trained her to stop behaving that way with you, and trained yourself to act like a grown up.

If she's alone on Thanksgiving that's her own choice, no? She's the type who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

Let her stew in her own soup if bitterness.

Mommy issues?

Definitely. Talk about projecting!

Many women engage in emotional blackmail just like ops mommy. If you think emotional blackmail is ok you're the one with issues.

In your mind, is there a way for a person to have emotions and express them without it being emotional blackmail?

[Anonymous]

Is the stepmom the reason they got divorced?

If they had an amicable divorce and stepmom came later, I would have mom suck it up. Will she not come to child’s first birthday or any other events for grandchild? What will happen for holidays like Xmas ?

My FIL came to our wedding and did not bring his girlfriend/current wife. She is only 2 years older than DH. He married someone who is our age..

[Anonymous]

OP, why would you want to have a holiday with everyone in the first place? If they all came it sounds like it would be stressful and terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet your dad is doing this on purpose to cause drama with your mom. He has decided that he will be in town and wants to crash your plans with your mom on her birthday. You are clearly not the priority, and he can come over another time. If he actually cared about you, he would never put you in this position. My parents divorced when I was a kid and they would occasionally spend time together when necessary, but for holidays, one of them would always agree to celebrate it on a different day. In this case, you already made plans with your mom AND it’s her birthday, so dad gets another day.

Yeah, he "forgot" Moms birthday and invited himself over for Thanksgiving. He's being a dick and doesn't care if he's putting OP in a tough place.

[Anonymous]

Dad come for dinner - No
Dad meet Grandbaby - Yes

Figure something out. Retract any invitation -he thinks- he has. No one gets to "invite" themselves. Grow a spine and deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

Op, you're a mom now. You're an adult. Being an adult means you act like one. You invited your mom first but you also invited your dad or at least agreed he could come on Thanksgiving when he suggested it.

Your Mom is being petulant and selfish. She is forcing you to choose her over your Dad by using blatant emotional blackmail.

It's time you trained her to stop behaving that way with you, and trained yourself to act like a grown up.

If she's alone on Thanksgiving that's her own choice, no? She's the type who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

Let her stew in her own soup if bitterness.

Mommy issues?

Definitely. Talk about projecting!

Many women engage in emotional blackmail just like ops mommy. If you think emotional blackmail is ok you're the one with issues.

In your mind, is there a way for a person to have emotions and express them without it being emotional blackmail?

Of course.

OPs mom could have told OP, "I fully respect your absolute right to invite your father and his new wife or gf for Thanksgiving. However, I have never gotten over the ending of our marriage, and it would simply be too uncomfortable for me to participate in a Thanksgiving with your father and his new wife/g.f. Can you and I get together on Friday or Saturday and celebrate Thanksgiving and my birthday just the two of us? It would mean so much to me."

See how easy it is?