My mom is upset over Thanksgiving plans

[Anonymous]

Usually DH and I have Thanksgiving at my mom’s house and we make it a Thanksgiving/birthday celebration since her birthday is around Thanksgiving. However, we had a baby last month and decided we would have dinner at our house. We let my mom know and she was on board with the idea. However, my dad told me that he and my stepmom would be in town for Thanksgiving and they want to meet their new grandchild. My parents don’t get along at all. I asked my mom if it would be okay for them to come to dinner. She told me to uninvite them as she refuses to spend Thanksgiving and her birthday (it’s on Thanksgiving this year) with them. She told me if they come, she won’t come. I don’t want my mom to be alone. I’m torn on what to do. I just wish they could be adults for one day…

[Anonymous]

So you invite your mom. You know that she hates your dad but you also invite him. I feel like you kind of made a mess. I’d be truly pissed if I was your mom and I wouldn’t come either.

[Anonymous]

Team mom.

You always spend it with her at her house. She agreed to celebrate at your house. Her actual birthday is the same day. And who would want to spend a whole day and your birthday with their ex.

Where has dad been? Who is he visiting. Why are you just hearing about this. Let him come over the day before or after.

Was their breakup amicable, prob not

[Anonymous]

You invited your mom first. Just like you tell your kids, you can't ditch one friend when a different offer comes along. If your dad cares really cares, he'll be around the day before the day after

[Anonymous]

Team Mom. You made a plan with her. Then your father announced he’d be in town (not specifically to visit you) and you blow up your plan with your mom. You made a plan with her, so stick to that. You can have your father and stepmother over for breakfast or something on Saturday while your mom makes herself scarce for a couple of hours.

[Anonymous]

Not a good move to invite dad after you already invited mom and you know they don’t get along. Tell dad to come another time.

[Anonymous]

It's your mom's choice to not come if your dad is coming. Don't feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Invite them for another time over the weekend. He must know that he and your mom do not get along. I do not think he can just invite himself given the situation.

[Anonymous]

Why not have a second lunch with your dad on Friday? Problem solved

[Anonymous]

Team "why can't the parents suck it up for one meal"

[Anonymous]

This one seems fairly easy- you do not invite your dad. If there is any other time you can find to meet up with him that isn't Tgiving day or Tgiving dinner, great.

But stick with your mom on this one.

[Anonymous]

Dad’s only in town that one day??

I’d have him come over at 10 or 11 for coffee/bagels, then mom later that day for dinner at 4.

If dad complains, too bad. Tell him you are not making yourself miserable when you just had a baby - presumably he knows the deal and he & your mom have not been in a room in a while.

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving with mom. On Friday or Saturday book her a spa or get her tickets to something and have dad over for a few hours to meet baby.

[Anonymous]

Team Mom. I get you want to see your dad, but your mom is already willing to change your traditional plans (without any argument, it seems) that clearly your dad hasn't been apart of for some time, and it's her birthday.

Ask to see Dad the next day.

Moving forward, early on I would announce you are having 1 Thanksgiving at your house, all are welcome. But not this year because you already made a plan with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Team you. New baby changes everything. Everyone is invited, everyone can come or not. Not your problem to manage the emotions about it other than your own. Baby is too young to have any. The end!