Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the concept of more sexual partners equal being a better lover to your future husband. I've had 13 partners, but NONE of them fulfilled me like my DH and it's because I'm comfortable with him and over the years, we've learned what we both like and we are comfortable to tell each other what we'd like them to change/work on. IMO, sexual exploration with your one partner teaches you much more than random sex with many people (especially when the individual sexual taste will vary).

It doesn't always, clearly. Since there are many people who have had fulfilling sex lives with just one or two people in their entire life.

I'm the PP upthread who has had 30+ partners. I won't say that I learned something from each of them, but people have various quirks and kinks and personalities in bed. I learned what ones work for me and what ones I don't like as much. I learned various things from various people - like the man I was seeing the summer I was 20, who taught me how to give an awesome BJ. I learned from my boyfriend freshman year of college to appreciate my body for all its imperfections (he was the first one who really appreciated me physically and talked about it to me).

Did I have to sleep with all those people to learn those things? No. It's possible that I would have learned the techniques from DH. But I did learn them from different people.

So, essentially those others 29 partners had no value really. And one man's idea of a great BJ does not necessarily translate to the next person.

NP - you're willfully misreading the earlier post. She said that she "won't say [she] learned something from each of them," and that she didn't have to sleep with "all" those people. From her post, you can clearly see that, while not every single one of the 30 was an educational experience, many were.

No, you're missing the point which is that she could have learned those things from her DH, so those other partners didn't have any real value. What one person likes does not translate into what the next person will like. It's about learning your partners and his/her needs not screwing random people.

In the alternative, her knowledge from other partners can teach DH a few things, too.

About what?

Sex.

That's what we are talking about.

That argument does not hold water. You can learn what pleasures you as you and your partner discover each other. 10-15 other guys do not have to factor into the equation.

And I'm starting to think that you don't know much about sex and you don't have much experience with multiple partners. There is a LOT to know about sex. Different people can show you different things.

I'm sorry that your number is low and that you are so bitter and insecure about it. I'm sorry that women with a higher number intimidate you.

This is your problem, though, not theirs. There is something wrong with you, not them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the concept of more sexual partners equal being a better lover to your future husband. I've had 13 partners, but NONE of them fulfilled me like my DH and it's because I'm comfortable with him and over the years, we've learned what we both like and we are comfortable to tell each other what we'd like them to change/work on. IMO, sexual exploration with your one partner teaches you much more than random sex with many people (especially when the individual sexual taste will vary).

It doesn't always, clearly. Since there are many people who have had fulfilling sex lives with just one or two people in their entire life.

I'm the PP upthread who has had 30+ partners. I won't say that I learned something from each of them, but people have various quirks and kinks and personalities in bed. I learned what ones work for me and what ones I don't like as much. I learned various things from various people - like the man I was seeing the summer I was 20, who taught me how to give an awesome BJ. I learned from my boyfriend freshman year of college to appreciate my body for all its imperfections (he was the first one who really appreciated me physically and talked about it to me).

Did I have to sleep with all those people to learn those things? No. It's possible that I would have learned the techniques from DH. But I did learn them from different people.

So, essentially those others 29 partners had no value really. And one man's idea of a great BJ does not necessarily translate to the next person.

NP - you're willfully misreading the earlier post. She said that she "won't say [she] learned something from each of them," and that she didn't have to sleep with "all" those people. From her post, you can clearly see that, while not every single one of the 30 was an educational experience, many were.

No, you're missing the point which is that she could have learned those things from her DH, so those other partners didn't have any real value. What one person likes does not translate into what the next person will like. It's about learning your partners and his/her needs not screwing random people.

In the alternative, her knowledge from other partners can teach DH a few things, too.

About what?

Sex.

That's what we are talking about.

That argument does not hold water. You can learn what pleasures you as you and your partner discover each other. 10-15 other guys do not have to factor into the equation.

Hi. It's me, the one with the many apparently unnecessary partners. Glad to provide such fodder for discussion.

My point, PP who doesn't think multiple partners are needed, is that I did learn things, and different things, from many of these men. I don't consider all of them to be "of no value". Certainly that are a few here and there who I can honestly say did not enrich my life. I would consider sleeping with them to be a mistake - but even mistakes "have value" in that you learn from them. You learn to pick your partners more carefully (I know you'll have a hard time believing that I didn't just sleep with anyone who wanted to, but I didn't). Several of these people were people I loved very much. One of the ones who I would consider a sexual mistake (in that the sexual encounter taught me nothing other than that I didn't want to have any further such encounters with him) is actually one of my best friends now. Yes, DH knows and no, he doesn't have a problem with it.

I agree that it's wonderful when people learn each other sexually together. I am sure that if I had stayed with the boy I lost my virginity to, we would have learned things sexually together. I never said that it was dumb for people to have only one or two partners. I met DH, I stopped being interested in other people. The sex actually came much later. That had never happened to me before, and I thought it was really awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the concept of more sexual partners equal being a better lover to your future husband. I've had 13 partners, but NONE of them fulfilled me like my DH and it's because I'm comfortable with him and over the years, we've learned what we both like and we are comfortable to tell each other what we'd like them to change/work on. IMO, sexual exploration with your one partner teaches you much more than random sex with many people (especially when the individual sexual taste will vary).

It doesn't always, clearly. Since there are many people who have had fulfilling sex lives with just one or two people in their entire life.

I'm the PP upthread who has had 30+ partners. I won't say that I learned something from each of them, but people have various quirks and kinks and personalities in bed. I learned what ones work for me and what ones I don't like as much. I learned various things from various people - like the man I was seeing the summer I was 20, who taught me how to give an awesome BJ. I learned from my boyfriend freshman year of college to appreciate my body for all its imperfections (he was the first one who really appreciated me physically and talked about it to me).

Did I have to sleep with all those people to learn those things? No. It's possible that I would have learned the techniques from DH. But I did learn them from different people.

So, essentially those others 29 partners had no value really. And one man's idea of a great BJ does not necessarily translate to the next person.

NP - you're willfully misreading the earlier post. She said that she "won't say [she] learned something from each of them," and that she didn't have to sleep with "all" those people. From her post, you can clearly see that, while not every single one of the 30 was an educational experience, many were.

No, you're missing the point which is that she could have learned those things from her DH, so those other partners didn't have any real value. What one person likes does not translate into what the next person will like. It's about learning your partners and his/her needs not screwing random people.

In the alternative, her knowledge from other partners can teach DH a few things, too.

About what?

Sex.

That's what we are talking about.

That argument does not hold water. You can learn what pleasures you as you and your partner discover each other. 10-15 other guys do not have to factor into the equation.

Hi. It's me, the one with the many apparently unnecessary partners. Glad to provide such fodder for discussion.

My point, PP who doesn't think multiple partners are needed, is that I did learn things, and different things, from many of these men. I don't consider all of them to be "of no value". Certainly that are a few here and there who I can honestly say did not enrich my life. I would consider sleeping with them to be a mistake - but even mistakes "have value" in that you learn from them. You learn to pick your partners more carefully (I know you'll have a hard time believing that I didn't just sleep with anyone who wanted to, but I didn't). Several of these people were people I loved very much. One of the ones who I would consider a sexual mistake (in that the sexual encounter taught me nothing other than that I didn't want to have any further such encounters with him) is actually one of my best friends now. Yes, DH knows and no, he doesn't have a problem with it.

I agree that it's wonderful when people learn each other sexually together. I am sure that if I had stayed with the boy I lost my virginity to, we would have learned things sexually together. I never said that it was dumb for people to have only one or two partners. I met DH, I stopped being interested in other people. The sex actually came much later. That had never happened to me before, and I thought it was really awesome.

I wonder, though, why do some men--and women, too!--believe that if a woman has fucked 30 men or more, or in many cases, far less--then such women are "worthless sluts"? Like somehow, women--but not men--have some kind of perishable "value" that degrades lower and lower, with each new lover added? A virgin girl is "pure" and good...but a woman that's fucked 10 men or 30, whatever--well, she's just "tainted" somehow. I guess a woman "pollutes" herself by fucking more than one man? I wouldn't think your husband feels that way. You sound very happy and content with your husband.

Centurion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the concept of more sexual partners equal being a better lover to your future husband. I've had 13 partners, but NONE of them fulfilled me like my DH and it's because I'm comfortable with him and over the years, we've learned what we both like and we are comfortable to tell each other what we'd like them to change/work on. IMO, sexual exploration with your one partner teaches you much more than random sex with many people (especially when the individual sexual taste will vary).

It doesn't always, clearly. Since there are many people who have had fulfilling sex lives with just one or two people in their entire life.

I'm the PP upthread who has had 30+ partners. I won't say that I learned something from each of them, but people have various quirks and kinks and personalities in bed. I learned what ones work for me and what ones I don't like as much. I learned various things from various people - like the man I was seeing the summer I was 20, who taught me how to give an awesome BJ. I learned from my boyfriend freshman year of college to appreciate my body for all its imperfections (he was the first one who really appreciated me physically and talked about it to me).

Did I have to sleep with all those people to learn those things? No. It's possible that I would have learned the techniques from DH. But I did learn them from different people.

So, essentially those others 29 partners had no value really. And one man's idea of a great BJ does not necessarily translate to the next person.

NP - you're willfully misreading the earlier post. She said that she "won't say [she] learned something from each of them," and that she didn't have to sleep with "all" those people. From her post, you can clearly see that, while not every single one of the 30 was an educational experience, many were.

No, you're missing the point which is that she could have learned those things from her DH, so those other partners didn't have any real value. What one person likes does not translate into what the next person will like. It's about learning your partners and his/her needs not screwing random people.

She said "it's possible." And tellingly, she never says, indicates, or hints that she regrets a single sexual experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the concept of more sexual partners equal being a better lover to your future husband. I've had 13 partners, but NONE of them fulfilled me like my DH and it's because I'm comfortable with him and over the years, we've learned what we both like and we are comfortable to tell each other what we'd like them to change/work on. IMO, sexual exploration with your one partner teaches you much more than random sex with many people (especially when the individual sexual taste will vary).

It doesn't always, clearly. Since there are many people who have had fulfilling sex lives with just one or two people in their entire life.

I'm the PP upthread who has had 30+ partners. I won't say that I learned something from each of them, but people have various quirks and kinks and personalities in bed. I learned what ones work for me and what ones I don't like as much. I learned various things from various people - like the man I was seeing the summer I was 20, who taught me how to give an awesome BJ. I learned from my boyfriend freshman year of college to appreciate my body for all its imperfections (he was the first one who really appreciated me physically and talked about it to me).

Did I have to sleep with all those people to learn those things? No. It's possible that I would have learned the techniques from DH. But I did learn them from different people.

So, essentially those others 29 partners had no value really. And one man's idea of a great BJ does not necessarily translate to the next person.

NP - you're willfully misreading the earlier post. She said that she "won't say [she] learned something from each of them," and that she didn't have to sleep with "all" those people. From her post, you can clearly see that, while not every single one of the 30 was an educational experience, many were.

No, you're missing the point which is that she could have learned those things from her DH, so those other partners didn't have any real value. What one person likes does not translate into what the next person will like. It's about learning your partners and his/her needs not screwing random people.

In the alternative, her knowledge from other partners can teach DH a few things, too.

About what?

Sex.

That's what we are talking about.

That argument does not hold water. You can learn what pleasures you as you and your partner discover each other. 10-15 other guys do not have to factor into the equation.

Hi. It's me, the one with the many apparently unnecessary partners. Glad to provide such fodder for discussion.

My point, PP who doesn't think multiple partners are needed, is that I did learn things, and different things, from many of these men. I don't consider all of them to be "of no value". Certainly that are a few here and there who I can honestly say did not enrich my life. I would consider sleeping with them to be a mistake - but even mistakes "have value" in that you learn from them. You learn to pick your partners more carefully (I know you'll have a hard time believing that I didn't just sleep with anyone who wanted to, but I didn't). Several of these people were people I loved very much. One of the ones who I would consider a sexual mistake (in that the sexual encounter taught me nothing other than that I didn't want to have any further such encounters with him) is actually one of my best friends now. Yes, DH knows and no, he doesn't have a problem with it.

I agree that it's wonderful when people learn each other sexually together. I am sure that if I had stayed with the boy I lost my virginity to, we would have learned things sexually together. I never said that it was dumb for people to have only one or two partners. I met DH, I stopped being interested in other people. The sex actually came much later. That had never happened to me before, and I thought it was really awesome.

I wonder, though, why do some men--and women, too!--believe that if a woman has fucked 30 men or more, or in many cases, far less--then such women are "worthless sluts"? Like somehow, women--but not men--have some kind of perishable "value" that degrades lower and lower, with each new lover added? A virgin girl is "pure" and good...but a woman that's fucked 10 men or 30, whatever--well, she's just "tainted" somehow. I guess a woman "pollutes" herself by fucking more than one man? I wouldn't think your husband feels that way. You sound very happy and content with your husband.

Centurion

I think everyone wants to feel like they're special. If your 30 year old wife tells you that in the 15 years she's been having sex, she's been with more than 30 people, you might feel less special. You might feel insecure, like you are simply another in a long line. I know that there were times very early on when I was less certain about DH's feelings for me when I was concerned that I was just a number for him, that what we had wasn't special. That wasn't the case, obviously, for either of us, but not all human emotions need to be validated by reality to exist, if you know what I mean.

There are also practical issues of sexual health. The first time I ever had sex without a condom was with the man who is now my husband. Ever. Because health and safety were more important than spontaneity or a dude's pleasure. If that were standard practice for everyone who has multiple partners, there would be a lot lower rates of STIs and unplanned pregnancy. If a person with multiple partners is considered "tainted", I would imagine that largely, this would be a reason why.

It's been my experience that people have really different standards about when a relationship becomes "serious" enough for sex to be part of it. This month there has been a thread by a single mom who was unwilling to have a man she'd been out with twice before pick her up at her house because she didn't know him well enough. I can think of several people in my personal past who I knew I wanted to sleep with 5 minutes after meeting them. Sometimes people want to have been dating for a certain amount of time before they will "go all the way". Sometimes people want a commitment to monogamy, or, in what I believe to be extreme cases in 2013, an actual marriage ceremony to have occurred before they are willing to have sex. Therefore, anything before that line that people draw for themselves, wherever it is, is immoral.

This thread started out with what we'd want for our children. Personally, I want my daughter to feel like it's okay to explore her sexuality, or not, free of judgment. I know that is a completely unrealistic wish, though. There will always be judgment, on whatever criteria they please. Number of sex partners is a place that is really easy to judge women, given the long history of women being oppressed in various ways.

[Anonymous]

^^ very thoughtful post.

Question for you, PP:

What do you think the genesis was for the sexual oppression you mentioned? Generally, there is some practical reason these things happen. Like how men were better suited for hunting and killing physically so they went out and hunted while the women were able to tend to the new borns and children they mothered. The division of labor was a natural one back then and traditions carry forward.

Why do you think women's sexuality had been oppressed? What did men have to gain from it? Was there a reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ very thoughtful post.

Question for you, PP:

What do you think the genesis was for the sexual oppression you mentioned? Generally, there is some practical reason these things happen. Like how men were better suited for hunting and killing physically so they went out and hunted while the women were able to tend to the new borns and children they mothered. The division of labor was a natural one back then and traditions carry forward.

Why do you think women's sexuality had been oppressed? What did men have to gain from it? Was there a reason?

Historically, men have been trying to ensure that the children their partners bear are their own. Women have historically tried to secure male protection for themselves and their children from violence and the elements. Of course, the days when a women could be stolen by a rival tribe of apes or eaten by a bear are a long time ago for most of us, and we have more sophisticated ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies than locking up our women and girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ very thoughtful post.

Question for you, PP:

What do you think the genesis was for the sexual oppression you mentioned? Generally, there is some practical reason these things happen. Like how men were better suited for hunting and killing physically so they went out and hunted while the women were able to tend to the new borns and children they mothered. The division of labor was a natural one back then and traditions carry forward.

Why do you think women's sexuality had been oppressed? What did men have to gain from it? Was there a reason?

Historically, men have been trying to ensure that the children their partners bear are their own. Women have historically tried to secure male protection for themselves and their children from violence and the elements. Of course, the days when a women could be stolen by a rival tribe of apes or eaten by a bear are a long time ago for most of us, and we have more sophisticated ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies than locking up our women and girls.

So naturally the tendency to exhibit these traits was evolutionary superior. And thusly, are hard wired into our brains.

And there you have it - the natural inclination to distrust women who have sex with many men - as well as distrust men who make no commitment to any woman.

Our brain is 90% automatic reaction and 10% controlled. That 90% really dominates even though we think the 10% does.

[Anonymous]

This is such a bizarre question to ask.

My daughter's (and my son's) sex life is going to be her own private matter.

The only thing I'll care about is that she (and he) are safe from STDs, unwanted pregnancies, or forced sex.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is so fucking stupid. We women really can't win.

I hadn't slept with anyone in my early 20's, and neither had my roommate. Not for religious reasons, we just hadn't (OK, she had a fundamentalist period in her life and I was raised Catholic, but we were weedy and clubby at that time, and I was a mild alcoholic to boot, and we were both intensely interested in having LTR's and boyfriends, and we didn't have any religious restrictions by that point).

You wouldn't believe the ribbing and teasing we got from our peers. We were all single, newly graduated, with entry-level jobs and our own apartments, so yeah, we all knew everything about each other--including sexual histories. They would consider the grief good-natured, but it got really aggravating. I remember having lots of late-night conversations with my poor roommate, who wondered if there was something "wrong" with us. I would remind her that it was really, really, really easy for a chick to have sex, that it wasn't a poor reflection on us per se because yeah, I could fix it in a heartbeat by going to any bar and picking up some dude that very night.

Well, she couldn't handle it anymore, and just went ahead and had a one-night stand. Uh, actually, she slept with some "cute" guy right away, who promptly dumped her after one night, thereby turning it into a one-night stand. The emotional fallout was pretty awful.

So, yeah, if you DON'T sleep with anyone you're a big freaking weirdo, if you DO sleep with a lot of people, you're a dirty slut.

Do what makes you happy. I'm almost 40 now, married with kids, and there is NO CORRELATION I see with the number of partners one has had and having a happily-ever-after life. But I do see a correlation between knowing what you want and making smart decisions and choosing a compatible person.

Stupid numbers game was started by insecure men with inferiority complexes. It's about as dehumanizing and stupid and putting a moral value on a man just based on his salary (which we women are guilty of, btw).

[Anonymous]

As a mother of a 14 year old daughter I don't really want to know how many people she sleeps with. It's not my business. All I hope is that she is smart about it and protects herself from STDs and pregnancy. She has a pretty good head on her shoulders and I have faith in her to make the right decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so fucking stupid. We women really can't win.

I hadn't slept with anyone in my early 20's, and neither had my roommate. Not for religious reasons, we just hadn't (OK, she had a fundamentalist period in her life and I was raised Catholic, but we were weedy and clubby at that time, and I was a mild alcoholic to boot, and we were both intensely interested in having LTR's and boyfriends, and we didn't have any religious restrictions by that point).

You wouldn't believe the ribbing and teasing we got from our peers. We were all single, newly graduated, with entry-level jobs and our own apartments, so yeah, we all knew everything about each other--including sexual histories. They would consider the grief good-natured, but it got really aggravating. I remember having lots of late-night conversations with my poor roommate, who wondered if there was something "wrong" with us. I would remind her that it was really, really, really easy for a chick to have sex, that it wasn't a poor reflection on us per se because yeah, I could fix it in a heartbeat by going to any bar and picking up some dude that very night.

Well, she couldn't handle it anymore, and just went ahead and had a one-night stand. Uh, actually, she slept with some "cute" guy right away, who promptly dumped her after one night, thereby turning it into a one-night stand. The emotional fallout was pretty awful.

So, yeah, if you DON'T sleep with anyone you're a big freaking weirdo, if you DO sleep with a lot of people, you're a dirty slut.

Do what makes you happy. I'm almost 40 now, married with kids, and there is NO CORRELATION I see with the number of partners one has had and having a happily-ever-after life. But I do see a correlation between knowing what you want and making smart decisions and choosing a compatible person.

Stupid numbers game was started by insecure men with inferiority complexes. It's about as dehumanizing and stupid and putting a moral value on a man just based on his salary (which we women are guilty of, btw).

Interesting that it was your friends shaming you like that. Females?



and again, I know people love to bash me for starting this thread - but its almost 30 pages in a just a few days. People obviously have emotions and thoughts about it. which is why I started it. I don't care one iota what your numbers are or what you actually may or may not tell your daughters nor do I even think anyone should ever give a quota or a max unless its 0 until marriage.

the point was to discuss the whys about some number, an arbitrary number. to flesh out what motivates people and why. to see how people react. to see how people defend certain positions. to illustrate how various people of ostensibly the same cohort view things differently.

I know some of you like to have anger towards me, but if you see my goal, which was to create this dialogue - which has happened - maybe you can appreciate this mini study into sexuality.

the real moral to this thread here is that you can do whatever you want however you want. and some people may judge you for it and some may celebrate it. it may or may not impact your future success. it may or may not impact you personally. each choice has pros and cons - i.e there is not one perfect course of action

i like thinking about our collective 'morals' as a society and to wonder where they come from. what was the biological need they met? how do those needs intersect with technology today? especially reproductive technology and sexual health technology. do we overcome, evolve, what do we do? how do we counter act 10,000's of years of evolution with change in behaviors that are relatively brand new? what is that transition period like?

so thats why this thread exists. and why i chose this silly exercise, to elicit a discussion. which it did.

thank you dcum.

[Anonymous]

7. The correct answer is 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so fucking stupid. We women really can't win.

I hadn't slept with anyone in my early 20's, and neither had my roommate. Not for religious reasons, we just hadn't (OK, she had a fundamentalist period in her life and I was raised Catholic, but we were weedy and clubby at that time, and I was a mild alcoholic to boot, and we were both intensely interested in having LTR's and boyfriends, and we didn't have any religious restrictions by that point).

You wouldn't believe the ribbing and teasing we got from our peers. We were all single, newly graduated, with entry-level jobs and our own apartments, so yeah, we all knew everything about each other--including sexual histories. They would consider the grief good-natured, but it got really aggravating. I remember having lots of late-night conversations with my poor roommate, who wondered if there was something "wrong" with us. I would remind her that it was really, really, really easy for a chick to have sex, that it wasn't a poor reflection on us per se because yeah, I could fix it in a heartbeat by going to any bar and picking up some dude that very night.

Well, she couldn't handle it anymore, and just went ahead and had a one-night stand. Uh, actually, she slept with some "cute" guy right away, who promptly dumped her after one night, thereby turning it into a one-night stand. The emotional fallout was pretty awful.

So, yeah, if you DON'T sleep with anyone you're a big freaking weirdo, if you DO sleep with a lot of people, you're a dirty slut.

Do what makes you happy. I'm almost 40 now, married with kids, and there is NO CORRELATION I see with the number of partners one has had and having a happily-ever-after life. But I do see a correlation between knowing what you want and making smart decisions and choosing a compatible person.

Stupid numbers game was started by insecure men with inferiority complexes. It's about as dehumanizing and stupid and putting a moral value on a man just based on his salary (which we women are guilty of, btw).

Interesting that it was your friends shaming you like that. Females?



and again, I know people love to bash me for starting this thread - but its almost 30 pages in a just a few days. People obviously have emotions and thoughts about it. which is why I started it. I don't care one iota what your numbers are or what you actually may or may not tell your daughters nor do I even think anyone should ever give a quota or a max unless its 0 until marriage.

the point was to discuss the whys about some number, an arbitrary number. to flesh out what motivates people and why. to see how people react. to see how people defend certain positions. to illustrate how various people of ostensibly the same cohort view things differently.

I know some of you like to have anger towards me, but if you see my goal, which was to create this dialogue - which has happened - maybe you can appreciate this mini study into sexuality.

the real moral to this thread here is that you can do whatever you want however you want. and some people may judge you for it and some may celebrate it. it may or may not impact your future success. it may or may not impact you personally. each choice has pros and cons - i.e there is not one perfect course of action

i like thinking about our collective 'morals' as a society and to wonder where they come from. what was the biological need they met? how do those needs intersect with technology today? especially reproductive technology and sexual health technology. do we overcome, evolve, what do we do? how do we counter act 10,000's of years of evolution with change in behaviors that are relatively brand new? what is that transition period like?

so thats why this thread exists. and why i chose this silly exercise, to elicit a discussion. which it did.

thank you dcum.

Conducting studies on people without their informed consent is deceptive and unethical.

You really are a scumbag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so fucking stupid. We women really can't win.

I hadn't slept with anyone in my early 20's, and neither had my roommate. Not for religious reasons, we just hadn't (OK, she had a fundamentalist period in her life and I was raised Catholic, but we were weedy and clubby at that time, and I was a mild alcoholic to boot, and we were both intensely interested in having LTR's and boyfriends, and we didn't have any religious restrictions by that point).

You wouldn't believe the ribbing and teasing we got from our peers. We were all single, newly graduated, with entry-level jobs and our own apartments, so yeah, we all knew everything about each other--including sexual histories. They would consider the grief good-natured, but it got really aggravating. I remember having lots of late-night conversations with my poor roommate, who wondered if there was something "wrong" with us. I would remind her that it was really, really, really easy for a chick to have sex, that it wasn't a poor reflection on us per se because yeah, I could fix it in a heartbeat by going to any bar and picking up some dude that very night.

Well, she couldn't handle it anymore, and just went ahead and had a one-night stand. Uh, actually, she slept with some "cute" guy right away, who promptly dumped her after one night, thereby turning it into a one-night stand. The emotional fallout was pretty awful.

So, yeah, if you DON'T sleep with anyone you're a big freaking weirdo, if you DO sleep with a lot of people, you're a dirty slut.

Do what makes you happy. I'm almost 40 now, married with kids, and there is NO CORRELATION I see with the number of partners one has had and having a happily-ever-after life. But I do see a correlation between knowing what you want and making smart decisions and choosing a compatible person.

Stupid numbers game was started by insecure men with inferiority complexes. It's about as dehumanizing and stupid and putting a moral value on a man just based on his salary (which we women are guilty of, btw).

Interesting that it was your friends shaming you like that. Females?



and again, I know people love to bash me for starting this thread - but its almost 30 pages in a just a few days. People obviously have emotions and thoughts about it. which is why I started it. I don't care one iota what your numbers are or what you actually may or may not tell your daughters nor do I even think anyone should ever give a quota or a max unless its 0 until marriage.

the point was to discuss the whys about some number, an arbitrary number. to flesh out what motivates people and why. to see how people react. to see how people defend certain positions. to illustrate how various people of ostensibly the same cohort view things differently.

I know some of you like to have anger towards me, but if you see my goal, which was to create this dialogue - which has happened - maybe you can appreciate this mini study into sexuality.

the real moral to this thread here is that you can do whatever you want however you want. and some people may judge you for it and some may celebrate it. it may or may not impact your future success. it may or may not impact you personally. each choice has pros and cons - i.e there is not one perfect course of action

i like thinking about our collective 'morals' as a society and to wonder where they come from. what was the biological need they met? how do those needs intersect with technology today? especially reproductive technology and sexual health technology. do we overcome, evolve, what do we do? how do we counter act 10,000's of years of evolution with change in behaviors that are relatively brand new? what is that transition period like?

so thats why this thread exists. and why i chose this silly exercise, to elicit a discussion. which it did.

thank you dcum.

Conducting studies on people without their informed consent is deceptive and unethical.

You really are a scumbag.

HAHA are you serious?

its not a STUDY but an exercise, something to do, an experience, you know - a conversation