How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all of the people piling on OP about not thinking about researching college financial aid years in advance, I’m guessing that OP and her exDH may not have gone to college and didn’t realize how many years of saving and how tangled the financial aid process is. Should OP try to take a more active role in helping her DD find money for school? Of course, but it’s just as much the bio dad’s fault that OP’s daughter is in this predicament. He should not get off scot free here.

And if OP's post indicated that she was at all sorry that she put her DD in this situation, there might be less piling on. But basically, she screwed her DD to benefit herself, and wants her DD to shut the heck up about it. The way that DD is being treated in this family is terrible and she has every right to be p*ssed. I understand that OP is concerned that her DD is going to wreck her relationships with these people but it is not at all clear to me why DD should care about that at all.

Well since it’s just happenstance that they even know them no big loss if the relationship is wrecked

lol, right? Just happenstance. OP just accidentally got married and put her dd in this position and is telling her to just deal and be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all of the people piling on OP about not thinking about researching college financial aid years in advance, I’m guessing that OP and her exDH may not have gone to college and didn’t realize how many years of saving and how tangled the financial aid process is. Should OP try to take a more active role in helping her DD find money for school? Of course, but it’s just as much the bio dad’s fault that OP’s daughter is in this predicament. He should not get off scot free here.

And if OP's post indicated that she was at all sorry that she put her DD in this situation, there might be less piling on. But basically, she screwed her DD to benefit herself, and wants her DD to shut the heck up about it. The way that DD is being treated in this family is terrible and she has every right to be p*ssed. I understand that OP is concerned that her DD is going to wreck her relationships with these people but it is not at all clear to me why DD should care about that at all.

Well since it’s just happenstance that they even know them no big loss if the relationship is wrecked

We just happen to know some rich people who travel, don't need loans for fancy schools and have the latest iphone... but I have to tell my DD that we don't have that kind of money. (That makes sense). Oh, but the rich people we happen to know, I married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to OP?

She originally posted expecting to get sympathy and is unwilling to accept the broad consensus that she is in the wrong

I mean, yes. You are exactly right. She is ripping her own dd apart for what? 17-year dd fibbed and she is disappointed in her own child? For not being super nice to her stepsisters? For not being understanding how in the same family kids get to go wherever and she is an ungrateful brat, according to op, for not taking loans for local in-state school? OP is a selfish douche who put her own needs before the needs of her child. She is blaming the victim! Who is her own child! Appalling lack of any motherly affection, care, or understanding.

m

NP. I actually do think it’s entitled and bratty to have such a bad attitude about attending an in state school.

I’m surprised so many posters are overlooking this. Mom messed up by not considering the financial implications of marrying and signing a prenup.

But DD should be grateful if they pay for her to go to UMD.

Getting in to a rinky dink SLAC is difficult. Does OPs daughter have some major hooks? Plus the tough Classes, grades, scores, ECs to pass a first glance?

Agree and had asked this question earlier. I'm assuming OP and step dad didn't pay for expensive enrichment, tutoring, test prep. Schools like Swarthmore and Williams have an 8-12 percent admittance rate.

[Anonymous]

you can emanicipate your daughter and she will then qualify for financial aid.

[Anonymous]

OP - maybe just piling on but your marriage has cost your daughter need-based financial aid. She wants to apply to schools that are need blind and meet full financial need, so your daughter could have attended with no or minimal debt if she got in and they were looking solely at your income. Your increase in income from your marriage screwed her and may cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. She is not making this up, it is the fact. Own how your choices have directly impacted your daughter and not in a good way.

You should be incredibly proud of how hard your daughter has worked if she is in a position to be competitive for these schools.

Your college savings would be amazing if you had your former income. You undermined the value of what you did by your marriage. Do you feel like this is fair to your child?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why your daughter can’t take out loans. Is she planning on supporting you and your husband in your old age? If no, then she needs to figure out her own college payment plan.

[Anonymous]

This could be an option for your daughter, OP, depending on how she feels. Hopefully she gets excited about getting away from this so called "family" as far as she can.

https://www.edmit.me/blog/countries-with-free-or-virtually-free-college-tuition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your daughter can’t take out loans. Is she planning on supporting you and your husband in your old age? If no, then she needs to figure out her own college payment plan.

There is a limit on the loans that a student can take out without her parents cosigning. It's about 1 year of instate tuition. Usually students who need more than than that qualify for grants, but she doesn't because her mother is married.

But a student can't just take out 90K in loans. It doesn't work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can emanicipate your daughter and she will then qualify for financial aid.

After she turns 23. Otherwise this is a myth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your daughter can’t take out loans. Is she planning on supporting you and your husband in your old age? If no, then she needs to figure out her own college payment plan.

Right, because there are so many options for an 18 year old to take out 100,000K plus in loans without a co-signer.

[Anonymous]

What kind of marriage is that that you keep your finances separate and your parenting separate ?

This doesn’t sound like a family.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you can’t afford any college, not just private ones.

Well, just tell DD the truth - her parents are financially irresponsible and are not able to provide her with good education; she will have to start out with a huge debt that will take the rest of her life to pay off and hopefully not grow up to be like her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 19:04. If Op is only willing to give her dd $30,000 and nothing more, then her dd would be better off going to Montgomery College for 2 years (or longer) and working to save money (assuming op and stepdad will continue to let her live at home since op made the point that she could live there during breaks and summer - isn’t that a given?). This would give dd the ability to get her gen ed credits out of the way and save money so that she could transfer to a 4 year school. It doesn’t sound like op will take out any parent plus loans nor will she ask her husband to loan the money to dd at a low or no interest rate (as someone else suggested). I’m not even sure if dd could take out all of the loans she would need without op co-signing and based on her attitude, I doubt she would do that. Dd likely knows all this (and op doesn’t). Dd knows there is no way she can go away to college with $30,000 so that’s why she is miserable bc op doesn’t understand. That was a lot of money when we parents were in college but it barely cracks a dent now sad to say at a school like UMD. There is nothing wrong with Montgomery College - but she wants to get away from you and her stepdad. It’s clear you both don’t want her around. Try to help her make that happen instead of treating her like a pariah in her own house. Explain why she is so upset to her stepsisters and her stepdad so maybe they will have a little empathy for her.

There's no way her daughter can take out the necessary loans without a co-signer.

[Anonymous]

Is step dad willing to be a co signer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 19:04. If Op is only willing to give her dd $30,000 and nothing more, then her dd would be better off going to Montgomery College for 2 years (or longer) and working to save money (assuming op and stepdad will continue to let her live at home since op made the point that she could live there during breaks and summer - isn’t that a given?). This would give dd the ability to get her gen ed credits out of the way and save money so that she could transfer to a 4 year school. It doesn’t sound like op will take out any parent plus loans nor will she ask her husband to loan the money to dd at a low or no interest rate (as someone else suggested). I’m not even sure if dd could take out all of the loans she would need without op co-signing and based on her attitude, I doubt she would do that. Dd likely knows all this (and op doesn’t). Dd knows there is no way she can go away to college with $30,000 so that’s why she is miserable bc op doesn’t understand. That was a lot of money when we parents were in college but it barely cracks a dent now sad to say at a school like UMD. There is nothing wrong with Montgomery College - but she wants to get away from you and her stepdad. It’s clear you both don’t want her around. Try to help her make that happen instead of treating her like a pariah in her own house. Explain why she is so upset to her stepsisters and her stepdad so maybe they will have a little empathy for her.

There's no way her daughter can take out the necessary loans without a co-signer.

This is how much a student can take out with out a cosigner:
Year
Dependent Students

First-Year Undergraduate Annual Loan Limit
$5,500-No more than $3,500 of this amount may be in subsidized loans.
Second-Year Undergraduate Annual Loan Limit
$6,500-No more than $4,500 of this amount may be in subsidized loans.
Third Year and Beyond Undergraduate Annual Loan Limit
$7,500 per year-No more than $5,500 of this amount may be in subsidized loans.