How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you can emanicipate your daughter and she will then qualify for financial aid.

After she turns 23. Otherwise this is a myth.

Emancipated minors are considered independent students and do not need to provide parental info: https://studentaid.gov/help-center/answers/article/emancipated-minor

However, schools are not required to meet the estimated need demonstrated on the FAFSA (as pointed out by PP) and may request additional information if the situation seems suspect. Getting emancipated minor status is not a given. I can't see a judge deciding that a child living in the family home, doing well at school, involved in the community needs or should have emancipated status.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I missed it, but what would happen if OP released primary (or sole) custody over to her ExH? Would her new husband's income still count against DD's financial aid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could be an option for your daughter, OP, depending on how she feels. Hopefully she gets excited about getting away from this so called "family" as far as she can.

https://www.edmit.me/blog/countries-with-free-or-virtually-free-college-tuition

off topic, but this list underscores the insanity we live with in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I missed it, but what would happen if OP released primary (or sole) custody over to her ExH? Would her new husband's income still count against DD's financial aid?[/quote

I think it's probably too late for that unless Dad has been claiming her on taxes. If all of their paperwork shows that mom is custodial parent that will be hard to come. And the FAFSA now uses prior prior taxes. Personally, I would try it if I was out of good options but it's not a sure thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - maybe just piling on but your marriage has cost your daughter need-based financial aid. She wants to apply to schools that are need blind and meet full financial need, so your daughter could have attended with no or minimal debt if she got in and they were looking solely at your income. Your increase in income from your marriage screwed her and may cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. She is not making this up, it is the fact. Own how your choices have directly impacted your daughter and not in a good way.

You should be incredibly proud of how hard your daughter has worked if she is in a position to be competitive for these schools.

Your college savings would be amazing if you had your former income. You undermined the value of what you did by your marriage. Do you feel like this is fair to your child?

OP doesn’t care about any of that. She’s just interested in keeping the rich guy happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of marriage is that that you keep your finances separate and your parenting separate ?

This doesn’t sound like a family.

It’s not. OP got what she wants, her daughter can fend for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, the situation is what it is. She has 30k she can decide what to do with. The rest is up to her. That’s not going to change unless she gets a scholarship.

Mostly, I want to know what to say to her to get her to stop lashing out at her step siblings and my H. I’ve tried talking to her and get nowhere.

So that’s it $30K and you wash your hands. No food, no shelter?

Yea you are a b*tch.

Of course she is welcome to live here during the summer or school breaks. When did I say she wasn’t?? I’m not “washing my hands” I’m trying to get her to see that 30k is a good deal if the way towards paying for UMD.

You don’t think it’s entitled that she expects more?

She is not expecting more, she is expecting equal to her stepsiblings. How do you and your husband negotiate other things? Does she routinely get less for holidays and birthdays because she is 'only' his stepchild? In a way, you and DD were a package deal, you need to talk to your husband. Have you asked him if he would be willing to help her at all? Does he understand how she feels? You do not, so I would suspect that he has no clue either. You can't be part of one family and expect her part of another. You have a melting pot of family so you and DH need to sit down and hash out expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.

This. She went 0 for 2.

Divorce for kids stinks. I would not have remarried, until she was in college, under these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I missed it, but what would happen if OP released primary (or sole) custody over to her ExH? Would her new husband's income still count against DD's financial aid?

Consult with actual financial aid officers.

Just because a parent does not WANT to pay for an expensive, doesn't mean they are off the hook to pay. Why should the college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.

This. She went 0 for 2.

Divorce for kids stinks. I would not have remarried, until she was in college, under these circumstances.

+1 I'm on the low end of HHI for DCUM and my kids will be doing community college for 2 years (oldest is already doing it) and then transferring to a university. We're pretty thrifty and our kids have been working since they were 15. So, I'm all about living within your means, avoiding unnecessary debt and making prudent choices. I get that's what OP wants for her DD but it's also quite clear her DD is the only one not benefitting from the remarriage of both her parents. I don't blame her DD for being bitter and angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.

This. She went 0 for 2.

Divorce for kids stinks. I would not have remarried, until she was in college, under these circumstances.

+1 I'm on the low end of HHI for DCUM and my kids will be doing community college for 2 years (oldest is already doing it) and then transferring to a university. We're pretty thrifty and our kids have been working since they were 15. So, I'm all about living within your means, avoiding unnecessary debt and making prudent choices. I get that's what OP wants for her DD but it's also quite clear her DD is the only one not benefitting from the remarriage of both her parents. I don't blame her DD for being bitter and angry.

...and OP is unwilling to discuss this with her new DH and just wants her DD to get over it...smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Some of these responses trashing OP sound privileged AF.

OP has no obligation to pay for her daughter's college, let alone an expensive one. I understand it looks unfair because the step siblings are going where they want to, but that's life. If OP had come on here saying she asked her husband to pay for her daughter's college, he refused and now she's resentful, there would be SO many responses saying OP's husband isn't the dad and has no responsibility, blah, blah, blah. Get real.

OP, I grew up poor with five other siblings and parents didn't have anything saved for college. I applaud you for having $30k saved. I was working 25+ hours in high-school from the time I was 16, then full-time while in college. I went to a commuter school, had some loans, and had to pay them off. Such is life. Can't always get what you want.

True. Now imagine if your mom married someone rich. And you still were on the hook for your school $.

[Anonymous]

Not sure very one has six figures saved for college. And the step siblings have a rich mom who contribute
S to what they get.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird OP is afraid to talk to HER HUSBAND about this? Like how can you get naked with someone on the regular, but be weirded out by asking basic questions?

It's not that hard. "Hey babe, because of your income, DD doesn't qualify for financial aid. Here's what she would be getting if we weren't married, and here's what she will get now. Think we can figure out a way to make up the difference?"

Pro Tip: ask right after really mind-blowing sex. I've gotten mine to agree to get married, have another baby, and get a puppy by timing my questions jjjjuuuussstttt right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were legal immigrants here and we had absolutely nothing. I picked the college I wanted, the city I wanted, and when I got in, I went to that college. I worked, I borrowed money under my name, and got grants and scholarships and whatever I could scrape. I had a ton of loans but I’m paying them off.

Your daughter isn’t unhappy that DH isn’t paying for her, deep down she’s unhappy because by your actions and words you are forcing her to pick going to a college she doesn’t want to go. Young people don’t get the impact of loans, but they’re young, let them choose their path and you gave your advice. You should simply say pick the school you want, I’ll contribute what I can, ans the rest will be loans you’ll have to pay. Support her on her decision. Stop focusing on the step family and telling her to go to UMD. She wants a fun college a great name college a place she’s be proud and happy at. Give your advice about loans ans then let her go forth with that decision.

I could have written this myself. This is also my exact story. I paid my student loans off (grad school included)to a brand name expensive private college in about 7 years. With lots and lots of sacrifice. I made my decisions, went where I wanted to go, was and am happy with my choice. I would have been miserable with parents foreclosing my opportunities. Have someone teach her about personal finance and effects loans will have on her, but in no way should she be prohibited from schools she has a decent shot of being accepted into. It seems your attitude and approach to this step family situation may be the root of much blame I dare say.