Daughter dating 31 year old man

[Anonymous]

Creepy. People usually don’t date that much younger because the younger person is mature, but because the younger person is naïve and the older one can get away with acting worse.

If your gut tells you he is sleezy I would say something, just something really supportive but that shows concern. Not because it would change what she is doing, but because if it ends badly, she won’t have to think “why didn’t my own mother warn me?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd be more concerned about their long term marriage if your 31 yr old is immature and engaged.

I didn’t say he was immature. He is college professor and Captain in the National Guard. He is a combat vet X3. Very smart. Very successful. But definitely ADHD. She has the maturity of someone well over her age. Sometimes age really is just a number.

Respectfully, I’d be more concerned that she will outgrow him as she enters her mid-20s....and she should, tbh. Her parents are right to be concerned because the gap at that stage of life is too great. She will mature and change and the things that attracted her young heart to him at 19 and now at 23 will not find them so endearing in her late 20s and 30s. It doesn’t matter that her parents adore him (he’s probably great!—I’m not doubting that!) But please try not to blame her when she grows into a woman and no longer has the same thoughts and desires and attraction of her child self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be concerned, but don't say anything.

You can't control her from afar. But this is often the MO for predators (i.e., date much younger women, who are easy to impress/control).

If she is doing it for money, I would worry about her self esteem.

I am sorry, and would share your concern. Does she have a direction in life (like goals for herself)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd be more concerned about their long term marriage if your 31 yr old is immature and engaged.

I didn’t say he was immature. He is college professor and Captain in the National Guard. He is a combat vet X3. Very smart. Very successful. But definitely ADHD. She has the maturity of someone well over her age. Sometimes age really is just a number.

Sure, because she’s 23 now. A mature for her age 23 yo is fine with a less mature for his age 31 yo. I was her. The problem is that by her late 20s she will be WAY more mature than he is and frustrated by his ADHD. BTDT. We are pretty happy 20 yrs out but it was rocky for a while. He’s matured a lot, but honestly, this same woman, if she were 30 now, probably wouldn’t date him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd be more concerned about their long term marriage if your 31 yr old is immature and engaged.

I didn’t say he was immature. He is college professor and Captain in the National Guard. He is a combat vet X3. Very smart. Very successful. But definitely ADHD. She has the maturity of someone well over her age. Sometimes age really is just a number.

Sure, because she’s 23 now. A mature for her age 23 yo is fine with a less mature for his age 31 yo. I was her. The problem is that by her late 20s she will be WAY more mature than he is and frustrated by his ADHD. BTDT. We are pretty happy 20 yrs out but it was rocky for a while. He’s matured a lot, but honestly, this same woman, if she were 30 now, probably wouldn’t date him.

+1 exactly

Wait till the kids come along, and she'll be posting on here about how her DH is a man/child. Your son's GF is probably mothering him. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

Do you know how she defines "partying?" The girl is not old enough to legally drink, let alone use drugs. I would be very concerned.

If she is still in college, how are her grades? Her emotional health?

[Anonymous]

Daddy dom/Little girl dynamic. Your daughter is probably into some kinky stuff.

Isn’t the internet amazing? 10 bucks says she met him on a hookup app or website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

The story is very similar.

And your version of how this all went down is not exactly objective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd be more concerned about their long term marriage if your 31 yr old is immature and engaged.

I didn’t say he was immature. He is college professor and Captain in the National Guard. He is a combat vet X3. Very smart. Very successful. But definitely ADHD. She has the maturity of someone well over her age. Sometimes age really is just a number.

Sure, because she’s 23 now. A mature for her age 23 yo is fine with a less mature for his age 31 yo. I was her. The problem is that by her late 20s she will be WAY more mature than he is and frustrated by his ADHD. BTDT. We are pretty happy 20 yrs out but it was rocky for a while. He’s matured a lot, but honestly, this same woman, if she were 30 now, probably wouldn’t date him.

+1 exactly

Wait till the kids come along, and she'll be posting on here about how her DH is a man/child. Your son's GF is probably mothering him. Gross.

Wow. How hurtful. I certainly hope that’s not the case. I will never understand why people on dcum enjoy trying to hurt complete strangers. I’m excited for my son and his beautiful fiancé. I hope they are as happy as my DH and I are after 35 years of marriage.

I gently suggest you ask yourself why you felt the need to comment with “gross”. It kinda says a lot about how your own life must feel.

[Anonymous]

My parents would have zero problem saying cut the crap. I was a sophomore in college at 19 and that’s creepy as f...ck.

She should be enjoying college life but hanging out with creepy old dudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

Do you know how she defines "partying?" The girl is not old enough to legally drink, let alone use drugs. I would be very concerned.

If she is still in college, how are her grades? Her emotional health?

+1,000,000

Not. This is a hard no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my husband at 19 and we’re 19 years apart. Sometimes, it works.

Still yuck especially if you were `19. Think of a man looking at a baby and saying I can't wait to date her in 18 years!

Go away with that nonsense. It’s not remotely the same.

- NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

What she said to you is concerning. Not sure if she is trying to get a rise out of you or if she is that immature/naïve, even for her age. Stay calm, figure out what the deal is with them. Best case scenario he is using her for sex and she is experimenting with an older guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd be more concerned about their long term marriage if your 31 yr old is immature and engaged.

I didn’t say he was immature. He is college professor and Captain in the National Guard. He is a combat vet X3. Very smart. Very successful. But definitely ADHD. She has the maturity of someone well over her age. Sometimes age really is just a number.

Sure, because she’s 23 now. A mature for her age 23 yo is fine with a less mature for his age 31 yo. I was her. The problem is that by her late 20s she will be WAY more mature than he is and frustrated by his ADHD. BTDT. We are pretty happy 20 yrs out but it was rocky for a while. He’s matured a lot, but honestly, this same woman, if she were 30 now, probably wouldn’t date him.

+1 exactly

Wait till the kids come along, and she'll be posting on here about how her DH is a man/child. Your son's GF is probably mothering him. Gross.

Wow. How hurtful. I certainly hope that’s not the case. I will never understand why people on dcum enjoy trying to hurt complete strangers. I’m excited for my son and his beautiful fiancé. I hope they are as happy as my DH and I are after 35 years of marriage.

I gently suggest you ask yourself why you felt the need to comment with “gross”. It kinda says a lot about how your own life must feel.

A wife mothering her immature husband is gross, irrespective of his or her age.

How bad can his ADHD be if he's a captain in the military and he teaches? Perhaps you are making some excuses for him.

My DH and I have been married for 20 years. No way in h3ll would I want a husband to have to manage or mother. We have two kids, btw. I saw this kind of thing play out with my brother. His wife has to mother him becaue he's "immature", and my mother made excuses for his immaturity all throughout his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd be more concerned about their long term marriage if your 31 yr old is immature and engaged.

I didn’t say he was immature. He is college professor and Captain in the National Guard. He is a combat vet X3. Very smart. Very successful. But definitely ADHD. She has the maturity of someone well over her age. Sometimes age really is just a number.

Sure, because she’s 23 now. A mature for her age 23 yo is fine with a less mature for his age 31 yo. I was her. The problem is that by her late 20s she will be WAY more mature than he is and frustrated by his ADHD. BTDT. We are pretty happy 20 yrs out but it was rocky for a while. He’s matured a lot, but honestly, this same woman, if she were 30 now, probably wouldn’t date him.

+1 exactly

Wait till the kids come along, and she'll be posting on here about how her DH is a man/child. Your son's GF is probably mothering him. Gross.

I dont think it's a big deal IF she waits to have kids. I had plenty of girlfriends who married in their early 20s and divorced around 30 without kids. They're now married with kids in better marriages but there was really very little lost in choosing to divorce.