Daughter dating 31 year old man

[Anonymous]

I learned that my 19 year old daughter is dating/hooking up with a 31 year old man. She seems to be developing feelings for him but I am concerned. Do I say anything?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be concerned.

[Anonymous]

my current SIL did this when she was 20 and moved in with the guy. From the stories I heard, my MIL went ballistic and SIL cut her off. Eventually she left the guy and smoothed things over with MIL, but my SIL said at that young age her mother's reaction just pushed her further into the guys arms.

I'd say you can mention it, let her know you are there if she needs you and let her come to her own conclusions that he is probably not the best match for her.

on the other hand, my parents were 20 years apart and married for 50+ years, so who knows!

[Anonymous]

Just make sure she is not a sugar baby.

[Anonymous]

She's probably a sugar baby.

[Anonymous]

Be concerned, but don't say anything.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband at 19 and we’re 19 years apart. Sometimes, it works.

[Anonymous]

Ask her if he treats her well/respects her and if she is happy. Invite them to dinner or to your home so you can get to know him and see their interaction. I would be concerned but wouldn’t criticize without knowing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her if he treats her well/respects her and if she is happy. Invite them to dinner or to your home so you can get to know him and see their interaction. I would be concerned but wouldn’t criticize without knowing more.

I doubt the sugar daddy wants to come over for dinner.

[Anonymous]

I dated a 32 year old guy when I was 22. I was in my first year of grad school and lived and worked as an RA in a dorm. He was an adult living on his own. In retrospect, I can see how insecure and immature this man was, but I don't think he was taking advantage of me in a calculated way. I think he was simply unable to connect with adult independent women in his own age range and life phase.

He didn't treat me very well, and I think only a very young and inexperienced woman like I was then would have put up with this. I kept trying to change myself to make it work with him, partly because it was my first "real" relationship and I looked up to him so much/thought he was so amazing.

There wasn't anything anyone could say to persuade me it was a bad idea to date him. My 21-22 year old friends were all dating young guys in our age group and I had convinced myself I was dating a "real adult" man, complete with his own home and a real job, etc. I don't think there is much you can do for your daughter except to be there for the eventual breakup. For her sake, I hope it happens soon.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

This is a pretty strange thing to tell your mom. Sounds like either she's a sugar baby or he's her drug dealer. Either way, her telling you like this is definitely designed to elicit a reaction on your part. Try to resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

Hopefully she’s on birth control. Has she done drugs for a long time?

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned. While it's not shocking or unheard of, there are red flags in these situations. 19 is barely an adult. I would be concerned that he can easily manipulate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

Is she taking drugs? I’d be more concerned about this. How’s the rest of her life?