Daughter dating 31 year old man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you sexualizing a 19 year old girl on an anonymous forum. Are you some appalling perv? Make sure to register for the sex offender list on the way out!

That is an adult, not a "girl"

Isn’t it 19-year-old vagina-haver?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best diet: eat a lot less of the things you truly like to eat. Eat more of the health things that are high volume/low calorie

good advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. She says it's not serious and he likes to stop by in the evenings so they can "party" together. I was very careful to not say anything that sounded disapproving although I can't help but cringe.

I did stuff like this when I was 19, but I most certainly would NOT have EVER told my mom!!! Just that one year, I dated 3 different men between ages 29 and 36. I grew out of it by the time I was 21 and went back to dating guys my own age. (Well, mostly my age ... DH is 5 years older than me)

So at least she is being open and honest with you, for whatever that is worth.

I think you are right to be concerned, but don't make too big a deal over it. Just state your concerns and move on. If she's looking to get a reaction from you, giving her one will only encourage her.

[Anonymous]

What 31 year old wants to party with a 19 year old? She’s not old enough to drink. So is he drinking with her and taking advantage of her while drunk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What 31 year old wants to party with a 19 year old? She’s not old enough to drink. So is he drinking with her and taking advantage of her while drunk?

+1. Anyone who is 31 is preying on a 19yo. Unacceptable.

This happened to someone in my extended family and the parents did nothing. She ended up with lots of trauma from sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What 31 year old wants to party with a 19 year old? She’s not old enough to drink. So is he drinking with her and taking advantage of her while drunk?

LOL, at LOT of them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.

+1. Let it run its course. Getting involved in your kid's love life is a BAD idea. My parents cut me off at 19 when they found out I was dating my college boyfriend (different race). We were just having fun. When they cut me off, they made it into this serious thing. We were then together 6 years (which we should not have been). Broke up at 25. My parents and I did not speak for years and barely speak now more than 20 years later. Stay out of it. Let it run its natural course. Unlikely to be serious unless you get involved.

So kinda doesn’t seem like the relationship with him was really worth being so stubborn about does it? But it’s obvious you’ve framed it as a race issue here to justify making them the villains in your story—but I wonder why you’d be speaking to them AT ALL if it were really the case that they were horrible racists ????
Maybe, just maybe, your parents who love you more than life itself were lovingly concerned about you and wanted the best for their precious daughter.
It’s tough as a parent to know what to do when you see your young-adult child making poor decisions to link her life to someone who isn’t good for her. In your case it sounds like their decision to draw a hard line backfired spectacularly. Not just on them....but for you too. And that’s a shame. If they are not the raging racists that you implied, I hope in time you’ll be able to view their actions through a different lens and forgive them for the way they tried to steer you away from the bad relationship. After all, seems like it turned out you admit that they were right about you not being a good match.

Wow. You are nuts. Truly. The relationship ended because we met too young and wanted to explore our own lives. It was the best relationship I had. Ever. In my life. I did not want to get married before 30. He wanted to get married. I ended it. We had different aspirations about where to live and that was part of it. My parents did a horrible thing. They should be asking for MY forgiveness. They put me in debt of 70k by 1999 because they would not contribute to my education. I was not able to make a choice to pursue professional school because of debt. They should not have gotten involved with my relationship or taken away my career choices or put me in debt for refusing to contribute to college. I could not get grants or a lot of federal aid because of their income. If parents don't pay, the kid has to make up the difference...so I went to Chase bank to take out personal loans becuase I could not get it covered by federal aid no matter what institution I attended (I had a scholarship but I still needed more money to pay for it). They were not trying to steer me from a bad relationship--it wasn't bad. We met in college. Parents should not get invovled in adults' love lives or punish them...that says to me, you are controlling and have no love for your child. I was not making a bad decision...they guy just happened to be a different race. I barely speak to them today...more than 20 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What 31 year old wants to party with a 19 year old? She’s not old enough to drink. So is he drinking with her and taking advantage of her while drunk?

+1. Anyone who is 31 is preying on a 19yo. Unacceptable.

This happened to someone in my extended family and the parents did nothing. She ended up with lots of trauma from sexual abuse.

What! No way, not always. I dated a man 15 years older than me when I was 22. We were together for 4 years and he was not preying on me. If anything I look back fondly on that time as he taught me to enjoy sex and life a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, why are you sexualizing a 19 year old girl on an anonymous forum. Are you some appalling perv? Make sure to register for the sex offender list on the way out!

That is an adult, not a "girl"

You don't think that there is a different stage of adulthood? That a 31 year old should not be interested in a person who is barely an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What 31 year old wants to party with a 19 year old? She’s not old enough to drink. So is he drinking with her and taking advantage of her while drunk?

+1. Anyone who is 31 is preying on a 19yo. Unacceptable.

This happened to someone in my extended family and the parents did nothing. She ended up with lots of trauma from sexual abuse.

What! No way, not always. I dated a man 15 years older than me when I was 22. We were together for 4 years and he was not preying on me. If anything I look back fondly on that time as he taught me to enjoy sex and life a bit.

So you would be ok if your dd dated a man that is that old? Something is wrong with that man.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that the 19 year old is a teenager. If she were 20 or 21 it would be less of an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that the 19 year old is a teenager. If she were 20 or 21 it would be less of an issue.

if you're over 30 and you take a date out to a nice dinner and they have to order virgin martinis, it's still an issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd side-eye my 27-year-old son if he were dating a 19-year-old. I'm not saying it can't work, but not going to lie, that sort of age difference at 19 really matters.

[Anonymous]

OP, party means, at the very least, drinking alcohol and smoking pot. It could mean a lot more. They probably hook up.

I highly doubt he is a functioning member of society w/ a decent job, which is fine if your daughter is treated well, having fun, and using condoms. But, um, what's your daughter like? She probably likes the free booze. I knew I did at the age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.

+1. Let it run its course. Getting involved in your kid's love life is a BAD idea. My parents cut me off at 19 when they found out I was dating my college boyfriend (different race). We were just having fun. When they cut me off, they made it into this serious thing. We were then together 6 years (which we should not have been). Broke up at 25. My parents and I did not speak for years and barely speak now more than 20 years later. Stay out of it. Let it run its natural course. Unlikely to be serious unless you get involved.

So kinda doesn’t seem like the relationship with him was really worth being so stubborn about does it? But it’s obvious you’ve framed it as a race issue here to justify making them the villains in your story—but I wonder why you’d be speaking to them AT ALL if it were really the case that they were horrible racists ????
Maybe, just maybe, your parents who love you more than life itself were lovingly concerned about you and wanted the best for their precious daughter.
It’s tough as a parent to know what to do when you see your young-adult child making poor decisions to link her life to someone who isn’t good for her. In your case it sounds like their decision to draw a hard line backfired spectacularly. Not just on them....but for you too. And that’s a shame. If they are not the raging racists that you implied, I hope in time you’ll be able to view their actions through a different lens and forgive them for the way they tried to steer you away from the bad relationship. After all, seems like it turned out you admit that they were right about you not being a good match.

You have no idea the misery you caused your parents. No idea.