Daughter dating 31 year old man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.

+1. Let it run its course. Getting involved in your kid's love life is a BAD idea. My parents cut me off at 19 when they found out I was dating my college boyfriend (different race). We were just having fun. When they cut me off, they made it into this serious thing. We were then together 6 years (which we should not have been). Broke up at 25. My parents and I did not speak for years and barely speak now more than 20 years later. Stay out of it. Let it run its natural course. Unlikely to be serious unless you get involved.

So kinda doesn’t seem like the relationship with him was really worth being so stubborn about does it? But it’s obvious you’ve framed it as a race issue here to justify making them the villains in your story—but I wonder why you’d be speaking to them AT ALL if it were really the case that they were horrible racists ????
Maybe, just maybe, your parents who love you more than life itself were lovingly concerned about you and wanted the best for their precious daughter.
It’s tough as a parent to know what to do when you see your young-adult child making poor decisions to link her life to someone who isn’t good for her. In your case it sounds like their decision to draw a hard line backfired spectacularly. Not just on them....but for you too. And that’s a shame. If they are not the raging racists that you implied, I hope in time you’ll be able to view their actions through a different lens and forgive them for the way they tried to steer you away from the bad relationship. After all, seems like it turned out you admit that they were right about you not being a good match.

You have no idea the misery you caused your parents. No idea.

They stopped paying for college because I was dating someone who looked different from them. We were just dating. I did nothing wrong. They cut ME off. You make no sense. No one should stop paying for college because their kid decided to date someone. It is ridiculous. Then they tried to play the premarital sex thing...and I reminded my mom she was 5 months pregnant with me at her wedding. What they did to me was unacceptable. I would never punish my kids for who they chose to date. There was nothing wrong with my college boyfriend whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

My wife brought home a 35 year old when she was 18; we’re close to 50 now and her family will still bring it up from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.

+1. Let it run its course. Getting involved in your kid's love life is a BAD idea. My parents cut me off at 19 when they found out I was dating my college boyfriend (different race). We were just having fun. When they cut me off, they made it into this serious thing. We were then together 6 years (which we should not have been). Broke up at 25. My parents and I did not speak for years and barely speak now more than 20 years later. Stay out of it. Let it run its natural course. Unlikely to be serious unless you get involved.

So kinda doesn’t seem like the relationship with him was really worth being so stubborn about does it? But it’s obvious you’ve framed it as a race issue here to justify making them the villains in your story—but I wonder why you’d be speaking to them AT ALL if it were really the case that they were horrible racists ????
Maybe, just maybe, your parents who love you more than life itself were lovingly concerned about you and wanted the best for their precious daughter.
It’s tough as a parent to know what to do when you see your young-adult child making poor decisions to link her life to someone who isn’t good for her. In your case it sounds like their decision to draw a hard line backfired spectacularly. Not just on them....but for you too. And that’s a shame. If they are not the raging racists that you implied, I hope in time you’ll be able to view their actions through a different lens and forgive them for the way they tried to steer you away from the bad relationship. After all, seems like it turned out you admit that they were right about you not being a good match.

You have no idea the misery you caused your parents. No idea.

They stopped paying for college because I was dating someone who looked different from them. We were just dating. I did nothing wrong. They cut ME off. You make no sense. No one should stop paying for college because their kid decided to date someone. It is ridiculous. Then they tried to play the premarital sex thing...and I reminded my mom she was 5 months pregnant with me at her wedding. What they did to me was unacceptable. I would never punish my kids for who they chose to date. There was nothing wrong with my college boyfriend whatsoever.

Why are you so entitled? Your parents don’t have to pay for your college education. You should be more grateful they paid anything with they way you disrespect and talk about them here.

[Anonymous]

She is probably using him for alcohol and drugs, and he is using her for guess what. Plenty of college age girls unfortunately do this, best to warn her against making this a serious or long term thing but just go with it for now. You don't want to force her into moving in with him or anything. Once she turns 21, or her friends do, she won't need him any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife brought home a 35 year old when she was 18; we’re close to 50 now and her family will still bring it up from time to time.

I love the Schitt’s Creek episode when “Lexie” dates the old man and her brother and parents freak out. That’s what a family should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is probably using him for alcohol and drugs, and he is using her for guess what. Plenty of college age girls unfortunately do this, best to warn her against making this a serious or long term thing but just go with it for now. You don't want to force her into moving in with him or anything. Once she turns 21, or her friends do, she won't need him any more.

WTF is this happening???

I went to VA Tech and it would be weird as f@ck if any girl in my dorm were bringing hone or dating a 31-year old. That was absolutely ancient and given the location of my university—unless it was a Prof. Unlikely to find that dynamic.

We wanted to date other college kids- not creepy men preying on college girls and were grossed out when old alumni would come back and hit on us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What 31 year old wants to party with a 19 year old? She’s not old enough to drink. So is he drinking with her and taking advantage of her while drunk?

A loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that the 19 year old is a teenager. If she were 20 or 21 it would be less of an issue.

if you're over 30 and you take a date out to a nice dinner and they have to order virgin martinis, it's still an issue

Most nice restaurants aren’t carding her.

[Anonymous]

This relationship isn’t something I’d tell my mom about! I guess it’s good you are keeping open lines of communication though and she trusts you enough to share this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think big age gaps are fine when you are a little older, say at least 23, 24. At nineteen you have done everything within the context of your parents' support. I think I would encourage DD to avoid pregnancy and stay open to "having fun" with people her age. Then I would not express disapproval again. Treat it as a non-issue after that one short conversation.

+1. Let it run its course. Getting involved in your kid's love life is a BAD idea. My parents cut me off at 19 when they found out I was dating my college boyfriend (different race). We were just having fun. When they cut me off, they made it into this serious thing. We were then together 6 years (which we should not have been). Broke up at 25. My parents and I did not speak for years and barely speak now more than 20 years later. Stay out of it. Let it run its natural course. Unlikely to be serious unless you get involved.

So kinda doesn’t seem like the relationship with him was really worth being so stubborn about does it? But it’s obvious you’ve framed it as a race issue here to justify making them the villains in your story—but I wonder why you’d be speaking to them AT ALL if it were really the case that they were horrible racists ????
Maybe, just maybe, your parents who love you more than life itself were lovingly concerned about you and wanted the best for their precious daughter.
It’s tough as a parent to know what to do when you see your young-adult child making poor decisions to link her life to someone who isn’t good for her. In your case it sounds like their decision to draw a hard line backfired spectacularly. Not just on them....but for you too. And that’s a shame. If they are not the raging racists that you implied, I hope in time you’ll be able to view their actions through a different lens and forgive them for the way they tried to steer you away from the bad relationship. After all, seems like it turned out you admit that they were right about you not being a good match.

You have no idea the misery you caused your parents. No idea.

They stopped paying for college because I was dating someone who looked different from them. We were just dating. I did nothing wrong. They cut ME off. You make no sense. No one should stop paying for college because their kid decided to date someone. It is ridiculous. Then they tried to play the premarital sex thing...and I reminded my mom she was 5 months pregnant with me at her wedding. What they did to me was unacceptable. I would never punish my kids for who they chose to date. There was nothing wrong with my college boyfriend whatsoever.

Why are you so entitled? Your parents don’t have to pay for your college education. You should be more grateful they paid anything with they way you disrespect and talk about them here.

Do you understand how federal financial aid works? There is an expected family contribution. If your parents do not contribute, the child has to cover the cost. If you are poor or low income, it does not matter. If your parents have some amount of money, you have the pay the rest unless you are 24, married or a veteran. Withholding money and making your kid take out 8% loans because they do not want you dating someone is controlling and manipulative and insane. Plus, my parents were terrible, terrible parents. I raised myself from 10 years old practicially (they were both compleletly absent). I would never punish my kid and put them in massive debt at 21 and impact their future career choices if I did not like who they were dating. It's evil. If you are 18, date who you want. Chances are, it would not be serious anyway and parents should not get involved, should not make threats, or cut their kid off because they do not like that they are dating a person they did not pick. It's nuts.

[Anonymous]

I think President Grover Cleveland was 57 when he married a 21 year old woman with her mother's blessing. They got married in the White House. They had 5 children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What 31 year old wants to party with a 19 year old? She’s not old enough to drink. So is he drinking with her and taking advantage of her while drunk?

+1. Anyone who is 31 is preying on a 19yo. Unacceptable.

This happened to someone in my extended family and the parents did nothing. She ended up with lots of trauma from sexual abuse.

What! No way, not always. I dated a man 15 years older than me when I was 22. We were together for 4 years and he was not preying on me. If anything I look back fondly on that time as he taught me to enjoy sex and life a bit.

So you would be ok if your dd dated a man that is that old? Something is wrong with that man.

I wouldn’t flat out judge him as a creep without meeting him. It is a 12 year age difference. They are having fun. So what?

[Anonymous]

Ew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that the 19 year old is a teenager. If she were 20 or 21 it would be less of an issue.

if you're over 30 and you take a date out to a nice dinner and they have to order virgin martinis, it's still an issue

Yupz

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little different, but my 31 year old son is engaged to a 23 year old. She was 19 when they started dating. Freshman in college. She is more mature than he is in many ways. Her parents were initially really concerned. They adore him now.

I'd side-eye my 27-year-old son if he were dating a 19-year-old. I'm not saying it can't work, but not going to lie, that sort of age difference at 19 really matters.

Haha same here. My son just turned 18 and has a 15 year old stalker. She's relentless. I hear pings and notifications coming from his room at 2am. He eventually told me when I asked. Of course, I had the obligatory, [/i]now that you're 18[i] talk. She asked her parents for permission to date him, although he didn't ask her to date. Thankfully, he's not that stupid. Hopefully she'll fizzle out. Sometimes, the girls are a force!