My wife cheated on me for 2 years with a co-worker...

[Anonymous]

I guess the silver lining here is that there is zero question about not divorcing. Get a lawyer, take the high road and exit the marriage as quickly and fairly as possible. Don’t waste money on her or lawyers. Mourn the past and go have a great life free from someone who does not wish you well.

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. As others said, get a lawyer. Stay in your house and don't engage with her. Don't talk about anything, everything through lawyers. She will lie and manipulate. I hope you don't have kids. Wishing you well. Life will be better on the other side of this.

[Anonymous]

Read chumplady for more advice. If you have a joint account, take out half.

[Anonymous]

A friend's wife cheated with a waiter at one of the restaurants they frequented as a family. After the friend found out about the affair and confronted his wife she sent the kids to her parent's house for the night, came on to him and he had sex with her. His lawyer told him this was often a tactic used called "condoning the affair." Meaning having sex with the spouse after finding out about infidelity put you in a worse position if you went after the spouse for infidelity in court. Apparently proof of infidelity and impact spousal support. This is all third hand since I never had any reason to ask a lawyer myself but as others have said, manipulation is a possibility. Be prepared for it to come in a wide variety of forms. So sorry, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to an attorney.

Do not move out. Record her when necessary so she can't claim a made-up abuse thing against you.

She cannot kick you out of the house. Unless it's agreed upon and she buys you out of the house, she's not getting the house.

Do not record without consent in Maryland. It is against the law.

It is illegal and you should still do it. The recorder is for when the police come. They aren't going to arrest you for owning a recorder which was accidentally turned on, and accidentally recorded you not hitting your wife.

Although illegal, my MD attorney was quite interested in listening to all the recordings I made. Now that the statute of limitations has expired, I can send the recordings to my former in-laws, former brother-in-law, etc. and they can find out how their daughter treated me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Retain lawyer.
2. Obtain a small voice recorder and keep it running and on your person 24/7. Do not use your phone. This is for when she inevitably reports you for DV.
3. Stay in the home no matter what. If you leave the house you will lose the house and probably lose your kids.
4. If it were me, I'd tell the kids mommy was a whore who broke up the marriage. I didn't do that and the kids still blame me.

Conclusion: your life will be so much better 5 years from now. Just get a vasectomy and never, ever cohabitate with a woman again.

That's exactly what I've done and life is so much better. LT GF is trying to get me to let her move in now. Nope. Nothing in that for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Retain lawyer.
2. Obtain a small voice recorder and keep it running and on your person 24/7. Do not use your phone. This is for when she inevitably reports you for DV.
3. Stay in the home no matter what. If you leave the house you will lose the house and probably lose your kids.
4. If it were me, I'd tell the kids mommy was a whore who broke up the marriage. I didn't do that and the kids still blame me.

Conclusion: your life will be so much better 5 years from now. Just get a vasectomy and never, ever cohabitate with a woman again.

That's exactly what I've done and life is so much better. LT GF is trying to get me to let her move in now. Nope. Nothing in that for me.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am the OP. Thanks for the opinions. I called a lawyer the day after she told me about the affair and wanting out of the marriage. So, I feel good about the advice I am getting. I am in the house and will not leave. I have obviously never touched her in an abusive manner, but I appreciate the fact that she may say things or coax me into something that can be perceived as threatening, but always good to keep in mind. The kids don't know about the affair yet, but they know we are heading toward divorce. So that is something else on the horizon for her when they eventually find out the truth.

I will smile and continue to take the high road in front of the kids. I won't bad mouth her or what she has done. But...I will not be pushed around by her or her new boyfriend. I have nobody waiting for me as she does with her new side piece, so I have all the time in the world.

[Anonymous]

Try and get proof she cheated on you. In the state of Virginia you will not have to pay alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try and get proof she cheated on you. In the state of Virginia you will not have to pay alimony.

This.

[Anonymous]

You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can tell the kids matter-of-factly what happened. Don’t get emotional with the kids about it, but don’t hide the facts.
Taking the high road doesn’t mean deceiving them about the facts.

“Mom decided she wanted to have a relationship with another man instead of me. That made me feel violated. We both decided it was better to get divorced because we don’t love each other as husband and wife anymore, even though we love you and want to do a good job parenting you.”

That’s it. Don’t go into more detail than that. But don’t lie by hiding the truth.

Yeah, depending on the age of the kids I think it will become readily apparent when mom is instantly shacking up with her new boyfriend.

Tweens and teens, especially....but even younger kids will wonder why mommy is with a new man and left the house (since she is the one that will have to leave if DH decides to keep the home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to an attorney.

Do not move out. Record her when necessary so she can't claim a made-up abuse thing against you.

She cannot kick you out of the house. Unless it's agreed upon and she buys you out of the house, she's not getting the house.

Do not record without consent in Maryland. It is against the law.

This. Maryland is a 2 party consent state for recording without permission. Virginia is one party, so I believe you could do it in VA as long as there is not a reasonable expectation of privacy.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children? Who does most of the child-rearing? If you, then you need to stay in the house for the sake of the continuation for your children. If she is the primary parent and you plan that she will be spending more time with them post-divorce, then you need to move out. It's about the kids at this point.

If you don't have children, then F her. She needs to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Thanks for the opinions. I called a lawyer the day after she told me about the affair and wanting out of the marriage. So, I feel good about the advice I am getting. I am in the house and will not leave. I have obviously never touched her in an abusive manner, but I appreciate the fact that she may say things or coax me into something that can be perceived as threatening, but always good to keep in mind. The kids don't know about the affair yet, but they know we are heading toward divorce. So that is something else on the horizon for her when they eventually find out the truth.

I will smile and continue to take the high road in front of the kids. I won't bad mouth her or what she has done. But...I will not be pushed around by her or her new boyfriend. I have nobody waiting for me as she does with her new side piece, so I have all the time in the world.

Yes, I am an XW here that went through a nasty divorce. In the middle of a fight, he called 911 and claimed I slapped him in the face. I merely brushed against him to pick up our daughter, who was crying. Four months later, when I finally left him, he tried to get a protective order and had me charged with 2nd degree assault. His story changed at every hearing. First, he said I slapped him in the face, then he said I hit him repeatedly for 3 minutes. Then he said I hit him repeatedly while we were holding our daughter for 10 minutes.

He was not successful, but the result is that I had to take an anger management class as a part of a pre-trial agreement, because there was a 911 tape of him claiming I slapped him. That was $5,000 on lawyers to squash both and a 12 week class I had to pay $240 for. My entire divorce cost $130,000 and only because I represented myself at trial. I burned through my entire retirement on lawyers. We're about to go back to court for a custody modification, which he is turning into another $50,000 fight. Ugh.

Whatever you do, if she calls 911, just stand down. Don't touch her anymore. And don't fight. Just ignore her.

If she hits you, do call police and make a report.