My wife cheated on me for 2 years with a co-worker...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^overwhelmingly in favor of telling.

The only circumstance suggesting not to tell was if the kids had no idea and you weren’t divorcing.

If they have suspicion, if family knows and it could slip out, if you already have g/friend, b/friend, if it was with a person they know...

Re-read BOTH articles and not with a self-serving view of not having to face people knowing what you did.

No, not overwhelmingly in favor of telling. You’re just plain wrong. Also, it’s the opinion on one therapist. Hardly the gospel.

Yeah, telling children their mother is a horrible person will surely make the divorce easier for everyone. I’m starting to believe you were cheated on and chose to tell your children. That’s horrible in my opinion.

+1. It is horrible. And worse than cheating itself.

But the unfaithful spouse is mistaken to believe the pain inflicted by the affair happens at the moment the child is told. No, the harm done to the child occurs at the moment that that partner elected to go outside the marriage for an emotional or physical relationship. When an affair happens, it cheats the spouse and the family of the love and commitment of a partner and parent. Telling the child may put an ugly name on why a parent has pulled away from the family, but it is, ultimately, naming a truth. And if there is one thing that affairs teach us, it is how devastating lies can be.

Really, really not. The pain occurs when both people in the marriage decide that the affair is not something they can get past. Not every affair results in divorce.

As someone that was betrayed, I can assure the intense pain is when you are given the shock of discovering an affair (and for a long, long time after is it excruciatingly painful when it was a happy marriage prior) even if you reconcile. That pain is no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^overwhelmingly in favor of telling.

The only circumstance suggesting not to tell was if the kids had no idea and you weren’t divorcing.

If they have suspicion, if family knows and it could slip out, if you already have g/friend, b/friend, if it was with a person they know...

Re-read BOTH articles and not with a self-serving view of not having to face people knowing what you did.

No, not overwhelmingly in favor of telling. You’re just plain wrong. Also, it’s the opinion on one therapist. Hardly the gospel.

Yeah, telling children their mother is a horrible person will surely make the divorce easier for everyone. I’m starting to believe you were cheated on and chose to tell your children. That’s horrible in my opinion.

+1. It is horrible. And worse than cheating itself.

But the unfaithful spouse is mistaken to believe the pain inflicted by the affair happens at the moment the child is told. No, the harm done to the child occurs at the moment that that partner elected to go outside the marriage for an emotional or physical relationship. When an affair happens, it cheats the spouse and the family of the love and commitment of a partner and parent. Telling the child may put an ugly name on why a parent has pulled away from the family, but it is, ultimately, naming a truth. And if there is one thing that affairs teach us, it is how devastating lies can be.

Really, really not. The pain occurs when both people in the marriage decide that the affair is not something they can get past. Not every affair results in divorce.

As someone that was betrayed, I can assure the intense pain is when you are given the shock of discovering an affair (and for a long, long time after is it excruciatingly painful when it was a happy marriage prior) even if you reconcile. That pain is no joke.

No one denied the pain that a betrayed person goes through. It’s harrowing. The issue here is whether the children should be told the truth about the affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^overwhelmingly in favor of telling.

The only circumstance suggesting not to tell was if the kids had no idea and you weren’t divorcing.

If they have suspicion, if family knows and it could slip out, if you already have g/friend, b/friend, if it was with a person they know...

Re-read BOTH articles and not with a self-serving view of not having to face people knowing what you did.

No, not overwhelmingly in favor of telling. You’re just plain wrong. Also, it’s the opinion on one therapist. Hardly the gospel.

Yeah, telling children their mother is a horrible person will surely make the divorce easier for everyone. I’m starting to believe you were cheated on and chose to tell your children. That’s horrible in my opinion.

+1. It is horrible. And worse than cheating itself.

But the unfaithful spouse is mistaken to believe the pain inflicted by the affair happens at the moment the child is told. No, the harm done to the child occurs at the moment that that partner elected to go outside the marriage for an emotional or physical relationship. When an affair happens, it cheats the spouse and the family of the love and commitment of a partner and parent. Telling the child may put an ugly name on why a parent has pulled away from the family, but it is, ultimately, naming a truth. And if there is one thing that affairs teach us, it is how devastating lies can be.

Really, really not. The pain occurs when both people in the marriage decide that the affair is not something they can get past. Not every affair results in divorce.

As someone that was betrayed, I can assure the intense pain is when you are given the shock of discovering an affair (and for a long, long time after is it excruciatingly painful when it was a happy marriage prior) even if you reconcile. That pain is no joke.

No one denied the pain that a betrayed person goes through. It’s harrowing. The issue here is whether the children should be told the truth about the affair.

It only takes one parent to decide it’s not something that they can get past to end the marriage...not both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^overwhelmingly in favor of telling.

The only circumstance suggesting not to tell was if the kids had no idea and you weren’t divorcing.

If they have suspicion, if family knows and it could slip out, if you already have g/friend, b/friend, if it was with a person they know...

Re-read BOTH articles and not with a self-serving view of not having to face people knowing what you did.

No, not overwhelmingly in favor of telling. You’re just plain wrong. Also, it’s the opinion on one therapist. Hardly the gospel.

Yeah, telling children their mother is a horrible person will surely make the divorce easier for everyone. I’m starting to believe you were cheated on and chose to tell your children. That’s horrible in my opinion.

+1. It is horrible. And worse than cheating itself.

But the unfaithful spouse is mistaken to believe the pain inflicted by the affair happens at the moment the child is told. No, the harm done to the child occurs at the moment that that partner elected to go outside the marriage for an emotional or physical relationship. When an affair happens, it cheats the spouse and the family of the love and commitment of a partner and parent. Telling the child may put an ugly name on why a parent has pulled away from the family, but it is, ultimately, naming a truth. And if there is one thing that affairs teach us, it is how devastating lies can be.

Really, really not. The pain occurs when both people in the marriage decide that the affair is not something they can get past. Not every affair results in divorce.

As someone that was betrayed, I can assure the intense pain is when you are given the shock of discovering an affair (and for a long, long time after is it excruciatingly painful when it was a happy marriage prior) even if you reconcile. That pain is no joke.

No one denied the pain that a betrayed person goes through. It’s harrowing. The issue here is whether the children should be told the truth about the affair.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me as well. Wife cheated on my with a board member from her company. She wouldn't leave the house. Sent all the wrong messages to the kids after we told them we were getting divorced.

Told all her friends we just fell out of love. As soon as I found out that's what she was saying, I set the record straight. All her friends found out she was lying to them and she finally left the house as she had no shoulder to cry on/lie to anymore amongst our friend group. Glad she's gone. Once I get through all the legal workings, we will all be better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me as well. Wife cheated on my with a board member from her company. She wouldn't leave the house. Sent all the wrong messages to the kids after we told them we were getting divorced.

Told all her friends we just fell out of love. As soon as I found out that's what she was saying, I set the record straight. All her friends found out she was lying to them and she finally left the house as she had no shoulder to cry on/lie to anymore amongst our friend group. Glad she's gone. Once I get through all the legal workings, we will all be better off.

Good for you! How did you find out??

The kids will never see her the same again, and that's on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me as well. Wife cheated on my with a board member from her company. She wouldn't leave the house. Sent all the wrong messages to the kids after we told them we were getting divorced.

Told all her friends we just fell out of love. As soon as I found out that's what she was saying, I set the record straight. All her friends found out she was lying to them and she finally left the house as she had no shoulder to cry on/lie to anymore amongst our friend group. Glad she's gone. Once I get through all the legal workings, we will all be better off.

Good for you! How did you find out??

The kids will never see her the same again, and that's on her.

The wife of the other guy reached out to me via LinkedIn. We pieced it together and then both called it out to our spouses on the same day. And she had the nerve to blame me for her indiscretion. I wasn't going to let her get away with it and hurt my reputation in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Retain lawyer.
2. Obtain a small voice recorder and keep it running and on your person 24/7. Do not use your phone. This is for when she inevitably reports you for DV.
3. Stay in the home no matter what. If you leave the house you will lose the house and probably lose your kids.
4. If it were me, I'd tell the kids mommy was a whore who broke up the marriage. I didn't do that and the kids still blame me.

Conclusion: your life will be so much better 5 years from now. Just get a vasectomy and never, ever cohabitate with a woman again.

Do not do #4. Judges do not look kindly on parental alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me as well. Wife cheated on my with a board member from her company. She wouldn't leave the house. Sent all the wrong messages to the kids after we told them we were getting divorced.

Told all her friends we just fell out of love. As soon as I found out that's what she was saying, I set the record straight. All her friends found out she was lying to them and she finally left the house as she had no shoulder to cry on/lie to anymore amongst our friend group. Glad she's gone. Once I get through all the legal workings, we will all be better off.

She is a hoo-er. She hoo-er'ed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Retain lawyer.
2. Obtain a small voice recorder and keep it running and on your person 24/7. Do not use your phone. This is for when she inevitably reports you for DV.
3. Stay in the home no matter what. If you leave the house you will lose the house and probably lose your kids.
4. If it were me, I'd tell the kids mommy was a whore who broke up the marriage. I didn't do that and the kids still blame me.

Conclusion: your life will be so much better 5 years from now. Just get a vasectomy and never, ever cohabitate with a woman again.

Do not do #4. Judges do not look kindly on parental alienation.

+1

Generally speaking, in the eyes of a family court, a person can be a bad spouse but a good parent. Bad spouse = cheating, bad parent = calling mommy a whore.