For Better, or Worse: "Open" marriage with a medical ill spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

So basically he took advantage of a poor sick spouse, a form of elder abuse imo. Even moving the horrible woman into to their home. Well he's a special kind of peach.

What?! I think you read this wrong. He put his life on hold to care for his spouse. She was pretty much a vegetable most of this but he kept her at home. You expected him to not even have a girlfriend? If his wife hadn’t been so ill he would have been with her only I’m sure.

She wasn’t elderly btw and doctors encouraged him to divorce so that the spouse wouldn’t deplete all of his savings caring for her.

Yes, per his marital vows.

Pp here. It was lonely and I think he just craved friendship most of all. I couldn’t imagine caring for someone who couldn’t give that back to me without an incredible support system. My family is extremely conservative and they all were okay with it. You’d be hard pressed to judge. I truly think him and his new wife love each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

So basically he took advantage of a poor sick spouse, a form of elder abuse imo. Even moving the horrible woman into to their home. Well he's a special kind of peach.

What?! I think you read this wrong. He put his life on hold to care for his spouse. She was pretty much a vegetable most of this but he kept her at home. You expected him to not even have a girlfriend? If his wife hadn’t been so ill he would have been with her only I’m sure.

She wasn’t elderly btw and doctors encouraged him to divorce so that the spouse wouldn’t deplete all of his savings caring for her.

Yes, per his marital vows.

Pp here. It was lonely and I think he just craved friendship most of all. I couldn’t imagine caring for someone who couldn’t give that back to me without an incredible support system. My family is extremely conservative and they all were okay with it. You’d be hard pressed to judge. I truly think him and his new wife love each other.

You are not extremely conservative or you are fakes if you are saying any part of it is ok. I have been a long term care giver and if it were my spouse I'd never ever cheat on him. He can have friendships without an affair. I love how religious people always find exemptions and excuses to breaking the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are having affairs and lying. Why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife and lying about it? Even worse, she is ill at home with kids and he's busy running around with you. Would you want him to treat you that way?

OP here. I am not interested in these situations.

So, what are you looking for? For us to say its ok and what a great person you are for doing it? That is the reality of it. He's scum to do that to his wife.

You are looking to place blame where there's none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are having affairs and lying. Why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife and lying about it? Even worse, she is ill at home with kids and he's busy running around with you. Would you want him to treat you that way?

OP here. I am not interested in these situations.

So, what are you looking for? For us to say its ok and what a great person you are for doing it? That is the reality of it. He's scum to do that to his wife.

You are looking to place blame where there's none.

A spouse who cheats regardless of the situation is ALWAYS to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are having affairs and lying. Why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife and lying about it? Even worse, she is ill at home with kids and he's busy running around with you. Would you want him to treat you that way?

OP here. I am not interested in these situations.

So, what are you looking for? For us to say its ok and what a great person you are for doing it? That is the reality of it. He's scum to do that to his wife.

You are looking to place blame where there's none.

A spouse who cheats regardless of the situation is ALWAYS to blame.

NP. You need to take it down a notch and stop projecting. While I am skeptical of the people OP described, you don’t know what agreements other people may have within their marriages about what is or is not cheating,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After running into numerous men online who claim to have "open marriages" due to their partner's being medical ill, I was wondering how serious do couples dissect the idea of an open marriage. Personally, I think that you should take the good with the bad when it comes to marriage or choose to divorce. Of course, that's my view as a single women being approached by men looking to supplement their marriages with sex from someone else. It's not my cup of tea, since I cannot reap the benefits of your marriage.

So, married DCUM, what are your views on open marriages?

I doubt these men mean their wives are seriously ill. It's far more likely that they suck as husbands, their wives lost interest, and they justify cheating by saying their wife has some medical issue that causes low libido.

Let’s assume you are right: he sucks as a husband such that she lost interest. She must then divorce. By her not divorcing, the marriage is opened.

Woo-hoo, OMG responded to me! I think this is the second time, now I feel like we should meet up for drinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve said here a dozen times, most normal libido men in a low sex marriage consider it “open”. But there are DCUM women who will come and try to convince you otherwise “no, you really are not seeing numerous men online like that... because their VOWS”

I am a man and that’s just untrue.

Pp, ie, omg, is never been married and maybe a virgin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve said here a dozen times, most normal libido men in a low sex marriage consider it “open”. But there are DCUM women who will come and try to convince you otherwise “no, you really are not seeing numerous men online like that... because their VOWS”

I am a man and that’s just untrue.

Pp, ie, omg, is never been married and maybe a virgin

The not-OMG-PP has failed to explain what this normal libido man does in absence of marital sex. And neither have you, for that matter.

[Anonymous]

I had this arrangement with my spouse. I won't go into her medical condition but sex was not going to happen again. She was the one who sat me down and insisted on it after giving it a lot of thought on her own It wasn't something I asked for. It worked out much better than I imagined but it takes the right kind of person to make it work.

I agree that men are a lot less likely to agree to suxh an arrangement where the H is I'll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve said here a dozen times, most normal libido men in a low sex marriage consider it “open”. But there are DCUM women who will come and try to convince you otherwise “no, you really are not seeing numerous men online like that... because their VOWS”

I am a man and that’s just untrue.

Pp, ie, omg, is never been married and maybe a virgin

The not-OMG-PP has failed to explain what this normal libido man does in absence of marital sex. And neither have you, for that matter.

Well you're not even married and apparently can't figure out how to have sex, why do you think it would be so easy for married guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

So basically he took advantage of a poor sick spouse, a form of elder abuse imo. Even moving the horrible woman into to their home. Well he's a special kind of peach.

What?! I think you read this wrong. He put his life on hold to care for his spouse. She was pretty much a vegetable most of this but he kept her at home. You expected him to not even have a girlfriend? If his wife hadn’t been so ill he would have been with her only I’m sure.

She wasn’t elderly btw and doctors encouraged him to divorce so that the spouse wouldn’t deplete all of his savings caring for her.

Yes, per his marital vows.

Pp here. It was lonely and I think he just craved friendship most of all. I couldn’t imagine caring for someone who couldn’t give that back to me without an incredible support system. My family is extremely conservative and they all were okay with it. You’d be hard pressed to judge. I truly think him and his new wife love each other.

You are not extremely conservative or you are fakes if you are saying any part of it is ok. I have been a long term care giver and if it were my spouse I'd never ever cheat on him. He can have friendships without an affair. I love how religious people always find exemptions and excuses to breaking the rules.

I find it creepy he moved the woman in while his wife was still alive. Many people go through medical crisis especially as they get older, still not an excuse to start dating. That guy was no saint no matter how he pitched it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are having affairs and lying. Why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife and lying about it? Even worse, she is ill at home with kids and he's busy running around with you. Would you want him to treat you that way?

OP here. I am not interested in these situations.

So, what are you looking for? For us to say its ok and what a great person you are for doing it? That is the reality of it. He's scum to do that to his wife.

You are looking to place blame where there's none.

A spouse who cheats regardless of the situation is ALWAYS to blame.

Someone with a chronic health illness is already feeling guilty, maybe not in the best state of mind. A horrible spouse that even entertains the thought of going outside is a pos. Even if the sick person suggests it. Unfortunately there are spouses that will take advantage of the ill spouse.

[Anonymous]

Personal relationships are just that...personal so I couldn't care less about what Brad and Angelina do behind closed doors that's their business and whatever arrangements and allowances they afford one another to keep their marriage amicable and tolerable is their business too.
Y'all nosey as shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve said here a dozen times, most normal libido men in a low sex marriage consider it “open”. But there are DCUM women who will come and try to convince you otherwise “no, you really are not seeing numerous men online like that... because their VOWS”

Don't delude yourself, more like 500 times at least.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who works with me that did this. They were going to amicably divorce and were already living apart but then he became ill with cancer which was very expensive to treat and our company has terrific health insurance benefits.