For Better, or Worse: "Open" marriage with a medical ill spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After running into numerous men online who claim to have "open marriages" due to their partner's being medical ill, I was wondering how serious do couples dissect the idea of an open marriage. Personally, I think that you should take the good with the bad when it comes to marriage or choose to divorce. Of course, that's my view as a single women being approached by men looking to supplement their marriages with sex from someone else. It's not my cup of tea, since I cannot reap the benefits of your marriage.

So, married DCUM, what are your views on open marriages?

I doubt these men mean their wives are seriously ill. It's far more likely that they suck as husbands, their wives lost interest, and they justify cheating by saying their wife has some medical issue that causes low libido.

Exactly, I laugh at these because it's the same few posters. Always leads to open marriage, sexless marriage, and now that we're on to them...it's seriously sick wife at home...must find bar floozy willing to date a married creepy guy. Either stay married or divorce and date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

So basically he took advantage of a poor sick spouse, a form of elder abuse imo. Even moving the horrible woman into to their home. Well he's a special kind of peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Personally, I think that you should take the good with the bad when it comes to marriage or choose to divorce.

You think the moral option is to abandon the sick spouse? I'm not advocating for an open marriage. But let's not pretend that a divorce is really an option in the case of a severely ill or disabled spouse.

[Anonymous]

They are having affairs and lying. Why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife and lying about it? Even worse, she is ill at home with kids and he's busy running around with you. Would you want him to treat you that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

So basically he took advantage of a poor sick spouse, a form of elder abuse imo. Even moving the horrible woman into to their home. Well he's a special kind of peach.

What?! I think you read this wrong. He put his life on hold to care for his spouse. She was pretty much a vegetable most of this but he kept her at home. You expected him to not even have a girlfriend? If his wife hadn’t been so ill he would have been with her only I’m sure.

She wasn’t elderly btw and doctors encouraged him to divorce so that the spouse wouldn’t deplete all of his savings caring for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After running into numerous men online who claim to have "open marriages" due to their partner's being medical ill, I was wondering how serious do couples dissect the idea of an open marriage. Personally, I think that you should take the good with the bad when it comes to marriage or choose to divorce. Of course, that's my view as a single women being approached by men looking to supplement their marriages with sex from someone else. It's not my cup of tea, since I cannot reap the benefits of your marriage.

So, married DCUM, what are your views on open marriages?

My mom has a friend who became paralyzed following the birth of her first child. She had little sensation and no function below the waist. Her DH ‘never bothered her” in my mother’s words, but a woman came to his funeral with a toddler that looked just like my mom’s friend’s DD at that age. It was devastating to my mom’s friend and her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are having affairs and lying. Why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife and lying about it? Even worse, she is ill at home with kids and he's busy running around with you. Would you want him to treat you that way?

OP here. I am not interested in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After running into numerous men online who claim to have "open marriages" due to their partner's being medical ill, I was wondering how serious do couples dissect the idea of an open marriage. Personally, I think that you should take the good with the bad when it comes to marriage or choose to divorce. Of course, that's my view as a single women being approached by men looking to supplement their marriages with sex from someone else. It's not my cup of tea, since I cannot reap the benefits of your marriage.

So, married DCUM, what are your views on open marriages?

My mom has a friend who became paralyzed following the birth of her first child. She had little sensation and no function below the waist. Her DH ‘never bothered her” in my mother’s words, but a woman came to his funeral with a toddler that looked just like my mom’s friend’s DD at that age. It was devastating to my mom’s friend and her child.

DP... I think the man should've used protection, and that woman should've left the child at home, but honestly, how can she expect that he never have sex again? And I say this as a woman.

But he died after he fathered a toddler? Did he die young or was he just having sex until he was old? Well, good for him I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

So basically he took advantage of a poor sick spouse, a form of elder abuse imo. Even moving the horrible woman into to their home. Well he's a special kind of peach.

What?! I think you read this wrong. He put his life on hold to care for his spouse. She was pretty much a vegetable most of this but he kept her at home. You expected him to not even have a girlfriend? If his wife hadn’t been so ill he would have been with her only I’m sure.

She wasn’t elderly btw and doctors encouraged him to divorce so that the spouse wouldn’t deplete all of his savings caring for her.

DP.. I wouldn't blame the man in that situation. He took care of her, at least.

[Anonymous]

I only know of this happening when the wife is sick and alive. The women I know who have a husband who becomes ill stay and don’t open the marriage. My childhood friend had early onset ALS for 10 years, bedridden for 7, and his wife never dated or did anything outside of the marriage. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are having affairs and lying. Why would you want a man who is cheating on his wife and lying about it? Even worse, she is ill at home with kids and he's busy running around with you. Would you want him to treat you that way?

OP here. I am not interested in these situations.

So, what are you looking for? For us to say its ok and what a great person you are for doing it? That is the reality of it. He's scum to do that to his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

So basically he took advantage of a poor sick spouse, a form of elder abuse imo. Even moving the horrible woman into to their home. Well he's a special kind of peach.

What?! I think you read this wrong. He put his life on hold to care for his spouse. She was pretty much a vegetable most of this but he kept her at home. You expected him to not even have a girlfriend? If his wife hadn’t been so ill he would have been with her only I’m sure.

She wasn’t elderly btw and doctors encouraged him to divorce so that the spouse wouldn’t deplete all of his savings caring for her.

Yes, per his marital vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve said here a dozen times, most normal libido men in a low sex marriage consider it “open”. But there are DCUM women who will come and try to convince you otherwise “no, you really are not seeing numerous men online like that... because their VOWS”

I am a man and that’s just untrue.

Please enlighten us then: what does this normal libido man do, given his wife is uninterested?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My uncle was married to a woman with severe dementia who was bed ridden for about 15 years (I mean she was ill for 15 years). He wasn't on dating websites, but he did find a life companion who he spent his time with. She eventually moved in and lived with him and his wife for her last 5 years. Once his wife died, my uncle and his girlfriend got married. It was sad all around but no one blamed him. He missed some of the best years due to his wife's illness (he's too old for kids now), but he cared for his wife for her entire life. My uncle's new wife is a very kind woman too. Just a bad situation.

Wow- real life B. Smith!

[Anonymous]

People with significant disabilities can also have active sex lives - with creative thinking. There are people with paralysis with very active sex lives.

If someone isn't competent, then it is a no go for sure but if they are competent then the sex life doesn't' need to just completely stop. Obviously not on days with severe pain or other severe symptoms but it can work.

Interabled couples:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4o30y96kv8&t=609s or their own channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdomP1JqhnyBQGaBmfDl4KQ

Paralyzed man: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2BtIaeHx92IQhn-nw6QMqg/videos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EI9JYq2sEE