For Better, or Worse: "Open" marriage with a medical ill spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is chronically ill with both depression and afew different physical ailments. I think the physical ailments are made worse by his depressed person's lifestyle. He's generally very low energy and hasn't held a full time job in over five years.

He parents well emotionally, though he doesn't do much around the house and I'm still primary caregiver even though I work two jobs.

We all have health insurance through my main job.

If we split we'd have to sell the house and he would live on his share of the equity. It would be hard to find somewhere to live for what I pay now, and my kids would lose their home.

I don't have a hall pass. My husband has become very touchy about everything. It's taken years to learn to tip toe around his feelings of self loathing so he doesn't feel stung comparing himself to my relatively normal life.

But I was losing my mind without sex and companionship; my husband is still an emotionally engaged father but he has nothing to talk about, no passions, he doesn't even volunteer.

So I have a relationship that includes sex and interaction with a peer - someone else who knows the pressures of working, being a bread winner, having people depending on you. And whose spouse gave up sex after menopause.

It's not my dream; I married my husband because I loved him and wanted a partner. He's not one, but his issues can't take away my home or my kids half the time.

Thank you for posting and thank you for revealing that it isn't just men who step out. There are at least as many women in this situation. I've met many of them. No one enters into an affair of this type lightly and without a lot of thought and soul searching. It's a compromise at best for those who want to keep their marriage and family together, while not willing to live without the touch of another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is chronically ill with both depression and afew different physical ailments. I think the physical ailments are made worse by his depressed person's lifestyle. He's generally very low energy and hasn't held a full time job in over five years.

He parents well emotionally, though he doesn't do much around the house and I'm still primary caregiver even though I work two jobs.

We all have health insurance through my main job.

If we split we'd have to sell the house and he would live on his share of the equity. It would be hard to find somewhere to live for what I pay now, and my kids would lose their home.

I don't have a hall pass. My husband has become very touchy about everything. It's taken years to learn to tip toe around his feelings of self loathing so he doesn't feel stung comparing himself to my relatively normal life.

But I was losing my mind without sex and companionship; my husband is still an emotionally engaged father but he has nothing to talk about, no passions, he doesn't even volunteer.

So I have a relationship that includes sex and interaction with a peer - someone else who knows the pressures of working, being a bread winner, having people depending on you. And whose spouse gave up sex after menopause.

It's not my dream; I married my husband because I loved him and wanted a partner. He's not one, but his issues can't take away my home or my kids half the time.

Thank you for posting and thank you for revealing that it isn't just men who step out. There are at least as many women in this situation. I've met many of them. No one enters into an affair of this type lightly and without a lot of thought and soul searching. It's a compromise at best for those who want to keep their marriage and family together, while not willing to live without the touch of another person.

lol yeah she's SUCH a hero for screwing around on her sick spouse! And I am sure it was just SO hard to FORCE yourself to have all that sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is chronically ill with both depression and afew different physical ailments. I think the physical ailments are made worse by his depressed person's lifestyle. He's generally very low energy and hasn't held a full time job in over five years.

He parents well emotionally, though he doesn't do much around the house and I'm still primary caregiver even though I work two jobs.

We all have health insurance through my main job.

If we split we'd have to sell the house and he would live on his share of the equity. It would be hard to find somewhere to live for what I pay now, and my kids would lose their home.

I don't have a hall pass. My husband has become very touchy about everything. It's taken years to learn to tip toe around his feelings of self loathing so he doesn't feel stung comparing himself to my relatively normal life.

But I was losing my mind without sex and companionship; my husband is still an emotionally engaged father but he has nothing to talk about, no passions, he doesn't even volunteer.

So I have a relationship that includes sex and interaction with a peer - someone else who knows the pressures of working, being a bread winner, having people depending on you. And whose spouse gave up sex after menopause.

It's not my dream; I married my husband because I loved him and wanted a partner. He's not one, but his issues can't take away my home or my kids half the time.

Thank you for posting and thank you for revealing that it isn't just men who step out. There are at least as many women in this situation. I've met many of them. No one enters into an affair of this type lightly and without a lot of thought and soul searching. It's a compromise at best for those who want to keep their marriage and family together, while not willing to live without the touch of another person.

lol yeah she's SUCH a hero for screwing around on her sick spouse! And I am sure it was just SO hard to FORCE yourself to have all that sex!

He is better off for it. She isn't cheating him out of anything and he benefits from her being happier instead of taking out her bitterness on him. You seriously have no idea unless you have been there. Being a man, he would never agree to giving her a hall pass, so she did what was best for her, and yes, best for him too and the marriage. You sound angry and bitter yourself. Why are you mad at her for having sex?