My ex is married and has a baby due any day now. We haven’t been broken up two years yet…

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, that is hard. No matter the specifics, it's always hard to see exes move forward with others, especially if they turn out to be really for all the things that weren't ready for you with.

If at all possible, try to find a way to view it as this just being a clear sign that you two weren't actually the right fit and your person is still out there somewhere. You could have ended up in a legal relationship, with a child, and be discovering that you're not right for each other and you'd be in a world of hurt that's much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. You're a troll doing an anti-abortion thing.

B. You're stupid. He told you he divorced over his wife's decision not to have kids. You took his lukewarm reaction as a signal he didn't want kids. He moved on to someone who actually really did want kids. And now you're left all by yourself with no kids. Congrats.

Pick A or B.

Either way, you're completely ridiculous and should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn’t add this part but before I got pregnant, months prior, I mentioned us moving into together and he didn’t want to. I got spooked by his reaction even more so because I thought, if he didn’t want to live together and he didn’t automatically jump for joy, I thought he didn’t want the baby?

This has to be a troll. Even when you're actively trying to get pregnant you don't immediately "jump for joy" about a baby because it's definitely a weighty situation.

I had never been pregnant before and he had never gotten pregnant before, so how was I supposed to know this? I just assumed if it’s something you want you’d be pretty outwardly happy about it. I guess I just had a script it my head…

So he didn't perform to a script in your head and you didn't give him time to process?

This can't possibly be real.

I'm a mom of two, kids are great. But having a baby can be scary or feel like a lot, especially first time parenthood. Even when you're 100% sure it's normal to need a second to breathe when that second line appears. When I first found out I was pregnant with my first kid, a baby I'd been trying for, I took a long walk before doing anything else. It didn't feel real at first.

You can't demand an immediate emotional performance from other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. You're a troll doing an anti-abortion thing.

B. You're stupid. He told you he divorced over his wife's decision not to have kids. You took his lukewarm reaction as a signal he didn't want kids. He moved on to someone who actually really did want kids. And now you're left all by yourself with no kids. Congrats.

Pick A or B.

Either way, you're completely ridiculous and should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn’t add this part but before I got pregnant, months prior, I mentioned us moving into together and he didn’t want to. I got spooked by his reaction even more so because I thought, if he didn’t want to live together and he didn’t automatically jump for joy, I thought he didn’t want the baby?

This has to be a troll. Even when you're actively trying to get pregnant you don't immediately "jump for joy" about a baby because it's definitely a weighty situation.

I had never been pregnant before and he had never gotten pregnant before, so how was I supposed to know this? I just assumed if it’s something you want you’d be pretty outwardly happy about it. I guess I just had a script it my head…

You were right, and that script is healthy and normative. PP saying you don't "jump for joy" is a nutjob. I'm a father of four and I was outwardly and inwardly every bit this happy and expressive, except at the last one, which was on the heels of a previous miscarriage. So I was a little more measured, but still very joyous.

How long were you with your girlfriend when she announced the unplanned pregnancy of your first child?

[Anonymous]

The immaturity coming off OP is really something. It's been 2 years. How have you not moved on at all?

[Anonymous]

He's a bad dude. Sorry.

Are you sure he was divorced when you met him, or just said he was? It sounds like you were the limerence affair that ran its standard 2 year course (in his mind anyway).

He seems like a lying dog, who jumps ship just when it starts to be a comfortable, committed relationship. He'll likely do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. You're a troll doing an anti-abortion thing.

B. You're stupid. He told you he divorced over his wife's decision not to have kids. You took his lukewarm reaction as a signal he didn't want kids. He moved on to someone who actually really did want kids. And now you're left all by yourself with no kids. Congrats.

Pick A or B.

Either way, you're completely ridiculous and should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn’t add this part but before I got pregnant, months prior, I mentioned us moving into together and he didn’t want to. I got spooked by his reaction even more so because I thought, if he didn’t want to live together and he didn’t automatically jump for joy, I thought he didn’t want the baby?

This has to be a troll. Even when you're actively trying to get pregnant you don't immediately "jump for joy" about a baby because it's definitely a weighty situation.

I had never been pregnant before and he had never gotten pregnant before, so how was I supposed to know this? I just assumed if it’s something you want you’d be pretty outwardly happy about it. I guess I just had a script it my head…

You were right, and that script is healthy and normative. PP saying you don't "jump for joy" is a nutjob. I'm a father of four and I was outwardly and inwardly every bit this happy and expressive, except at the last one, which was on the heels of a previous miscarriage. So I was a little more measured, but still very joyous.

How long were you with your girlfriend when she announced the unplanned pregnancy of your first child?

She also said they'd been fighting before she got pregnant. Expecting someone to immediately jump for joy about a baby in that situation is bonkers.

If OP isn't a troll, she needs to own her choices, take a lesson not let what she thinks someone wants dictate her decisions. You have to actually speak up for what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let this go.

He knew the other person a lot longer. Plus his relationship with you may have changed his thinking in unknowable ways, good or bad.

He probably told you what he thought he should say...that it was up to you what to do.

The fact that you decided the way you did suggests you weren't madly in love with him. And his reaction suggests he wasn't madly in love with you. So you parted.

You can complain a little about how unfair the universe is but I don't think you lost out on a great dad and husband. Move on.

I was madly in love with him though. I decided what I did because I thought he didn’t want the baby.

This is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let this go.

He knew the other person a lot longer. Plus his relationship with you may have changed his thinking in unknowable ways, good or bad.

He probably told you what he thought he should say...that it was up to you what to do.

The fact that you decided the way you did suggests you weren't madly in love with him. And his reaction suggests he wasn't madly in love with you. So you parted.

You can complain a little about how unfair the universe is but I don't think you lost out on a great dad and husband. Move on.

I was madly in love with him though. I decided what I did because I thought he didn’t want the baby.

This is so sad.

Honestly maybe it's for the best. Was she going to always prioritize what she thought he wanted over herself and the kid? That wouldn't be a recipe for a good childhood.

[Anonymous]

Your winner ex bf managed to get both you and his next girlfriend pregnant while dating?

Sounds like a reach catch. Has he not heard of condoms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. You're a troll doing an anti-abortion thing.

B. You're stupid. He told you he divorced over his wife's decision not to have kids. You took his lukewarm reaction as a signal he didn't want kids. He moved on to someone who actually really did want kids. And now you're left all by yourself with no kids. Congrats.

Pick A or B.

Either way, you're completely ridiculous and should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn’t add this part but before I got pregnant, months prior, I mentioned us moving into together and he didn’t want to. I got spooked by his reaction even more so because I thought, if he didn’t want to live together and he didn’t automatically jump for joy, I thought he didn’t want the baby?

This has to be a troll. Even when you're actively trying to get pregnant you don't immediately "jump for joy" about a baby because it's definitely a weighty situation.

I had never been pregnant before and he had never gotten pregnant before, so how was I supposed to know this? I just assumed if it’s something you want you’d be pretty outwardly happy about it. I guess I just had a script it my head…

You were right, and that script is healthy and normative. PP saying you don't "jump for joy" is a nutjob. I'm a father of four and I was outwardly and inwardly every bit this happy and expressive, except at the last one, which was on the heels of a previous miscarriage. So I was a little more measured, but still very joyous.

I'd say you're a giant red flag. Any man who jumps for joy about an unplanned pregnancy has a deluded idea of just how serious having a baby is. These are the guys who see wives and babies as trophies to trot out, assume that dad will continue working alot and wife can 'decide' what she wants to do about work vs stay home, but you won't be contributing to household labor. But you think you are super involved. Real men consider the seriousness of both pregnancy (a very major health condition) and parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. You're a troll doing an anti-abortion thing.

B. You're stupid. He told you he divorced over his wife's decision not to have kids. You took his lukewarm reaction as a signal he didn't want kids. He moved on to someone who actually really did want kids. And now you're left all by yourself with no kids. Congrats.

Pick A or B.

Either way, you're completely ridiculous and should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn’t add this part but before I got pregnant, months prior, I mentioned us moving into together and he didn’t want to. I got spooked by his reaction even more so because I thought, if he didn’t want to live together and he didn’t automatically jump for joy, I thought he didn’t want the baby?

This has to be a troll. Even when you're actively trying to get pregnant you don't immediately "jump for joy" about a baby because it's definitely a weighty situation.

I had never been pregnant before and he had never gotten pregnant before, so how was I supposed to know this? I just assumed if it’s something you want you’d be pretty outwardly happy about it. I guess I just had a script it my head…

You were right, and that script is healthy and normative. PP saying you don't "jump for joy" is a nutjob. I'm a father of four and I was outwardly and inwardly every bit this happy and expressive, except at the last one, which was on the heels of a previous miscarriage. So I was a little more measured, but still very joyous.

I'd say you're a giant red flag. Any man who jumps for joy about an unplanned pregnancy has a deluded idea of just how serious having a baby is. These are the guys who see wives and babies as trophies to trot out, assume that dad will continue working alot and wife can 'decide' what she wants to do about work vs stay home, but you won't be contributing to household labor. But you think you are super involved. Real men consider the seriousness of both pregnancy (a very major health condition) and parenthood.

Jeezus. You sound like you're a lot of fun at parties. Wishing for a storm cloud on every sunny day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a bad dude. Sorry.

Are you sure he was divorced when you met him, or just said he was? It sounds like you were the limerence affair that ran its standard 2 year course (in his mind anyway).

He seems like a lying dog, who jumps ship just when it starts to be a comfortable, committed relationship. He'll likely do it again.

He had been divorced years before I entered the picture. He had been with his ex 9 years prior, so he didn’t have an issue committing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let this go.

He knew the other person a lot longer. Plus his relationship with you may have changed his thinking in unknowable ways, good or bad.

He probably told you what he thought he should say...that it was up to you what to do.

The fact that you decided the way you did suggests you weren't madly in love with him. And his reaction suggests he wasn't madly in love with you. So you parted.

You can complain a little about how unfair the universe is but I don't think you lost out on a great dad and husband. Move on.

I was madly in love with him though. I decided what I did because I thought he didn’t want the baby.

seriously? if you are saying you wanted to be with him and have the baby, you didn't communicate honestly with him.

"2 years into our relationship I got pregnant. I told him and he didn’t immediately jump for joy, or say anything really except for “okay”, so I reacted very quickly and told him I wasn’t going to keep it. To which he said, “I’ll support whatever you decide”. So, I got an abortion."

you should have had a more open and honest convo with him if you wanted to get married and have his baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

You have absolutely no basis for spouting any of that drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

OP doesn't say he "encouraged" an abortion. She says he said he's support whatever she wanted to do. Big difference, and further proof that men on DCUM can't win.

I'm the PP, a 45 yo married man, father of 4 daughters. I can put 2 and 2 together. This guy was an @$$hole and yes, encouraged the abortion. A man like this should never win on DCUM or anywhere else. At 37 any man needs to be ready to step up and support a child he creates.

Ok, Mr. White Knight. Which is it relevant that you're married or the father of four daughters? You have absolutely no idea whether thus guy was an @$$hole or encouraged the abortion. Actually, you seem more like the a'hole. Furthermore, there's nothing wrong with the guy indicating that he didn't want a kid with OP. That's a reasonable, responsible reaction.