My ex is married and has a baby due any day now. We haven’t been broken up two years yet…

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t read too much into this.

You did the right thing by terminating your pregnancy……because a baby would have complicated your relationship tenfold.

Things might look rosy on the surface - - but if this guy was a louse to you then he definitely will be a louse to his new wife.

Time will tell.
Just be happy that you aren’t on your own now w/a young child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex (37) and I were together on and off for 2.5 years (we started off casual, why the off). He had been divorced almost 3 years by the time we started seeing each other. He told me he didn’t really want to get remarried again, unless she was pregnant (his ex wife decided after they were married she didn’t want kids - why they broke up). 2 years into our relationship I got pregnant. I told him and he didn’t immediately jump for joy, or say anything really except for “okay”, so I reacted very quickly and told him I wasn’t going to keep it. To which he said, “I’ll support whatever you decide”. So, I got an abortion. Our relationship took a nose dive after this. We had been fighting before this, but after this, it got a lot worse. We had a blow up and he told me he couldn’t do it anymore in mid-July 2024.

I find out that October he was in a relationship with someone else and they started seeing each other in late August. They announced their engagement in February this year, and then announced the pregnancy a week ago. She looks so pretty far along, like 8/9 months far along. This means she’s been pregnant since last year, which also means she got pregnant within a year of them being together. Today I find out that they’re officially married? Apparently this is someone he met/has known since college.…

Honestly, I’m crushed. How could he move on so quickly and in such a major way? It hasn’t even been a full two years since we broke up. I got pregnant first but she gets the family and the marriage? My head is spinning a bit.

Why is your head spinning? You shouldn't even be stalking what he's doing like this. He clearly wasn't that into you and didn't really want marriage/ltr with you. Let it go and find someone else. And get some therapy.

I wasn’t stalking. I reached out to him in October hoping to reconcile and he told me he was in a relationship. When they made a social media announcement about their engagement my friend told me because they’re still friends on there. Lastly, the baby I’ll admit, curiosity got the best of me and I checked but that’s the only time I’ve checked his socials.

Trust me OP >> EVERYONE checks on their exes on social media at some point in time. 👍🏽

[Anonymous]

OP has abortion regret. It’s one thing to break up with someone and envy the new person after they’ve moved on into a happy marriage relatively quickly. But add aborting a child (for a totally frivolous reason, at that) into the mix and the pain is amplified by an order of magnitude.

Name your pain, OP, and own it. Repent for what you did. God forgives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t read too much into this.

You did the right thing by terminating your pregnancy……because a baby would have complicated your relationship tenfold.

Things might look rosy on the surface - - but if this guy was a louse to you then he definitely will be a louse to his new wife.

Time will tell.
Just be happy that you aren’t on your own now w/a young child.

Where in this was he a “louse” ? They didn’t get along, SHE made a choice and he told her he’d support her either way, their relationship got worse after, and he broke up with her later on.

I’m confused, was he supposed to stay in a rocky, maybe even unhealthy relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has abortion regret. It’s one thing to break up with someone and envy the new person after they’ve moved on into a happy marriage relatively quickly. But add aborting a child (for a totally frivolous reason, at that) into the mix and the pain is amplified by an order of magnitude.

Name your pain, OP, and own it. Repent for what you did. God forgives.

Please don't project your own beliefs on others. OP did not have an abortion for frivolous reasons, she had an abortion because she reasonably believed (accurately or mistakenly) that her partner wasn't supportive of continuing the pregnancy. Maybe it was a communication mixup and if so, that would be regrettable, but it's just as likely that OP read the situation accurately and made the right choice.

OP is in a damned if you do damned if you don't position. She could have had the baby and raised it with a dysfunctional parent, which is not exactly the kindness to the child you project. DCs have grown up with a narcissistic, on again/off again father, who as they grew older and had their own solo experiences with him, they came to see as unreliable and not out for their best interests. They've also grown up much poorer than they would have otherwise. Thank god I had supportive family of origin, if not mental health and other health and educational expenses really would have sunk us. Knowing that I had family of origin support was what even allowed me to keep my unexpected pregnancy (which my then fiance very much said he wanted prior to the pregnancy and when actually asked to participate in the decision to continue or not continue the pregnancy).

I love my kids and they were both great, but in retrospect, I should not have even broached the topic of continuing the pregnancy with my fiance. It was unplanned, and it was a disservice to everyone to continue something unplanned. People probably think, how horrible that you would say you don't want your children, but I think of it as perhaps I could have had my children with a more stable partner and given them a better life.


OP, we all have regrets in life. Focus on what is in your control and what you can do to create the kind of life you want. You will have other opportunities to have children if you focus on your career and building positive social relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t read too much into this.

You did the right thing by terminating your pregnancy……because a baby would have complicated your relationship tenfold.

Things might look rosy on the surface - - but if this guy was a louse to you then he definitely will be a louse to his new wife.

Time will tell.
Just be happy that you aren’t on your own now w/a young child.

Yeah a baby doesn't improve a relationship, it tests it. If they were fighting before she got pregnant, it wasn't a good situation for a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex (37) and I were together on and off for 2.5 years (we started off casual, why the off). He had been divorced almost 3 years by the time we started seeing each other. He told me he didn’t really want to get remarried again, unless she was pregnant (his ex wife decided after they were married she didn’t want kids - why they broke up). 2 years into our relationship I got pregnant. I told him and he didn’t immediately jump for joy, or say anything really except for “okay”, so I reacted very quickly and told him I wasn’t going to keep it. To which he said, “I’ll support whatever you decide”. So, I got an abortion. Our relationship took a nose dive after this. We had been fighting before this, but after this, it got a lot worse. We had a blow up and he told me he couldn’t do it anymore in mid-July 2024.

I find out that October he was in a relationship with someone else and they started seeing each other in late August. They announced their engagement in February this year, and then announced the pregnancy a week ago. She looks so pretty far along, like 8/9 months far along. This means she’s been pregnant since last year, which also means she got pregnant within a year of them being together. Today I find out that they’re officially married? Apparently this is someone he met/has known since college.…

Honestly, I’m crushed. How could he move on so quickly and in such a major way? It hasn’t even been a full two years since we broke up. I got pregnant first but she gets the family and the marriage? My head is spinning a bit.

There are some lessons learned here:

1. If you want to get married, don’t date a man who tells you at the outset that he doesn’t want that unless the woman is pregnant.

2. Don’t get pregnant unless you’re both on board with it and want to be together. It’s not clear if you got pregnant on purpose, but you said you wanted to marry him, the relationship wasn’t going well, you knew he would only marry a woman if she was pregnant, and you thought he would be thrilled when you told him about your pregnancy. This suggests you got pregnant on purpose and this is a really bad idea in this situation.

Forget about this man, learn from this situation, and focus on finding a man who wants the same things you do.

My read on the bolder was he really wanted kids and not to deal with infertility issues. Like seriously only marrying a certified breeder.

As evidenced by the fact that he got 2 women pregnant before marriage.

Trashy. I wouldn’t be interested. Be grateful, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has abortion regret. It’s one thing to break up with someone and envy the new person after they’ve moved on into a happy marriage relatively quickly. But add aborting a child (for a totally frivolous reason, at that) into the mix and the pain is amplified by an order of magnitude.

Name your pain, OP, and own it. Repent for what you did. God forgives.

Please don't project your own beliefs on others. OP did not have an abortion for frivolous reasons, she had an abortion because she reasonably believed (accurately or mistakenly) that her partner wasn't supportive of continuing the pregnancy. Maybe it was a communication mixup and if so, that would be regrettable, but it's just as likely that OP read the situation accurately and made the right choice.

OP is in a damned if you do damned if you don't position. She could have had the baby and raised it with a dysfunctional parent, which is not exactly the kindness to the child you project. DCs have grown up with a narcissistic, on again/off again father, who as they grew older and had their own solo experiences with him, they came to see as unreliable and not out for their best interests. They've also grown up much poorer than they would have otherwise. Thank god I had supportive family of origin, if not mental health and other health and educational expenses really would have sunk us. Knowing that I had family of origin support was what even allowed me to keep my unexpected pregnancy (which my then fiance very much said he wanted prior to the pregnancy and when actually asked to participate in the decision to continue or not continue the pregnancy).

I love my kids and they were both great, but in retrospect, I should not have even broached the topic of continuing the pregnancy with my fiance. It was unplanned, and it was a disservice to everyone to continue something unplanned. People probably think, how horrible that you would say you don't want your children, but I think of it as perhaps I could have had my children with a more stable partner and given them a better life.


OP, we all have regrets in life. Focus on what is in your control and what you can do to create the kind of life you want. You will have other opportunities to have children if you focus on your career and building positive social relationships.

You did all this yapping from the comfortable ivory tower of having kept both of your children, whom you love and are alive and well today. OP doesn’t have that privilege. Who’s projecting here?

[Anonymous]

Good for him.

[Anonymous]

He supported YOUR decision. As he said. You’re the one who chose to end the pregnancy over…vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t read too much into this.

You did the right thing by terminating your pregnancy……because a baby would have complicated your relationship tenfold.

Things might look rosy on the surface - - but if this guy was a louse to you then he definitely will be a louse to his new wife.

Time will tell.
Just be happy that you aren’t on your own now w/a young child.

Where in this was he a “louse” ? They didn’t get along, SHE made a choice and he told her he’d support her either way, their relationship got worse after, and he broke up with her later on.

I’m confused, was he supposed to stay in a rocky, maybe even unhealthy relationship?

Nothing from OP's story indicates that about him. Calling him that is just something you say to be nice to someone suffering from a breakup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t read too much into this.

You did the right thing by terminating your pregnancy……because a baby would have complicated your relationship tenfold.

Things might look rosy on the surface - - but if this guy was a louse to you then he definitely will be a louse to his new wife.

Time will tell.
Just be happy that you aren’t on your own now w/a young child.

Where in this was he a “louse” ? They didn’t get along, SHE made a choice and he told her he’d support her either way, their relationship got worse after, and he broke up with her later on.

I’m confused, was he supposed to stay in a rocky, maybe even unhealthy relationship?

Nothing from OP's story indicates that about him. Calling him that is just something you say to be nice to someone suffering from a breakup.

DP

That's a dumb reason to call someone names. If OP can have an abortion, she can get over the breakup without us badmouthing on her ex for no reason.