My ex is married and has a baby due any day now. We haven’t been broken up two years yet…

[Anonymous]

Girlllll.
Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

“I’ll support whatever you decide” isn't encouraging an abortion.

Only stupid people think that everything has to be explicitly said. It is implicit in what he *did* say.

Only stupid people think that they can accurately identify an implicit statement from a secondhand report on a website. But sure, biased people do this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a bad dude. Sorry.

Are you sure he was divorced when you met him, or just said he was? It sounds like you were the limerence affair that ran its standard 2 year course (in his mind anyway).

He seems like a lying dog, who jumps ship just when it starts to be a comfortable, committed relationship. He'll likely do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

OP doesn't say he "encouraged" an abortion. She says he said he's support whatever she wanted to do. Big difference, and further proof that men on DCUM can't win.

I'm the PP, a 45 yo married man, father of 4 daughters. I can put 2 and 2 together. This guy was an @$$hole and yes, encouraged the abortion. A man like this should never win on DCUM or anywhere else. At 37 any man needs to be ready to step up and support a child he creates.

Ok, Mr. White Knight. Which is it relevant that you're married or the father of four daughters? You have absolutely no idea whether thus guy was an @$$hole or encouraged the abortion. Actually, you seem more like the a'hole. Furthermore, there's nothing wrong with the guy indicating that he didn't want a kid with OP. That's a reasonable, responsible reaction.

The guy only had time to say "Okay" before she told him she was aborting. What exactly was he supposed to do then, beg her to change her mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

OP doesn't say he "encouraged" an abortion. She says he said he's support whatever she wanted to do. Big difference, and further proof that men on DCUM can't win.

I'm the PP, a 45 yo married man, father of 4 daughters. I can put 2 and 2 together. This guy was an @$$hole and yes, encouraged the abortion. A man like this should never win on DCUM or anywhere else. At 37 any man needs to be ready to step up and support a child he creates.

Ok, Mr. White Knight. Which is it relevant that you're married or the father of four daughters? You have absolutely no idea whether thus guy was an @$$hole or encouraged the abortion. Actually, you seem more like the a'hole. Furthermore, there's nothing wrong with the guy indicating that he didn't want a kid with OP. That's a reasonable, responsible reaction.

How do you know he didn’t want the baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let this go.

He knew the other person a lot longer. Plus his relationship with you may have changed his thinking in unknowable ways, good or bad.

He probably told you what he thought he should say...that it was up to you what to do.

The fact that you decided the way you did suggests you weren't madly in love with him. And his reaction suggests he wasn't madly in love with you. So you parted.

You can complain a little about how unfair the universe is but I don't think you lost out on a great dad and husband. Move on.

I was madly in love with him though. I decided what I did because I thought he didn’t want the baby.

You thought wrong.

[Anonymous]

I know this hurts and that sucks. My male relative was about 24 when he got the woman he'd been dating exclusively a few months pregnant. He wasn't madly in love with her and he was nowhere near asking her to marry him. But he "did the right thing" and married her when she announced she was pregnant. Their marriage was rocky and not at all a happy one. He then doubled down on the bad moves and had a second child with her in the hope that it would improve things. It didn't. They divorced when the youngest was about 5. From what he says, she was constantly insecure about their relationship and was convinced that he wanted to be with other women. I think she must have known that he wouldn't have married her had she not been pregnant, and there was never going to be a way for him to convince her otherwise, especially since it was actually true.

I don't know anyone whose marriage worked well when it began under those circumstances. All this to say that I think you dodged a bullet. He wasn't in love with you in the way that a man needs to be in order to enter a lifetime commitment. Marriage is really hard, and it's way too hard to do with someone you're not 100% certain is your person. When you marry, it should be with someone who is head over heels in love with you and who would choose you whether you were pregnant or not.

My advice to you going forward is to not date anyone for more than 6-8 months unless you both feel that you are one another's potential spouse. (This is if you're 24+.) The longer you spend with someone who is not your forever person, the longer you delay finding your life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

OP doesn't say he "encouraged" an abortion. She says he said he's support whatever she wanted to do. Big difference, and further proof that men on DCUM can't win.

I'm the PP, a 45 yo married man, father of 4 daughters. I can put 2 and 2 together. This guy was an @$$hole and yes, encouraged the abortion. A man like this should never win on DCUM or anywhere else. At 37 any man needs to be ready to step up and support a child he creates.

Ok, Mr. White Knight. Which is it relevant that you're married or the father of four daughters? You have absolutely no idea whether thus guy was an @$$hole or encouraged the abortion. Actually, you seem more like the a'hole. Furthermore, there's nothing wrong with the guy indicating that he didn't want a kid with OP. That's a reasonable, responsible reaction.

To be clear, OP said the guy would support whatever she decided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

OP doesn't say he "encouraged" an abortion. She says he said he's support whatever she wanted to do. Big difference, and further proof that men on DCUM can't win.

I'm the PP, a 45 yo married man, father of 4 daughters. I can put 2 and 2 together. This guy was an @$$hole and yes, encouraged the abortion. A man like this should never win on DCUM or anywhere else. At 37 any man needs to be ready to step up and support a child he creates.

Re: your last sentence, any woman also needs to be ready to step up and support a child she creates.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how any of this has to do with you. You were out of the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

I don't see why. Even if one accepts that he "encouraged" an abortion, which is quite a leap from what OP posts, he (i) didn't want to be with OP long term, (ii) didn't want a child with OP, and (iii) didn't want to be tied to OP for 2+ decade by a child. In those circumstances, it's perfectly reasonable to encourage an abortion (if that's what he did).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how any of this has to do with you. You were out of the picture.

This. And the timeline isn't that crazy to me. He already knew her so that saves a ton of time in the getting to know you steps. Baby and married in 2 years? Not that crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how any of this has to do with you. You were out of the picture.

This. And the timeline isn't that crazy to me. He already knew her so that saves a ton of time in the getting to know you steps. Baby and married in 2 years? Not that crazy

DP

Not that crazy, but should be crazy.

I've been reading DCUM long enough and people need more time and childcare experience before having children of their own.

[Anonymous]

If you had such poor communication that you could not discern whether or not he wanted a child with you then it was not a good relationship. Grieve for what was, be gentle with yourself and move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how any of this has to do with you. You were out of the picture.

This. And the timeline isn't that crazy to me. He already knew her so that saves a ton of time in the getting to know you steps. Baby and married in 2 years? Not that crazy

DP

Not that crazy, but should be crazy.

I've been reading DCUM long enough and people need more time and childcare experience before having children of their own.

If you’re in your mid-late 30s?