My ex is married and has a baby due any day now. We haven’t been broken up two years yet…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

How in the actual F did he encourage the abortion. She said she was going to get an abortion, his response according to OP was he would support her decision whatever she wanted to do. His response was essentially, your body your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex (37) and I were together on and off for 2.5 years (we started off casual, why the off). He had been divorced almost 3 years by the time we started seeing each other. He told me he didn’t really want to get remarried again, unless she was pregnant (his ex wife decided after they were married she didn’t want kids - why they broke up). 2 years into our relationship I got pregnant. I told him and he didn’t immediately jump for joy, or say anything really except for “okay”, so I reacted very quickly and told him I wasn’t going to keep it. To which he said, “I’ll support whatever you decide”. So, I got an abortion. Our relationship took a nose dive after this. We had been fighting before this, but after this, it got a lot worse. We had a blow up and he told me he couldn’t do it anymore in mid-July 2024.

I find out that October he was in a relationship with someone else and they started seeing each other in late August. They announced their engagement in February this year, and then announced the pregnancy a week ago. She looks so pretty far along, like 8/9 months far along. This means she’s been pregnant since last year, which also means she got pregnant within a year of them being together. Today I find out that they’re officially married? Apparently this is someone he met/has known since college.…

Honestly, I’m crushed. How could he move on so quickly and in such a major way? It hasn’t even been a full two years since we broke up. I got pregnant first but she gets the family and the marriage? My head is spinning a bit.

There are some lessons learned here:

1. If you want to get married, don’t date a man who tells you at the outset that he doesn’t want that unless the woman is pregnant.

2. Don’t get pregnant unless you’re both on board with it and want to be together. It’s not clear if you got pregnant on purpose, but you said you wanted to marry him, the relationship wasn’t going well, you knew he would only marry a woman if she was pregnant, and you thought he would be thrilled when you told him about your pregnancy. This suggests you got pregnant on purpose and this is a really bad idea in this situation.

Forget about this man, learn from this situation, and focus on finding a man who wants the same things you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You made the choice. He didn't.

This. Maybe next time have a conversation, but really why pine after a guy who you fought with. Find someone better, don’t settle and use birth control.

[Anonymous]

In no way, shape or form do I think either situation sounds like a good idea. This guy sounds like bad news.

[Anonymous]

T

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. You're a troll doing an anti-abortion thing.

B. You're stupid. He told you he divorced over his wife's decision not to have kids. You took his lukewarm reaction as a signal he didn't want kids. He moved on to someone who actually really did want kids. And now you're left all by yourself with no kids. Congrats.

Pick A or B.

Either way, you're completely ridiculous and should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn’t add this part but before I got pregnant, months prior, I mentioned us moving into together and he didn’t want to. I got spooked by his reaction even more so because I thought, if he didn’t want to live together and he didn’t automatically jump for joy, I thought he didn’t want the baby?

It’s the worst kind of Troll, the dreaded Trickle Troll. Don’t you have cats to feed?

[Anonymous]

OP clearly isn't ready to be married or a parent. Work on that.
I have a friend to adopted at 50 when she was ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In no way, shape or form do I think either situation sounds like a good idea. This guy sounds like bad news.

How is he bad news? He was upfront and honest with her about what he did or didn’t want. She decided she was okay with what was presented to her. They didn’t get along so he eventually broke up with her. He moved on to someone he truly wanted, and is married with a family now. I don’t think he did anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

I know that this situation feels like a rejection but it sounds like it wasn’t meant to be. You could have had the baby with or without him if you wanted a baby. If your goal was just marriage, you were with the wrong guy from the start as he told you he didn’t want to remarry. I raised my DSs to support their girlfriends right to choose, so in that situation, my guess is they would say they support whatever decision their partner chooses. Just because he didn’t seem excited by your announcement, doesn’t mean he wanted you to terminate. He may just have been surprised or needed time to think about things. It is entirely possible he had no plans to marry you so this threw him. I really think it’s a terrible idea to get married just because of a pregnancy. You dodged a bullet. My friend has an unplanned pregnancy 21 years ago with a man she was casually dating. He wanted to coparent which was great but eventually they decided to marry because it seemed logical. It has been a very unhappy marriage for her. It was more like a business arrangement. I would really try to reframe this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. You're a troll doing an anti-abortion thing.

B. You're stupid. He told you he divorced over his wife's decision not to have kids. You took his lukewarm reaction as a signal he didn't want kids. He moved on to someone who actually really did want kids. And now you're left all by yourself with no kids. Congrats.

Pick A or B.

Either way, you're completely ridiculous and should be ashamed of yourself.

I didn’t add this part but before I got pregnant, months prior, I mentioned us moving into together and he didn’t want to. I got spooked by his reaction even more so because I thought, if he didn’t want to live together and he didn’t automatically jump for joy, I thought he didn’t want the baby?

It’s the worst kind of Troll, the dreaded Trickle Troll. Don’t you have cats to feed?

Lay off the cat ladies. OP would likely be a lot happier if she had cats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In no way, shape or form do I think either situation sounds like a good idea. This guy sounds like bad news.

How is he bad news? He was upfront and honest with her about what he did or didn’t want. She decided she was okay with what was presented to her. They didn’t get along so he eventually broke up with her. He moved on to someone he truly wanted, and is married with a family now. I don’t think he did anything wrong.

He's "bad news" because he didn't give a woman exactly what she wanted when she wanted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

No she won't

[Anonymous]

"My body, my choice....except for when I don't want to take accountability and own my choice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. Bad guy to encourage an abortion. You truly dodged a bullet. It may take 2 or 5 or 10 years, but the chickens always come home to roost and one day you'll be with a great guy and be thankful you didn't get stuck with this one.

He actually didn't encourage it. It sounds like he didn't say anything at all, and OP got spooked and thought he must want her to get an abortion so that's what she told him she was going to do. He wasn't going to try to convince her to keep the baby, so he said he'd support whatever she wanted. Sounds like she made a choice and is now dealing with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex (37) and I were together on and off for 2.5 years (we started off casual, why the off). He had been divorced almost 3 years by the time we started seeing each other. He told me he didn’t really want to get remarried again, unless she was pregnant (his ex wife decided after they were married she didn’t want kids - why they broke up). 2 years into our relationship I got pregnant. I told him and he didn’t immediately jump for joy, or say anything really except for “okay”, so I reacted very quickly and told him I wasn’t going to keep it. To which he said, “I’ll support whatever you decide”. So, I got an abortion. Our relationship took a nose dive after this. We had been fighting before this, but after this, it got a lot worse. We had a blow up and he told me he couldn’t do it anymore in mid-July 2024.

I find out that October he was in a relationship with someone else and they started seeing each other in late August. They announced their engagement in February this year, and then announced the pregnancy a week ago. She looks so pretty far along, like 8/9 months far along. This means she’s been pregnant since last year, which also means she got pregnant within a year of them being together. Today I find out that they’re officially married? Apparently this is someone he met/has known since college.…

Honestly, I’m crushed. How could he move on so quickly and in such a major way? It hasn’t even been a full two years since we broke up. I got pregnant first but she gets the family and the marriage? My head is spinning a bit.

The sex must have been meh.