What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two "dud" husbands. One became a dud as a way to poorly deal with his wife's nagging and controlling behavior (the behavior I witnessed was borderline emotional abuse). I think he shut down. When he finally divorced her, he slowly went back to his normal self and wasn't a dud anymore.

The other one was a dud from the start. He managed to find someone else who would put up with his behavior after the divorce. She's nice but has zero self esteem and I think that's why he gets away with being a dud.

So what you’re really saying is, it’s all the women’s fault. They are too demanding. Or not demanding enough. Got it.

Well the first example was her fault. I mean, sure he could have handled it better, but she was the cause. And no, the second example is not saying that it's her fault for him being a dud. I'm saying her lack of self esteem is what causes her to put up with him. No one with any self respect would be married to someone like him.

Nagging does not excuse someone from their basic responsibilities.

What if the only effort they put into running the household is nagging?

Nagging isn't the reason somebody becomes a dud. You could just as easily say the dud caused the partner to start nagging.

Everybody is responsible for their own behavior.

You know the best way to cut down on someone else’s nagging…. Is to do what you agreed to do, and do it right.

Funny. Clearly you've never been married to a mentally ill woman.

Hm. How did you help her treat her mental illness? THat seems like a larger issue than “nagging”. This reads like the age old trope of a loser man who gets the boot then referred to each Ex as “crazy” to his new partner. Common and boring.

I paid for expensive health insurance for 20 years. I went to work every day to pay for that insurance. I went to three marriage counselors (two of them told me to divorce her). She burned through a number of therapists. She took every mental illness drug one can imagine, on and off label. She took part in a number of non-traditional treatments (yoga, acupuncture, healing crystals, etc.).

She also took about 30,000 Oxycontin during the course of the marriage (I paid for those, too).

So how was she a bag or what did she nag about while doing nothing around the house.

My spouse has mental illness invisible disabilities. He has huge temper flare ups when he makes mistakes. But he never nags; he prefers to zone out and be silent and hates when anyone talks to him and double hates if someone asks something of him, like take the garbage out or watch a kid for an hour.

[Anonymous]

My dud ex dated unsuccessfully for about a year, then looked to an app for meeting a woman from a third-world country; apparently he had to look very far to find a woman who would actually tolerate him.

Fwiw, all worked out with the K1 visa process, and two years later they are still married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dud ex dated unsuccessfully for about a year, then looked to an app for meeting a woman from a third-world country; apparently he had to look very far to find a woman who would actually tolerate him.

Fwiw, all worked out with the K1 visa process, and two years later they are still married.

LOL how pathetic and hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This. The issue is that most divorces are initiated by women and most divorced women are more ready and willing to be alone than men. This gives them an alternative to latching in the the first warm body that comes along— they are not only willing to be alone but many divorced women appreciate that aspect of divorce more than anything else. You know the trope about husbands who become another child? It’s based on a real dynamic where everyone in the family is dependent on the wife/mother who must be hyper-efficient and productive to make it work. Divorce with shared custody, or divorce as an empty nester, offers these women a chance to be self-focused and free fir the first time in years.

Meanwhile, these men who played helpless for years to get their wives to handle everything run out to try and find some other woman to fill that job. When they find one, they have not “rebounded.” They have failed to grow or regain independence. It’s sad.

Divorce is not and should not be a race to see who remarries fastest. That’s not the goal for many women who are divorcing, in fact it’s counter-productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dud ex dated unsuccessfully for about a year, then looked to an app for meeting a woman from a third-world country; apparently he had to look very far to find a woman who would actually tolerate him.

Fwiw, all worked out with the K1 visa process, and two years later they are still married.

Just FYI you only get conditional green card for first two years. So he’s not really out of the woods yet….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

Exactly! Once they turn 60 this "bravade" about tons of 20 y.o. women sleeping with them stops. They remarry hurriedly, and often not to a very decent or caring woman. This is particularly problematic in older age for men if they fall prey for a woman who's after their money.
We often hear these stories how men remarry in older age, and the new wive leaves his kids out of inheritance. How often do we hear about women not leaving inheritance for their kids, but to some 25 y.o. macho? By far not as often.
Divorced women are perfect bullshit scanners and would rather stay content and alone spending time with their grandkids than remarrying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

Exactly! Once they turn 60 this "bravade" about tons of 20 y.o. women sleeping with them stops. They remarry hurriedly, and often not to a very decent or caring woman. This is particularly problematic in older age for men if they fall prey for a woman who's after their money.

This is the fantasy that divorced older women tell themselves about their hated XHs who are in reality doing fine and who are dating a woman who actually likes and desires them (a refreshing change after the final arid years of marriage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

Exactly! Once they turn 60 this "bravade" about tons of 20 y.o. women sleeping with them stops. They remarry hurriedly, and often not to a very decent or caring woman. This is particularly problematic in older age for men if they fall prey for a woman who's after their money.

This is the fantasy that divorced older women tell themselves about their hated XHs who are in reality doing fine and who are dating a woman who actually likes and desires them (a refreshing change after the final arid years of marriage).

They don't care. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

Not from what I've heard from women who are over 50. My sis in law had lots of options and these guys came on strong with marriage proposals way too fast for her liking. Her impression was that they are desperate to remarry at a certain age.

This was what I noticed with my mom when she was widowed in her late 50s. There’s a lot of men looking for someone to take care of them in her old age.

Pfffft I don't know a single older guy who is like that but this tired DCUM trope will never die.

Really? I do.
Most of the divorced older men I know are constantly looking for women. I can really only think of two who weren’t. (Both are retired military and former olympians…I don’t know if there is a correlation there).

We’re looking for women for sex and companionship not for a nursemaid and housekeeper FFS.

You think these women are in there for your companionship and sex but they aren't. Unless your new woman is in 300K+ income bracket with healthy retirement account and a nice paid off house of her own by age 50, she's in for your money, savings, housing, joint insurance and peaceful retirement.
So don't mislead yourself into thinking your personality and other manly quality were worth for a mid ages woman to consider the trouble of a LTR

(shrug) so far I haven't dated anyone who isn't an educated professional with a good job and her own house. In other words, DCUM-type women. It's pretty easy to guess a person's social class from their dating profile, and I don't swipe right on anyone who looks like they want a bailout.

And, as I'm not going to remarry or cohabit, any evil scheme any woman may have to get my money, my house, my insurance, or my retirement is doomed to disappointment.