What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

[Anonymous]

1) They continue to be duds and find someone else to marry them and repeat similar patterns

2) Living on their own, the divorce, and parenting on their own if kids are involved forces them to learn how to deal with their crap and they become not duds and either remarry or live happily single

3) They become very bitter and blame women for all their failures, especially their ex wife and become unhappy bitter men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She only _thought_ I was a dud. I was a winner all along, and she was and continues to be a loser.

My income is up 40 percent, and I've slept with a couple of dozen women who are 10-30 years younger than me since the divorce.

I've made two major mistakes in life: getting married, and having children.

She was right and you just admitted it. Anyone who regrets their children IS a dud as a father and parenting partner. I doubt your ex is impressed by your sex life now, but I hope she’s keeping an eye on your bank account and taking what her kids are owed.

I am a woman and I agree with the previous poster… The biggest mistakes in my life were getting married and having children. I love my kids and I’m a great mom but these were still two of the biggest mistakes of my life. It’s simply not worth it and has derailed to the things that I really wanted to do. I am so sick of this society glorifying motherhood and parenthood. A lot of it sucks and it’s not worth the “reward” everyone espouses.

That's your problem, just like it's the PP's problem. Don't have kids expecting a magic rewards. Have kids if you want kids. And if you have kids and view it as the biggest mistake of your life, you are a dud parent, no matter your gender. I wish both of you had figured out this out earlier, before bringing kids into the world, who will now have to live with your mistakes. Selfish.

[Anonymous]

My ex has been already married twice after me (I was wife #1), he is now dating someone else; we'll see if she gets to be wife #4.

My friend's ex has not dated anyone since they divorced 14 years ago. Lives alone in a condo they used to own together. The place is a total dump. He has tons of debt, the collection agencies are after him. Makes about $60K being a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My observation is that some of them take the criticism and lessons learn and become objectively better husbands to second wives, and sometimes better dads. Not all the time but I’ve seen this several times with men who married youngish, really were “duds” (just putting zero effort into life, not just their relationship— treat wives like mothers and expect them to manage house, kids, finances, social life, etc.). The ones I’m thinking of, the divorce came as a shock. They really did not expect their wives to get that fed up, and because they were on autopilot they assumed their partners were too. It wakes them up and makes some realize that a wife is not a baby sitter. I’ve seen some do a lot better the second time around with lessons learned. Saw it with my brother, my DH’s coworker, and a good college friend of mine.

The first wives in these scenarios are understandably conflicted when they watch this happen. In a way it’s one last thing they did for these guys— teach them to grow the eff up.

Yeah this was my dad. He was awful to my mom in some ways, and he is much better with my stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She only _thought_ I was a dud. I was a winner all along, and she was and continues to be a loser.

My income is up 40 percent, and I've slept with a couple of dozen women who are 10-30 years younger than me since the divorce.

I've made two major mistakes in life: getting married, and having children.

I can see why you're divorced. A real charmer you are.

[Anonymous]

It usually takes a good decade to discover someone's a dud. So they have a honeymoon period with some poor unsuspecting woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She only _thought_ I was a dud. I was a winner all along, and she was and continues to be a loser.

My income is up 40 percent, and I've slept with a couple of dozen women who are 10-30 years younger than me since the divorce.

I've made two major mistakes in life: getting married, and having children.

She was right and you just admitted it. Anyone who regrets their children IS a dud as a father and parenting partner. I doubt your ex is impressed by your sex life now, but I hope she’s keeping an eye on your bank account and taking what her kids are owed.

I am a woman and I agree with the previous poster… The biggest mistakes in my life were getting married and having children. I love my kids and I’m a great mom but these were still two of the biggest mistakes of my life. It’s simply not worth it and has derailed to the things that I really wanted to do. I am so sick of this society glorifying motherhood and parenthood. A lot of it sucks and it’s not worth the “reward” everyone espouses.

You are not a great mom if you view your kids as two of the biggest mistakes of your life. They can pick up on that. And you should have figured out you didn’t want kids before having them. It’s not society’s fault; it’s yours.

[Anonymous]

My best friend was married to a dud. After their divorce, she dated and eventually met a very nice guy with a good job and who was a responsible parent to his kids. Her ex moved in with his elderly parents and continued to be a dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She only _thought_ I was a dud. I was a winner all along, and she was and continues to be a loser.

My income is up 40 percent, and I've slept with a couple of dozen women who are 10-30 years younger than me since the divorce.

I've made two major mistakes in life: getting married, and having children.

How sad. Indeed, you clearly are not fit to be a parent. I pity the people who are collateral damage in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She only _thought_ I was a dud. I was a winner all along, and she was and continues to be a loser.

My income is up 40 percent, and I've slept with a couple of dozen women who are 10-30 years younger than me since the divorce.

I've made two major mistakes in life: getting married, and having children.

HAHAHAHHAHA yes you clearly are a winner, I can see it from a mile away 😂😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

My ex finally got his life together. Went to school, got a degree, got a sought after IT certification, now makes good money.

If he had stayed married to me he never would have cleaned himself up; My high income, free health insurance, and extreme work ethic meant he didn't have to. Post divorce, if he wanted to land a good woman, he had to clean up his act.

However, he is still single. He did have a GF but - she cheated on him.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely dud husbands but it's also true women are harder to please I'm marriage. It's why the lesbian divorce rate is higher than straight couples

[Anonymous]

They marry someone who doesn't think that they're a dud.

[Anonymous]

It’s not one sided in most cases, the women call the man a dud but they ignore everything he contributes to the marriage. Most of the time he has a demanding job that tires him out and the woman is a SAHM or has a lower powered career. My ex fiance (who I broke up with) accused me of being emotionally unavailable when she had a huge amount of problems that required professional help and tried to make me her therapist. I don’t have the time, expertise, or desire to be someone’s therapist. She was a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

This is just not true. It is not 1965. It is far easier for women

Look, not every thing said on DCUM when it comes to men versus women is sexist. Some of it is actually true. Men remarry more quickly and more often than women in this country after divorce. FACT. That to me is pretty good evidence that they “rebound” more quickly.

Because men need to be married. Women do not.

So many divorced women I know are in happy LTR and do not want to marry.