What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

[Anonymous]

There's no shortage of women on this board complaining about their "dud" husbands - they're detached, emotionally unavailable, lazy, don't plan anything, irritable, etc. What are those guys like after the divorce? Do they change after the divorce? Do they find women who don't have those complaints? I'm curious how much of these alleged shortcomings are about the context - either a product of the guy's discontent with his wife, or the wife having unreasonable expectations - and how much is just that the guy isn't capable of maintaining a successful relationship, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Mine is dating his teaching assistant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no shortage of women on this board complaining about their "dud" husbands - they're detached, emotionally unavailable, lazy, don't plan anything, irritable, etc. What are those guys like after the divorce? Do they change after the divorce? Do they find women who don't have those complaints? I'm curious how much of these alleged shortcomings are about the context - either a product of the guy's discontent with his wife, or the wife having unreasonable expectations - and how much is just that the guy isn't capable of maintaining a successful relationship, or whatever.

They eventually go on to marry another dud woman.

[Anonymous]

They are out there on the online dating apps posing as diamonds in the rough.

[Anonymous]

They go find a woman willing to put up with their issues, either for whatever money or stability they can provide.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

OK- but what do you mean by that?

They date many different people?

They find a woman instantly who wants to take care of them and be a sugar momma?

They find the “love of their life” instantly?

What do you mean by easier rebound?

[Anonymous]

I think they find someone else and do better the second time around.

[Anonymous]

Mine just meanders around online looking for sex. Have fun.

[Anonymous]

My observation is that some of them take the criticism and lessons learn and become objectively better husbands to second wives, and sometimes better dads. Not all the time but I’ve seen this several times with men who married youngish, really were “duds” (just putting zero effort into life, not just their relationship— treat wives like mothers and expect them to manage house, kids, finances, social life, etc.). The ones I’m thinking of, the divorce came as a shock. They really did not expect their wives to get that fed up, and because they were on autopilot they assumed their partners were too. It wakes them up and makes some realize that a wife is not a baby sitter. I’ve seen some do a lot better the second time around with lessons learned. Saw it with my brother, my DH’s coworker, and a good college friend of mine.

The first wives in these scenarios are understandably conflicted when they watch this happen. In a way it’s one last thing they did for these guys— teach them to grow the eff up.

[Anonymous]

Mine started being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

This is just not true. It is not 1965. It is far easier for women

[Anonymous]

So, I have dated divorced dads. I'm late forties and it's been my main dating pool for a while.

Most men get fifty fifty custody these days. Some remain duds and are looking to find a woman to marry to step in and cook, clean, drive carpool, etc. I avoid those like the plague. Many, however, step up to the plate and learn to cook and run their households and childcare just fine.

Meanwhile some of these guys when they were married they managed to push most of this work off on their wives, under the guise of being helpless or incompetent.

But you know what? most men can cook, clean, provide childcare, and run a household. THey totally can't. Many just don't IF there is a woman to do it for them. But they ARE capable of doing so, and if forced to do so by divorce, rise to the occasion.

The key if you are dating them is to resist the natural female impulse to step in and do his job.

I'm in a serious relationship with a divorced dad now. If his kids leave dishes in the sink, that is his problem, not mine. I don't clean them. If his kids need a ride to soccer practice, he needs to figure out how to get them there, not me.

[Anonymous]

She only _thought_ I was a dud. I was a winner all along, and she was and continues to be a loser.

My income is up 40 percent, and I've slept with a couple of dozen women who are 10-30 years younger than me since the divorce.

I've made two major mistakes in life: getting married, and having children.

[Anonymous]

If they really can't handle adulthood, they continue to muddle along with a casual girlfriend. Their kids eventually catch on and find the whole situation depressing. Or they find a woman who is willing to put out and take care of them, maybe someone who needs a visa.