Reply to What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know two "dud" husbands. One became a dud as a way to poorly deal with his [b]wife's nagging and controlling behavior[/b] (the behavior I witnessed was borderline emotional abuse). I think he shut down. When he finally divorced her, he slowly went back to his normal self and wasn't a dud anymore.

The other one was a dud from the start. He managed to find someone else who would put up with his behavior after the divorce.  [b]She's nice but has zero self esteem[/b] and I think that's why he gets away with being a dud.[/quote]

So what you’re really saying is, it’s all the women’s fault. They are too demanding. Or not demanding enough. Got it.[/quote]

Well the first example was her fault. I mean, sure he could have handled it better, but she was the cause. And no, the second example is not saying that it's her fault for him being a dud. I'm saying her lack of self esteem is what causes her to put up with him. No one with any self respect would be married to someone like him.[/quote]

Nagging does not excuse someone from their basic responsibilities. [/quote]

What if the only effort they put into running the household is nagging? [/quote]

Nagging isn't the reason somebody becomes a dud. You could just as easily say the dud caused the partner to start nagging.

Everybody is responsible for their own behavior. [/quote]

You know the best way to cut down on someone else’s nagging…. Is to do what you agreed to do, and do it right. [/quote]

Funny. Clearly you've never been married to a mentally ill woman. [/quote]

Hm. How did you help her treat her mental illness? THat seems like a larger issue than “nagging”. This reads like the age old trope of a loser man who gets the boot then referred to each Ex as “crazy” to his new partner. Common and boring. [/quote]

I paid for expensive health insurance for 20 years. I went to work every day to pay for that insurance. I went to three marriage counselors (two of them told me to divorce her). She burned through a number of therapists. She took every mental illness drug one can imagine, on and off label. She took part in a number of non-traditional treatments (yoga, acupuncture, healing crystals, etc.).

She also took about 30,000 Oxycontin during the course of the marriage (I paid for those, too).  [/quote]
So how was she a bag or what did she nag about while doing nothing around the house.

My spouse has mental illness invisible disabilities. He has huge temper flare ups when he makes mistakes. But he never nags; he prefers to zone out and be silent and hates when anyone talks to him and double hates if someone asks something of him, like take the garbage out or watch a kid for an hour.[/quote]

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