An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having read through this entire thread in one go was entertaining and also extremely heartbreaking. I work with children with visible and invisible disabilities.
For those asking for specific examples of overaction:

1) At the pool, Child A said "we don't want to play with you anymore"- quote from a tv show as that is how A communicates. I moved away to give A space. Random parent starts talking loudly about disrespectful children and incompetent caregivers who don't 'nip that behavior in the bud"
2) At the playground, Child B is climbing up and down a structure. Other kids come over and hang out on various points preventing B from moving up or down. I politely ask them to give B a chance to get off as B is quickly becoming overwhelmed and near tears. Child moves, allowing me to remove B from the situation- parent of one of the kids yells at me for "letting B be a crybaby"
3) At the pool, Child C meltdowns while in the water. Lifeguards are aware of the children I work with and check with pre-arranged signals to see if I need assistance. I love Child C to a safe spot where C won't harm the self or others. Several parents remark "What is wrong with C?" "Kids like that shouldn't be at the pool"
4) In a restaurant, Child D is standing and stimming while eating a slice of pizza. Family specifically chose a table out of the way of others. Some kids laugh and point it out (nbd) and their parents say something to the effect of "yeah that's weird. I know you would never act so naughty".

I have also experienced times out with clients where I've been met with compassion and empathy by shop owners, parents, caregivers. But it is the instances of intolerance that sting because what looks like horrible behavior could be a child having a great day for them behavior wise--i.e. crying instead of lashing out and hitting , spinning instead of running. It is definitely not ok to just let kids do whatever, but I can certainly see where OP is coming from. Obviously everyone has their own challenges. The problem comes when the best thing for the child is to have a neutral or non-reaction and other people demand justice.
Child D spits on them self and on objects. At the park, D spat on the slide. Without assigning a value to it, D was instructed and assisted in cleaning and sanitizing the slide (wiping it with a Clorox wipe, drying it with a paper towel). Once it has been repaired, D is free to continue playing with an accommodation (a chew) and an acknowledgment that spit stays in their own mouth. That work is undone by a parent telling D "you're a disgusting little boy." "Spitting is wrong". I get that it's gross, but it done for the reaction and giving one because the plan doesn't fit your sense of correction, undoes a lot of work. I can understand OP's frustration if they are encountering that (undoing of hard earned progress) all the time.

Fascinating!

Now how do you respond when child A, B. C, orD snatches a toy from another kid, hits another kid, growls at another kid or spits on another kid?

Do you feel that in those situations particular the spitting the arent of the other child has a right to be annoyed?

I am sorry, why exactly are you being so sarcastic and aggressive here? You do realize these are disabled children, right? I mean, you need to get some perspective here. You truly do. Professionals that work with disabled children are amazing and doing work that deserves credit. I have never, in real life, heard anyone feel free to be this unapologetically terrible, and I really wish you could be outed.

"Annoyed". Okay. Its also annoying when NT kids grab toys, push, kick, hit, scream, ruin dinners, are annoying. Stuff they're out there doing on a regular basis. So, sure, feel free to be annoyed.

It has been said hundreds of times that nobody is allowing hitting, snatching, or scaring.

You seem realy agressive.
OP has stated that is's not a big deal if her kid hits, growls, annd spits on someone and that parents and their kids should essentially get over it.

Given your response you feel the same way.

I'm glad to know real professionals and know that this attidute is not the norm.

OP here - yeah, I never said this. Not once. You cut and paste where you think I said that and you can gi ahead and win the internet.

Parents were pissed off that I suggested maybe they could not create situations that are unnecessarily challenging for all children and in particular any child with special needs.

What is amazing to me is the lack of foresight you all have. Guarantee you every single parent on here is going to need to ask for tolerance or acceptance of their child at some point in time. I hope for your childrens' sakes you are met with more than you show.

You did OP.
You've probably forgotten but you did.
also thank you for outing yourself as the "therapist".
Personally, I think you started this entire thread to create drama and get your jollies from riling people up. , which you did succeed in doing that so congrats.

You go ahead and show me that. I am waiting.

And no, I am not the "therapist". There are actually people out there that work with children with special needs. They have a little more experience with all of this than you do. I know, its cray!

And no, no jollies. The intense fear and anger some parents have of children with special needs is hardly "jolly."

That's correct you are not a therapist. You are just pretending to be one.

No, I did not. I am sure at some point that actual therapist may happen by, but in the meantime, you are just going to have to suspend your disbelief that not everyone thinks kids with special needs should be indoors or on private swing sets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having read through this entire thread in one go was entertaining and also extremely heartbreaking. I work with children with visible and invisible disabilities.
For those asking for specific examples of overaction:

1) At the pool, Child A said "we don't want to play with you anymore"- quote from a tv show as that is how A communicates. I moved away to give A space. Random parent starts talking loudly about disrespectful children and incompetent caregivers who don't 'nip that behavior in the bud"
2) At the playground, Child B is climbing up and down a structure. Other kids come over and hang out on various points preventing B from moving up or down. I politely ask them to give B a chance to get off as B is quickly becoming overwhelmed and near tears. Child moves, allowing me to remove B from the situation- parent of one of the kids yells at me for "letting B be a crybaby"
3) At the pool, Child C meltdowns while in the water. Lifeguards are aware of the children I work with and check with pre-arranged signals to see if I need assistance. I love Child C to a safe spot where C won't harm the self or others. Several parents remark "What is wrong with C?" "Kids like that shouldn't be at the pool"
4) In a restaurant, Child D is standing and stimming while eating a slice of pizza. Family specifically chose a table out of the way of others. Some kids laugh and point it out (nbd) and their parents say something to the effect of "yeah that's weird. I know you would never act so naughty".

I have also experienced times out with clients where I've been met with compassion and empathy by shop owners, parents, caregivers. But it is the instances of intolerance that sting because what looks like horrible behavior could be a child having a great day for them behavior wise--i.e. crying instead of lashing out and hitting , spinning instead of running. It is definitely not ok to just let kids do whatever, but I can certainly see where OP is coming from. Obviously everyone has their own challenges. The problem comes when the best thing for the child is to have a neutral or non-reaction and other people demand justice.
Child D spits on them self and on objects. At the park, D spat on the slide. Without assigning a value to it, D was instructed and assisted in cleaning and sanitizing the slide (wiping it with a Clorox wipe, drying it with a paper towel). Once it has been repaired, D is free to continue playing with an accommodation (a chew) and an acknowledgment that spit stays in their own mouth. That work is undone by a parent telling D "you're a disgusting little boy." "Spitting is wrong". I get that it's gross, but it done for the reaction and giving one because the plan doesn't fit your sense of correction, undoes a lot of work. I can understand OP's frustration if they are encountering that (undoing of hard earned progress) all the time.

Fascinating!

Now how do you respond when child A, B. C, orD snatches a toy from another kid, hits another kid, growls at another kid or spits on another kid?

Do you feel that in those situations particular the spitting the arent of the other child has a right to be annoyed?

I am sorry, why exactly are you being so sarcastic and aggressive here? You do realize these are disabled children, right? I mean, you need to get some perspective here. You truly do. Professionals that work with disabled children are amazing and doing work that deserves credit. I have never, in real life, heard anyone feel free to be this unapologetically terrible, and I really wish you could be outed.

"Annoyed". Okay. Its also annoying when NT kids grab toys, push, kick, hit, scream, ruin dinners, are annoying. Stuff they're out there doing on a regular basis. So, sure, feel free to be annoyed.

It has been said hundreds of times that nobody is allowing hitting, snatching, or scaring.

PP, I think the thing you're not picking up on (that other PPs are) is that the spitting was one of OP's own examples of something she gets annoyed about if someone complains about it. This entire thread has been about "how dare other parents comment about my child's bad behavior that I refuse to explain and I only selectively discipline it because it's part of my secret therapy strategy". And she gave examples like other parents making negative comments about her child spitting, pushing in front (when she acknowledges that there are younger and smaller children around, which she also has a problem with), growling at individual kids to the point where they cry, or walking up and pouring out the water that their kids are playing with.

Sorry, but those things all affect my children and are thus absolutely my business. Very few of OP's examples were things that essentially didn't affect anyone else (except simply the negative influence aspect, which does annoy many parents who are trying to teach their children how to behave well and that it's not just their children who are expected to behave but indeed everyone).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having read through this entire thread in one go was entertaining and also extremely heartbreaking. I work with children with visible and invisible disabilities.
For those asking for specific examples of overaction:

1) At the pool, Child A said "we don't want to play with you anymore"- quote from a tv show as that is how A communicates. I moved away to give A space. Random parent starts talking loudly about disrespectful children and incompetent caregivers who don't 'nip that behavior in the bud"
2) At the playground, Child B is climbing up and down a structure. Other kids come over and hang out on various points preventing B from moving up or down. I politely ask them to give B a chance to get off as B is quickly becoming overwhelmed and near tears. Child moves, allowing me to remove B from the situation- parent of one of the kids yells at me for "letting B be a crybaby"
3) At the pool, Child C meltdowns while in the water. Lifeguards are aware of the children I work with and check with pre-arranged signals to see if I need assistance. I love Child C to a safe spot where C won't harm the self or others. Several parents remark "What is wrong with C?" "Kids like that shouldn't be at the pool"
4) In a restaurant, Child D is standing and stimming while eating a slice of pizza. Family specifically chose a table out of the way of others. Some kids laugh and point it out (nbd) and their parents say something to the effect of "yeah that's weird. I know you would never act so naughty".

I have also experienced times out with clients where I've been met with compassion and empathy by shop owners, parents, caregivers. But it is the instances of intolerance that sting because what looks like horrible behavior could be a child having a great day for them behavior wise--i.e. crying instead of lashing out and hitting , spinning instead of running. It is definitely not ok to just let kids do whatever, but I can certainly see where OP is coming from. Obviously everyone has their own challenges. The problem comes when the best thing for the child is to have a neutral or non-reaction and other people demand justice.
Child D spits on them self and on objects. At the park, D spat on the slide. Without assigning a value to it, D was instructed and assisted in cleaning and sanitizing the slide (wiping it with a Clorox wipe, drying it with a paper towel). Once it has been repaired, D is free to continue playing with an accommodation (a chew) and an acknowledgment that spit stays in their own mouth. That work is undone by a parent telling D "you're a disgusting little boy." "Spitting is wrong". I get that it's gross, but it done for the reaction and giving one because the plan doesn't fit your sense of correction, undoes a lot of work. I can understand OP's frustration if they are encountering that (undoing of hard earned progress) all the time.

Fascinating!

Now how do you respond when child A, B. C, orD snatches a toy from another kid, hits another kid, growls at another kid or spits on another kid?

Do you feel that in those situations particular the spitting the arent of the other child has a right to be annoyed?

I am sorry, why exactly are you being so sarcastic and aggressive here? You do realize these are disabled children, right? I mean, you need to get some perspective here. You truly do. Professionals that work with disabled children are amazing and doing work that deserves credit. I have never, in real life, heard anyone feel free to be this unapologetically terrible, and I really wish you could be outed.

"Annoyed". Okay. Its also annoying when NT kids grab toys, push, kick, hit, scream, ruin dinners, are annoying. Stuff they're out there doing on a regular basis. So, sure, feel free to be annoyed.

It has been said hundreds of times that nobody is allowing hitting, snatching, or scaring.

You seem realy agressive.
OP has stated that is's not a big deal if her kid hits, growls, annd spits on someone and that parents and their kids should essentially get over it.

Given your response you feel the same way.

I'm glad to know real professionals and know that this attidute is not the norm.

OP here - yeah, I never said this. Not once. You cut and paste where you think I said that and you can gi ahead and win the internet.

Parents were pissed off that I suggested maybe they could not create situations that are unnecessarily challenging for all children and in particular any child with special needs.

What is amazing to me is the lack of foresight you all have. Guarantee you every single parent on here is going to need to ask for tolerance or acceptance of their child at some point in time. I hope for your childrens' sakes you are met with more than you show.

You did OP.
You've probably forgotten but you did.
also thank you for outing yourself as the "therapist".
Personally, I think you started this entire thread to create drama and get your jollies from riling people up. , which you did succeed in doing that so congrats.

You go ahead and show me that. I am waiting.

And no, I am not the "therapist". There are actually people out there that work with children with special needs. They have a little more experience with all of this than you do. I know, its cray!

And no, no jollies. The intense fear and anger some parents have of children with special needs is hardly "jolly."

That's correct you are not a therapist. You are just pretending to be one.

No, I did not. I am sure at some point that actual therapist may happen by, but in the meantime, you are just going to have to suspend your disbelief that not everyone thinks kids with special needs should be indoors or on private swing sets.

It's ironic because you and "therapist" display the same writing style and selective comprehension.

Anway, I don't think children or people with disabilities should be kept locked up

One day you will realize ( I hope) that not every person who calls you out on letting your son spit and hit without YOU apologizing to the kid and parent is not someone who thinks your son should be locked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not putting my kid in a floatie because there are other kids with autism out there. That's insane.

Wait I don't understand how that was written. Am I supposed to put my smaller kid in a floaty or NOT put them in it? I'm so confused.

nono no, you don't take any small kids to the pool because if they have a floatie they might get pummeled and if you don't put them in a floatie, per OP's request, they might go under and drown. get it now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having read through this entire thread in one go was entertaining and also extremely heartbreaking. I work with children with visible and invisible disabilities.
For those asking for specific examples of overaction:

1) At the pool, Child A said "we don't want to play with you anymore"- quote from a tv show as that is how A communicates. I moved away to give A space. Random parent starts talking loudly about disrespectful children and incompetent caregivers who don't 'nip that behavior in the bud"
2) At the playground, Child B is climbing up and down a structure. Other kids come over and hang out on various points preventing B from moving up or down. I politely ask them to give B a chance to get off as B is quickly becoming overwhelmed and near tears. Child moves, allowing me to remove B from the situation- parent of one of the kids yells at me for "letting B be a crybaby"
3) At the pool, Child C meltdowns while in the water. Lifeguards are aware of the children I work with and check with pre-arranged signals to see if I need assistance. I love Child C to a safe spot where C won't harm the self or others. Several parents remark "What is wrong with C?" "Kids like that shouldn't be at the pool"
4) In a restaurant, Child D is standing and stimming while eating a slice of pizza. Family specifically chose a table out of the way of others. Some kids laugh and point it out (nbd) and their parents say something to the effect of "yeah that's weird. I know you would never act so naughty".

I have also experienced times out with clients where I've been met with compassion and empathy by shop owners, parents, caregivers. But it is the instances of intolerance that sting because what looks like horrible behavior could be a child having a great day for them behavior wise--i.e. crying instead of lashing out and hitting , spinning instead of running. It is definitely not ok to just let kids do whatever, but I can certainly see where OP is coming from. Obviously everyone has their own challenges. The problem comes when the best thing for the child is to have a neutral or non-reaction and other people demand justice.
Child D spits on them self and on objects. At the park, D spat on the slide. Without assigning a value to it, D was instructed and assisted in cleaning and sanitizing the slide (wiping it with a Clorox wipe, drying it with a paper towel). Once it has been repaired, D is free to continue playing with an accommodation (a chew) and an acknowledgment that spit stays in their own mouth. That work is undone by a parent telling D "you're a disgusting little boy." "Spitting is wrong". I get that it's gross, but it done for the reaction and giving one because the plan doesn't fit your sense of correction, undoes a lot of work. I can understand OP's frustration if they are encountering that (undoing of hard earned progress) all the time.

Fascinating!

Now how do you respond when child A, B. C, orD snatches a toy from another kid, hits another kid, growls at another kid or spits on another kid?

Do you feel that in those situations particular the spitting the arent of the other child has a right to be annoyed?

I am sorry, why exactly are you being so sarcastic and aggressive here? You do realize these are disabled children, right? I mean, you need to get some perspective here. You truly do. Professionals that work with disabled children are amazing and doing work that deserves credit. I have never, in real life, heard anyone feel free to be this unapologetically terrible, and I really wish you could be outed.

"Annoyed". Okay. Its also annoying when NT kids grab toys, push, kick, hit, scream, ruin dinners, are annoying. Stuff they're out there doing on a regular basis. So, sure, feel free to be annoyed.

It has been said hundreds of times that nobody is allowing hitting, snatching, or scaring.

PP, I think the thing you're not picking up on (that other PPs are) is that the spitting was one of OP's own examples of something she gets annoyed about if someone complains about it. This entire thread has been about "how dare other parents comment about my child's bad behavior that I refuse to explain and I only selectively discipline it because it's part of my secret therapy strategy". And she gave examples like other parents making negative comments about her child spitting, pushing in front (when she acknowledges that there are younger and smaller children around, which she also has a problem with), growling at individual kids to the point where they cry, or walking up and pouring out the water that their kids are playing with.

Sorry, but those things all affect my children and are thus absolutely my business. Very few of OP's examples were things that essentially didn't affect anyone else (except simply the negative influence aspect, which does annoy many parents who are trying to teach their children how to behave well and that it's not just their children who are expected to behave but indeed everyone).

Yes, my child blowing raspberries/making odd noises was an example. He does not understand those noises are odd, so we work on it, but it is very hard for him. As I said, if I have a chance, I say sorry. I am not going to walk around handing out cards stating that he has autism. I do know some parents do that, but I will not. This is one of the behaviors we try to ignore once and then punish. Obviously, if he is making a weird growl and someone is scared, I remove him.

Also, I never, ever once said I allow him to push in front of kids. You find where I said that and show me. Didn't happen. Also, pouring out the water kids are playing with?! Now you're just making shit up. I said he likes to pour out water, which is actually my water bottle, and is usually on me. I am sure you could find a reason to be offended but you'd be stretching.

And you are just dreaming away if you think NT kids aren't giving me a hard time teaching my son how to behave. Like, constantly being allowed to use phones and devices? That's a fun one to explain to an autistic kid. But you know, its a big world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and SN teacher, you both deserve a nice cold beer today for everything you do in life.

I have a feeling they have "both" had several cold beers before posting.

[Anonymous]

OP, how do other kids being allowed to use phones and devices make it difficult for you to teach your DS how to behave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and SN teacher, you both deserve a nice cold beer today for everything you do in life.

I have a feeling they have "both" had several cold beers before posting.

yeah well Jeff proved your hateful little theory wrong so you can give it a rest and just go enjoy your perfect, superior life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and SN teacher, you both deserve a nice cold beer today for everything you do in life.

I have a feeling they have "both" had several cold beers before posting.

yeah well Jeff proved your hateful little theory wrong so you can give it a rest and just go enjoy your perfect, superior life.

Jeff proved that you are sober? Wow - he is good!

[Anonymous]

Please, stop, OP. You are embarrassing yourself and hurting your child. Please stop posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and SN teacher, you both deserve a nice cold beer today for everything you do in life.

I have a feeling they have "both" had several cold beers before posting.

yeah well Jeff proved your hateful little theory wrong so you can give it a rest and just go enjoy your perfect, superior life.

Jeff proved that you are sober? Wow - he is good!

Jeff proved that the OP is not sockpuppeting as the therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, stop, OP. You are embarrassing yourself and hurting your child. Please stop posting.

Why is standing up for herself and her child harmful and embarassing? Do you think only cute or inspiring disabled people deserve to be part of society? Truly, you are the one embarassing yourself, but I don't expect you to understand thay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your son is taking my child's ball or not letting my kid on the swing and you do nothing about it, OP, I am going to say something to your child. Your child is interfering my my child's happiness. My child doesn't see your son as anything but another little boy and I cannot let her think I don't have her back when I allow your son to bug her.

I am sorry for your plight - I truly am. But you are asking too much.

Yeah I specifically said I'm interfering. I assist all the time. But it doesn't stop around here from being ragingly intolerant jerks. I don't actually care if your child doesn't have his ball for theee seconds. It's just not that huge of a deal. But because of the masssive overreactions from parents in this area - not from kids - this stuff is so, so hard.


And you don't have to be sorry for my plight. Your kid might develop a drug habit. He might be mean. He might have a learning disability. Who knows. My kids issues are simply apparent now. That's the thing about this whole childhood thing- nobody is immune from difficulty. Save your sorry.

There but by the grace of God go I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and SN teacher, you both deserve a nice cold beer today for everything you do in life.

I have a feeling they have "both" had several cold beers before posting.

yeah well Jeff proved your hateful little theory wrong so you can give it a rest and just go enjoy your perfect, superior life.

Jeff proved that you are sober? Wow - he is good!

Jeff proved that the OP is not sockpuppeting as the therapist.

Jeff can only prove that the two are not coming from the same address - he cannot prove the are two separate people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do other kids being allowed to use phones and devices make it difficult for you to teach your DS how to behave?

the point she is trying to make is that public conduct that to you seems innocuous, actually makes things harder for her child. She is trying not to let her child have devices for therepeutic reasons. This is to demonstrate that everyone impacts everyone else, even NT kids doing "normal" things, but she's not getting in your face about it.