An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

My son has asd and has a lot of little friends that do, too. We recognize each other easily out and about! Our kids learn differently and often, something parents of babies and neurotyoical kids don't understand, is that they don't understand and are intrigued by large reactions and will seek them out - this is why they bug dogs, babies, and parents of young babies. Countless times I have been in situations where my child is at the park for kids his age, in the pool not the baby pool, mind you, and other places for him, as marked, and we have had issues with parents of young children getting irate and furious with us. My son is 5 but looks much older and this has been going on for years. He may grab a ball. He may not wait his turn. I am a huge helicopter mom and am right there, ready to intervene and I will. But it's important that he be allowed to figure this stuff out. Same for other kids like him and there are a ton with all kinds of issues that make this stuff extra hard. So often when parents think a child is being awful or hasn't been well parented in this area, that kid has special needs. I'm not going to tell you that necessarily at the park. You don't deserve my kids medical history because you think he's being too possessive of the swing especially when I'm right there to help him. But you can avoid some of this by doing things like bringing your baby in a huge floaty into the little kids area of the pool where kids are playing. Bringing huge amounts of toys to the park. Yelling at other kids when their parent is right there. My son doesn't understand and he gets very scared. He's also a child. I'm not letting him interfere with your child's safety or happiness. He's learning. Cut kids some slack.

[Anonymous]

I was with you until you stated all the totally normal things that parents of small kids shouldn't do to accommodate you and your child at the park. Accommodations shouldn't inconvenience others. My daughter with anxiety gets very upset by loud noises and excited yelling can sound angry to her. I bring her headphones. I don't ask others to play more quietly. When we have assemblies and other group activities at my school, my students who have trouble processing sound wear headphones, we don't stop the typically developing kids from clapping or stomping in appreciation.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is misbehaving and bothering others, and you aren't going to handle it, then another adult has to.

[Anonymous]

Nope.
-Mom of child with autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has asd and has a lot of little friends that do, too. We recognize each other easily out and about! Our kids learn differently and often, something parents of babies and neurotyoical kids don't understand, is that they don't understand and are intrigued by large reactions and will seek them out - this is why they bug dogs, babies, and parents of young babies. Countless times I have been in situations where my child is at the park for kids his age, in the pool not the baby pool, mind you, and other places for him, as marked, and we have had issues with parents of young children getting irate and furious with us. My son is 5 but looks much older and this has been going on for years. He may grab a ball. He may not wait his turn. I am a huge helicopter mom and am right there, ready to intervene and I will. But it's important that he be allowed to figure this stuff out. Same for other kids like him and there are a ton with all kinds of issues that make this stuff extra hard. So often when parents think a child is being awful or hasn't been well parented in this area, that kid has special needs. I'm not going to tell you that necessarily at the park. You don't deserve my kids medical history because you think he's being too possessive of the swing especially when I'm right there to help him. But you can avoid some of this by doing things like bringing your baby in a huge floaty into the little kids area of the pool where kids are playing. Bringing huge amounts of toys to the park. Yelling at other kids when their parent is right there. My son doesn't understand and he gets very scared. He's also a child. I'm not letting him interfere with your child's safety or happiness. He's learning. Cut kids some slack.

Yeah, the last one is fine--I don't yell at other kids if I think their parent is there, although I have been known to yell if a kid is about to do something dangerous, like walk in front of another kid swinging. And if you bring a baby into a pool where little kids are playing, you really can't complain if the baby gets splashed or whatever. And I share annoyance at parents who bring their young child into a play area intended for older kids and then expect the older kids to tone it down for their kid. But people have every right to bring their baby to a pool, or bring toys to the playground. Your son lives in a world with other people, and asking people not to engage in perfectly ordinary activities because a kid like your son might possibly be there is silly.

And it's true that you don't owe anyone a medical explanation for your son's behavior. But if he is behaving badly--hogging the swing, taking toys from others, not waiting his turn--then you either need to step in or you need to accept that him "figuring this stuff out" is going to involve other kids reacting negatively. And if he is pestering a baby despite being told not to, then "figuring this stuff out" is going to involve other parents getting annoyed. That's how neurotypical kids learn stuff, too--they receive negative feedback from adults and then increasingly from other kids. You can't have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

If your son is taking my child's ball or not letting my kid on the swing and you do nothing about it, OP, I am going to say something to your child. Your child is interfering my my child's happiness. My child doesn't see your son as anything but another little boy and I cannot let her think I don't have her back when I allow your son to bug her.

I am sorry for your plight - I truly am. But you are asking too much.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry, people are very intolerant around here and are going to be very mean to you. As you can see, PP's don't want their own children to experience a tiny minimum of stress at all.

OP's general point is that if you see a child who appears to be misbehaving, you should't assume that it's bad parenting or a bad kid. And I agree with OP that there are some general manners that everyone can use at crowded spaces to get along, like not bringing a ton of toys, bringing your baby into a bigger kid space, or yelling at other kids meanly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your son is taking my child's ball or not letting my kid on the swing and you do nothing about it, OP, I am going to say something to your child. Your child is interfering my my child's happiness. My child doesn't see your son as anything but another little boy and I cannot let her think I don't have her back when I allow your son to bug her.

I am sorry for your plight - I truly am. But you are asking too much.

Yeah I specifically said I'm interfering. I assist all the time. But it doesn't stop around here from being ragingly intolerant jerks. I don't actually care if your child doesn't have his ball for theee seconds. It's just not that huge of a deal. But because of the masssive overreactions from parents in this area - not from kids - this stuff is so, so hard.


And you don't have to be sorry for my plight. Your kid might develop a drug habit. He might be mean. He might have a learning disability. Who knows. My kids issues are simply apparent now. That's the thing about this whole childhood thing- nobody is immune from difficulty. Save your sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is misbehaving and bothering others, and you aren't going to handle it, then another adult has to.

I said about 1000000 times that I'm handling it.

[Anonymous]

My kid doesn't have autism and I think it's annoying as hell when parents let their kids bring toys to the playground. Play with your own stuff at home.

[Anonymous]

I'm having a hard time believing that a large group of parents are interested in in your kid's medical history or criticizing your parenting style, or getting irate and furious with you, if you are indeed, as you represent, stepping in and handling things immediately. And what do you mean that your son needs to be "allowed to figure this stuff out?" How do you expect him to do that unless you or another adult correct him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm having a hard time believing that a large group of parents are interested in in your kid's medical history or criticizing your parenting style, or getting irate and furious with you, if you are indeed, as you represent, stepping in and handling things immediately. And what do you mean that your son needs to be "allowed to figure this stuff out?" How do you expect him to do that unless you or another adult correct him?

You have a hard time believing that a mom with a kid with autism sometimes experiences tension relating to his behavior in public? Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is misbehaving and bothering others, and you aren't going to handle it, then another adult has to.

I said about 1000000 times that I'm handling it.

Then it's fine. It's only a problem if you refuse to address issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is misbehaving and bothering others, and you aren't going to handle it, then another adult has to.

I said about 1000000 times that I'm handling it.

Apparently you aren't because if you were no one would say anything to you. My guess is you do nothing until the other kid starts crying. You can't have it both ways wanting your kid to blend in but then expecting everyone to accommodate your son and his rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

I am not putting my kid in a floatie because there are other kids with autism out there. That's insane.