Reply to An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having read through this entire thread in one go was entertaining and also extremely heartbreaking. I work with children with visible and invisible disabilities. 
For those asking for specific examples of  overaction:

1) At the pool, Child A said "we don't want to play with you anymore"- quote from a tv show as that is how A communicates. I moved away to give A space. Random parent starts talking loudly about disrespectful children and incompetent caregivers who don't 'nip that behavior in the bud"
2) At the playground, Child B is climbing up and down a structure. Other kids come over and hang out on various points preventing B from moving up or down. I politely ask them to give B a chance to get off as B is quickly becoming overwhelmed and near tears.  Child moves, allowing me to remove B from the situation- parent of one of the kids yells at me for "letting B be a crybaby"
3) At the pool, Child C meltdowns while in the water. Lifeguards are aware of the children I work with and check with pre-arranged signals to see if I need assistance. I love Child C to a safe spot where C won't harm the self or others. Several parents remark "What is wrong with C?" "Kids like that shouldn't be at the pool"
4) In a restaurant, Child D is standing and stimming while eating a slice of pizza. Family specifically chose a table out of the way of others. Some kids laugh and point it out (nbd) and their parents say something to the effect of "yeah that's weird. I know you would never act so naughty".

I have also experienced times out with clients where I've been met with compassion and empathy by shop owners, parents, caregivers. But it is the instances of intolerance that sting because what looks like horrible behavior could be a child having a great day for them behavior wise--i.e. crying instead of lashing out and hitting , spinning instead of running. It is definitely not ok to just let kids do whatever, but I can certainly see where OP is coming from. Obviously everyone has their own challenges. The problem comes when the best thing for the child is to have a neutral or non-reaction and other people demand justice. 
Child D spits on them self and on objects. At the park, D spat on the slide. Without assigning a value to it, D was instructed and assisted in cleaning and sanitizing the slide (wiping it with a Clorox wipe, drying it with a paper towel). Once it has been repaired, D is free to continue playing with an accommodation (a chew) and an acknowledgment that spit stays in their own mouth. That work is undone by a parent telling D "you're a disgusting little boy." "Spitting is wrong". I get that it's gross, but it done for the reaction and giving one because the plan doesn't fit  your sense of correction, undoes a lot of work. I can understand OP's frustration if they are encountering that (undoing of hard earned progress) all the time.[/quote]

Fascinating!

Now how do you respond when child A, B. C, orD snatches a toy from another kid, hits another kid, growls at another kid or spits on another kid?

Do you  feel that in those situations particular the spitting the arent of the other child has a right to be annoyed?

[/quote]

I am sorry, why exactly are you being so sarcastic and aggressive here? You do realize these are disabled children, right? I mean, you need to get some perspective here. You truly do. Professionals that work with disabled children are amazing and doing work that deserves credit. I have never, in real life, heard anyone feel free to be this unapologetically terrible, and I really wish you could be outed.

"Annoyed". Okay. Its also annoying when NT kids grab toys, push, kick, hit, scream, ruin dinners, are annoying. Stuff they're out there doing on a regular basis. So, sure, feel free to be annoyed.

It has been said hundreds of times that nobody is allowing hitting, snatching, or scaring.

[/quote]

PP, I think the thing you're not picking up on (that other PPs are) is t[b]hat the spitting was one of OP's own examples of something she gets annoyed about if someone complains about it. This entire thread has been about "how dare other parents comment about my child's bad behavior that I refuse to explain and I only selectively discipline it because it's part of my secret therapy strategy". And she gave examples like other parents making negative comments about her child spitting, pushing in front (when she acknowledges that there are younger and smaller children around, which she also has a problem with), growling at individual kids to the point where they cry, or walking up and pouring out the water that their kids are playing with.
[/b]
Sorry, but those things all affect my children and are thus absolutely my business. Very few of OP's examples were things that essentially didn't affect anyone else (except simply the negative influence aspect, which does annoy many parents who are trying to teach their children how to behave well and that it's not just their children who are expected to behave but indeed everyone). [/quote]

Yes, my child blowing raspberries/making odd noises was an example. He does not understand those noises are odd, so we work on it, but it is very hard for him. As I said, if I have a chance, I say sorry. I am not going to walk around handing out cards stating that he has autism. I do know some parents do that, but I will not. This is one of the behaviors we try to ignore once and then punish. Obviously, if he is making a weird growl and someone is scared, I remove him.

Also, I never, ever once said I allow him to push in front of kids. You find where I said that and show me. Didn't happen. Also, pouring out the water kids are playing with?! Now you're just making shit up. I said he likes to pour out water, which is actually my water bottle, and is usually on me. I am sure you could find a reason to be offended but you'd be stretching.

And you are just dreaming away if you think NT kids aren't giving me a hard time teaching my son how to behave. Like, constantly being allowed to use phones and devices? That's a fun one to explain to an autistic kid. But you know, its a big world.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics