An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm having a hard time believing that a large group of parents are interested in in your kid's medical history or criticizing your parenting style, or getting irate and furious with you, if you are indeed, as you represent, stepping in and handling things immediately. And what do you mean that your son needs to be "allowed to figure this stuff out?" How do you expect him to do that unless you or another adult correct him?

You have a hard time believing that a mom with a kid with autism sometimes experiences tension relating to his behavior in public? Ok.

No I'm having a hard time believing OP intervenes appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm having a hard time believing that a large group of parents are interested in your kid's medical history or criticizing your parenting style, or getting irate and furious with you, if you are indeed, as you represent, stepping in and handling things immediately. And what do you mean that your son needs to be "allowed to figure this stuff out?" How do you expect him to do that unless you or another adult correct him?

You have a hard time believing that a mom with a kid with autism sometimes experiences tension relating to his behavior in public? Ok.

But the OP makes it sound like it's all the time ("countless times"), like every time they are out in public people are becoming "irate and furious" and yelling at her or her kid. That seems pretty extreme. I've seen kids (whose medical status I don't know) try to cut the line, or grab someone else's ball, or have trouble taking turns, etc., at the playground, pretty often, since kids do that stuff sometimes. And I've never seen a parent become "irate and furious" and yell at the kid, especially if the other parent is immediately stepping in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope.
-Mom of child with autism

Thank you.
--the world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has asd and has a lot of little friends that do, too. We recognize each other easily out and about! Our kids learn differently and often, something parents of babies and neurotyoical kids don't understand, is that they don't understand and are intrigued by large reactions and will seek them out - this is why they bug dogs, babies, and parents of young babies. Countless times I have been in situations where my child is at the park for kids his age, in the pool not the baby pool, mind you, and other places for him, as marked, and we have had issues with parents of young children getting irate and furious with us. My son is 5 but looks much older and this has been going on for years. He may grab a ball. He may not wait his turn. I am a huge helicopter mom and am right there, ready to intervene and I will. But it's important that he be allowed to figure this stuff out. Same for other kids like him and there are a ton with all kinds of issues that make this stuff extra hard. So often when parents think a child is being awful or hasn't been well parented in this area, that kid has special needs. I'm not going to tell you that necessarily at the park. You don't deserve my kids medical history because you think he's being too possessive of the swing especially when I'm right there to help him. But you can avoid some of this by doing things like bringing your baby in a huge floaty into the little kids area of the pool where kids are playing. Bringing huge amounts of toys to the park. Yelling at other kids when their parent is right there. My son doesn't understand and he gets very scared. He's also a child. I'm not letting him interfere with your child's safety or happiness. He's learning. Cut kids some slack.

OP, I think some of your message is getting lost because the subject line implied you were going to educate other parents in a constructive way, and then your post came across as defensive and accusatory, not educative. It's more of a vent than an explanation and request.

I've also felt VERY frustrated because I feel like my son's behavior issues and my efforts to address them are misunderstood, and it can be so hard when people with "easier" typical kids seem to think that it's because they're doing things right and you're doing things wrong. Yes, people can be super judgmental and it's SO ANNOYING. But when you frame things in a way that blames other parents for noticing your child's challenges in public spaces ("You don't deserve..." "You can avoid...") it can raise hackles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid doesn't have autism and I think it's annoying as hell when parents let their kids bring toys to the playground. Play with your own stuff at home.

+1 million.

[Anonymous]

My son has asd and has a lot of little friends that do, too. We recognize each other easily out and about! Our kids learn differently and often, something parents of babies and neurotyoical kids don't understand, is that they don't understand and are intrigued by large reactions and will seek them out - this is why they bug dogs, babies, and parents of young babies

That is a ridiculous generalization regarding children with ASD. My son has HFA and has always been very shy and reserved. He's not intrigued by large reactions and absolutely does not seek them out. In fact, they upset him greatly.

[Anonymous]

Parent of a child with HFA here. I would never expect anyone else to adjust their behavior because of us. I also don't give a shit what anyone thinks or says when (for instance) my son throws himself on the floor somewhere because the day isn't going as it should for him. My concern at that point is getting him up and out and calmed down. I generally ignore what anyone is saying about me or him at that time. Because they aren't my priority.

At the pool or anywhere else, if he starts to bother others and doesn't listen to me to stop doing something, we leave. Again, at that point, I could care less what others say to me/him/think about us. He is my priority. If someone knows us enough to have seen us out and about before, they have likely realized that his reactions aren't the same as other kids his age. If we are friends, they know my challenges.

Basically, OP, my question to you is this: what exactly is going on that so many people are so unhappy with you and your kid that they are getting furious with you! Are you doing any ABA/social skills groups? This might be the best way for your kid to learn social interactions before you piss off the whole neighborhood (which you make it sound as if is what is happening).

[Anonymous]

If your kid has SN especially involving behavioral issues, the best thing you can do for your own sanity is to learn not to give a shit what other people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid doesn't have autism and I think it's annoying as hell when parents let their kids bring toys to the playground. Play with your own stuff at home.

+1 million.

Seriously?

This tells me that the two of you haven't taught your kids that they can't have everything they see. My guess is that your kids either snatch other kids toys or throw a tantrum that they can't have it.

[Anonymous]

I have a child with special needs and know other children with autism, and I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH YOU. Talk about entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a child with HFA here. I would never expect anyone else to adjust their behavior because of us. I also don't give a shit what anyone thinks or says when (for instance) my son throws himself on the floor somewhere because the day isn't going as it should for him. My concern at that point is getting him up and out and calmed down. I generally ignore what anyone is saying about me or him at that time. Because they aren't my priority.

At the pool or anywhere else, if he starts to bother others and doesn't listen to me to stop doing something, we leave. Again, at that point, I could care less what others say to me/him/think about us. He is my priority. If someone knows us enough to have seen us out and about before, they have likely realized that his reactions aren't the same as other kids his age. If we are friends, they know my challenges.

Basically, OP, my question to you is this: what exactly is going on that so many people are so unhappy with you and your kid that they are getting furious with you! Are you doing any ABA/social skills groups? This might be the best way for your kid to learn social interactions before you piss off the whole neighborhood (which you make it sound as if is what is happening).

Thank you for being a voice of reason.

By the way, many parents of kids w/o HFA or behavioral issues are more compassionate than you know or might guess. Autism is affected so many families these days that most people know a child who is impacted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a child with HFA here. I would never expect anyone else to adjust their behavior because of us. I also don't give a shit what anyone thinks or says when (for instance) my son throws himself on the floor somewhere because the day isn't going as it should for him. My concern at that point is getting him up and out and calmed down. I generally ignore what anyone is saying about me or him at that time. Because they aren't my priority.

At the pool or anywhere else, if he starts to bother others and doesn't listen to me to stop doing something, we leave. Again, at that point, I could care less what others say to me/him/think about us. He is my priority. If someone knows us enough to have seen us out and about before, they have likely realized that his reactions aren't the same as other kids his age. If we are friends, they know my challenges.

Basically, OP, my question to you is this: what exactly is going on that so many people are so unhappy with you and your kid that they are getting furious with you! Are you doing any ABA/social skills groups? This might be the best way for your kid to learn social interactions before you piss off the whole neighborhood (which you make it sound as if is what is happening).

Thank you for being a voice of reason.

By the way, many parents of kids w/o HFA or behavioral issues are more compassionate than you know or might guess. Autism is affected so many families these days that most people know a child who is impacted.

+1 for us. Just wanted to note that for those who DO assume positive intent (that both parent and child are doing the best they can) and/or offer words of reassurance, I see you and I appreciate you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid doesn't have autism and I think it's annoying as hell when parents let their kids bring toys to the playground. Play with your own stuff at home.

+1 million.

Seriously?

This tells me that the two of you haven't taught your kids that they can't have everything they see. My guess is that your kids either snatch other kids toys or throw a tantrum that they can't have it.

That's an interesting assumption. Incorrect, at least for my kids, though. If you bring your own toys to the playground I assume your kids are bratty whiners who insisted on bringing their own stuff to the playground and you're such a shitty parent who doesn't enforce appropriate boundaries so you let them do whatever they want.

[Anonymous]

This tells me that the two of you haven't taught your kids that they can't have everything they see. My guess is that your kids either snatch other kids toys or throw a tantrum that they can't have it.



That's an interesting assumption. Incorrect, at least for my kids, though. If you bring your own toys to the playground I assume your kids are bratty whiners who insisted on bringing their own stuff to the playground and you're such a shitty parent who doesn't enforce appropriate boundaries so you let them do whatever they want.

NP. My kids are 11 and 8 now. What other kids bring to the playground, at any age, is not a matter of life and death and not worth getting worked up about and hurling insults at another person. It doesn't matter. At all.

[Anonymous]

Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.